Still crying two weeks after labour

[arthurfowlersallotment]

Hi all
I'm just wondering if it's normal to still be quite tearful and have moments of sadness two weeks after I had my DD? (by EMCS).

I read that the baby blues usually go by day ten and while I'm not as bad as I was, I'm still getting quite down and will burst into tears without warning.

My DD2 was born by ELCS 16 days ago and I get teary sometimes, too. Songs will make me cry; I'll get emotional if I think about certain things; feel overwhelmed - in a nice way - by the joy and magnitude of having a 3-year-old and a newborn.

I think it's still early days and quite normal but if you're worried maybe flag it to your Health Visitor? x

Did you find the EMCS/labour traumatic and/or upsetting (I don't like to assume you did). If so, I think it is enormously common to be tearful and have moments of sadness just two weeks later.

I still felt like this for a number of weeks after DD1 (forceps). I don't think it was baby blues as such. More the combined trauma of an upsetting birth and the shell shock of being a mother!

Completely normal I am sure. I am 16 months after and certain things set me off, and I am not a very emotional person, I just go with it, let it out!! x

It's completely normal and not silly or wrong to feel like this. So don't worry, and try not to put a timeline on yourself! Congratulations on your DD

Normal. Give it another week or two and I bet you'll be feeling better. Those first few weeks are just such a shock to the system, especially with your first but tbh with your second and third too in my experience!

Take care of yourself and don't try to do too much too soon. You've been through a lot and you need time to recover properly.

Don't be afraid to ask for help if you think you need it.

I did with my first after an emcs - for a few months. Don't beat yourself up about it - just be very, very kind to yourself - don't rush anything. You've been through a big trauma - an EMCS and becoming a mother which is a very overwhelming life change. You will start to feel better.

Thank you all.
I had assumed I'd feel blue for three days and then be euphoric....

I was NOT prepared for the emotional crash when it did come and spent ten days pretty much sobbing my heart out.. I was beginning to wonder what the hell I had got myself into.

And yes, the birth was v traumatic which probably didn't help..

Now I'm beginning to realise many people feel the same way.

Thanks again xx

The hormone crash after giving birth can be very frightening. I fell in to a black hole about a week or ten days after dd3 was born. Utterly awful - then it lifted. And that was with a much wanted third child and a straightforward delivery.

An emcs is a shocking event. Talk to your midwife about a debrief and then see how that leaves you feeling.

You will never go through such a change of circumstance again like you've just been through. Becoming a mum - with a MAJOR operation in the mix too - is an absolutely massive thing. And everybody expects you to be so happy.
So happy - with a huge wound healing up in your uterus plus the c-section incision. Plus the hormones thrashing around. Plus this small and curiously insistent person who has come to live with you. You would in fact fight a tiger with your bare hands to keep them safe but you'd also quite like them to be quiet and not demand for a few minutes. Everything - from going to the loo to going to bed to going out for a paper seems to take about three times as long as it used and has to be thought about in advance. Your partnrt is prone to spending quite a bit of time waving their hands about and saying 'what des she want?' - like you'll know. Your house is full of baby cards and baby clothes but you yourself have only bras that are disintegrating with age and everywhere you look you see a breast pad. Your mil is spending a lot of time in the house. It's quite hard to get the pram out of the door without crashing in to the side of the door and being glared out by the neighbours. You're constipated and your hair is falling out. And yet - being in tears seems like the wrong thing to be doing? OP - it's the only thing to do! This too shall pass. You will be ok. Get a bit of help, eat plenty of chocolate and just keep going. There is life beyond maternity I promise.

My GOD NLurker, are you looking in my window?
Because you have just about described everything, right down to my crap Hennes nursing bras that have fallen apart and keep flopping my giant breasts out when I move!

(Also, bit of a weird one- but when other women hold my baby, and she smells of their perfume afterwards- I really hate it and have to bathe her and change her clothes...)

I have three dds, the oldest is 14. I've seen a lot of women after childbirth The smell thing is perfectly normal too. On a very basic biological level you two are linked by smell. By sound too - most lactating mums will get a let down reflex when they hear a baby crying. Anyway your dd needs to smell right to you.

Is the sun shining where you are? If so get out in it either with baby or leave her for a few minutes with dh. You will feel better for it.

Oh and check out some new nursing bras

Thanks :o

I have noticed that my nipples move when she cries. It freaks me out..

I've right this minute ordered me a sexy(?) pink number from hotmilk.
And when it arrives I'm throwing these bastard cheap ones out the window.

I have a wardrobe full of designer shoes (from a life long since left behind..) so now is NOT the time to be frugal, frankly.

Hurrah for sexy bra!

When in doubt always throw money at a problem!

The boob thing is peculiar. Your whole life, they just bob along, very uncomplaining - and then you get pg and they make a huge fuss and then start behaving REALLY weirdly. It does go back to 'normal'. I don't hear a peep from mine now.

My tits:

1996-2012- getting served quicker at a crowded bar
-Filling out dresses rather well
-Distracting men in board meetings
-Entertaining DP

2012
-Feeding screaming baby
-Leaking all over my second hand boden tops

Leaking is SO annoying. It's messy - and look at all that perfectly good milk that goes to waste. You can get shield things to collect it in from one side whilst you feed on the other but that always seemed a bit too much effort to me. It's a happy day when you realise your boobs have calmed down enough that you can feed from one side without hitting the television at 20 paces with the other. (That really happened to my mum btw)

:o at your mum's boob.

It's also kind of embarrassing (well, for me anyways) when I realise I've been walking around M&S food hall with two wet patches on my top. I now will not walk outside the house without pads.

My friend could also feed her baby by laying him flat on her knee- her breasts were so large that they reached comfortably.

I was welded to my pads! Things is - you only realise what the two wet patches are if you've breastfed. If you haven't you just think that woman has been unusually careless with her coffee. If you've breastfed you know what it is alright and you will be thinkinbg ' there but for the grace of God (and industrial sized breast pads) go I' - which reminds me. with dd3 I used to buy some large ones from Boots that were bloody good and cheaper than the branded sort.

Dd was born 8 wk ago by emsc. Still get teary now when I think about it or we are having a bad day

arthur - I really was you five years ago - and I've gone on to have 3 more - something I never thought I would do. Yes my tits are like spaniels ears and I do buy lots of lovely shoes that I can never wear only on the basis that they are the only things that constantly fit but I honestly wouldn't change it. I've gone bacxk to work each time for my sanity. I love being a mum but F me it was a shock when I first went into it. I spent the first 18 months thinking I'd ruined my life. Don't beat yourself up. Please try to slob about in your jammies, co-sleeping in the day for as long as you can stand it. You will never get this opportunity again cos when you get 2 they don't sleep at the same time and by the time you get 4 you're just fucked completely on the sleep front.

PS the only parenting book I've read is 'what mothers do when it looks like you're doing nothing' by naomi Stanton. If you're a Type A like me it will keep you sane.

Keep going OP, you're doing great, no matter how awful it feels . Everything you describe sounds totally normal, if very hard.

Here's the essential reading lollystix recommends and I'd like to endorse too. Only parenting book that ever made me feel better about myself

My DH once found me crying into the sink full of soapy water and dirty bottles at 4am.

It is unexplainably hard, the feeling of 'parenthood', and sometimes crying is the only way to release how you feel...words just dont do.

I couldn't even say that it's a secret, this feeling, as Im sure people told me before DD got here, I just don't think you can ever grasp it until you are in it.

It gets better. The first real smile, the first grab of an object, the first milk grin during feeds....god.....then you'll be crying happy tears

Can I just say, what NorthernLurker wrote is like our version of "choose life" from Trainspotting!

Remember, she who keeps her hear when all about her are losing theirs (and flapping about where the nappies amd clean sleepsuits are) probably hasn't got a clue what is going on or is in denial... Feeling like crap is a perfectly sane and valid response to a very stressful situation and can only be countered by sleep and industrial quantities of chocolate.

I just wanted to say, after dc2 and then dc3 I had the worst baby blues until they were about one month old. I too felt that the depression should start around day 3 and then be gone after about 10 days.

On both occasions I was just building myself up to go and see a doctor and I just felt it lift. My experience is that telling women baby blues lasts just a few days is a bit daft, but of course there are instances where severe pnd can set in and you need to watch out for that too.

I hope you feel much better soon OP.

Totally normal, I spend most Sunday evenings in balls of tears, firstly because someone is dead in Silent Witness (and that pretty much always happens) then last night, Mike Delfino's untimely death in Desperate Housewives tipped me over the edge. Cue heaving sobs and these people aren't even real! My DD is 13mo and I was never like this pre baby.

that's happened to me too queenofthepirates. I cry all the time - at adverts, sad stories on mumsnet, even to music. I used to be really hard to these sorts of things but now I'm not really that in control of my emotions. Somebody told me about their gran dying the other day and I ended up crying and they were comforting me FFS. Bizarre what having a baby does to you - biggested headfuck ever but I wouldn't change it. Without wishing to sound cheesy being a mum has massively enriched my life and understanding of myself. I feel like a very different person but I wouldn't say I felt that for some time after DS1 was born - at least a year or so. MIL used to go on about how her kids actual birth days were the happiest of her life and I just wanted to cry cos all I felt after DS1 was born was a sense of 'thank god that's over' as I was in labour for half a week and then bleeding in hospital for the next half and couldn't walk for 8 days and my boobs almost exploded and everything was leaking (my particular favourite was passing a clot the size of a tennis ball on the way to the hospital toilets during visiting hour for everyone to see) and I couldn't hold him cos it all hurt so much and it was just awful really. But then it did get better - but it took a while.