Still crying two weeks after labour

[arthurfowlersallotment]

Hi all
I'm just wondering if it's normal to still be quite tearful and have moments of sadness two weeks after I had my DD? (by EMCS).

I read that the baby blues usually go by day ten and while I'm not as bad as I was, I'm still getting quite down and will burst into tears without warning.

TEA I think it would do no harm to speak to your GP or hv about how you're feeling. As you can see from this thread, you're not alone. But please keep an eye on yourself. If by the end of six weeks you are having more bad days than good then please ask for help. I am following this myself.

Thanks arthur and Jilted - I saw my GP this morning, and he has referred me to counselling.

I don't think he really got it - I explained that I hadn't really enjoyed being pregnant, and wanted it to be over (this was when I was in hospital), and now feel guilty about LO arriving so early, but he interpreted that as me never wanting to be pregnant in the first place, which is completely not what I meant!!!

Anyway, I am relieved that I should have someone to talk to about everything that I am feeling, and hopefully be able to process the whole thing and feel a bit better. I am starting feel a bit better about LO (i.e. the horrible feelings are getting less frequent, and I'm better at responding to him in the night), but I still can't think about everything that happened before he was born without breaking down.

I find it really hard that DH seems to be so good at being a parent - he is so clearly in love with LO, and I feel like I'm not as much

arthur how are you doing today?

Tea think that you've been really brave going to the GP and to ask for some support .

I had some counselling after having a complicated pg followed by a medical termination. Was very down but having ADs for a shortish time combined with the CBT really turned me around very quickly. Hope the counselling does the same for you.

You've mentioned your DH and how he is coping. Don't forget that DH hasn't had the massive physical, emotional and hormonal changes that come with pregnancy, labour and birth and looking after a newborn in the first few weeks. You've achieved so much already .

From what you say about LO's start to life and what happened to you both I think it might really help you to get in touch with the birth trauma association. You may also find the book that is mentioned above good reading while you wait for your counselling. Haven't read it myself but have heard some really good things about it here.

Thanks Jilted I'm going to pick up that book from the library tomorrow - had a bit of a sample read on Amazon and it does seem like it would be a comforting read. I'll have a look at the birth trauma association as well.
Sorry to hear about your situation but I'm really pleased that ADs / CBT helped you get through it. I think we are lucky to have these things available to us.

Well done Tea for going to the GP. I hope the counselling will help- I'm sure even just talking will be massively helpful.

Yesterday I had a bad day. I felt isolated and trapped. She was screaming all day and I just broke down. Sometimes I also get v insecure because of how wrecked I look. I also feel cut off from the world. I miss my job- and I didn't even like it that much! My mum said I should keep in mind I still have a job and will be back next year. But it's easy to get consumed by your situation IME.

She just doesn't sleep during the day, so by the time DP gets home I am a wreck

Today I hope will be better.

Let me know how you are doing today Tea- I'm thinking of you xx

It's very hard,isn't it? Reading this thread just reminded me how I felt the first three months. My DS is nearly 3 years old now so I can tell you IT DOES GET EASIER. Little by little. Ups and downs on the way but it gets better!!

After my DS was born I was astonished to see people walking in the park with more than 1 child. I was thinking how can you have another one when you know the reality of having a baby??? But now I started to get broody again. And I might have another child but only when my DS is at school. I just could not manage having a newborn and a toddler. I know my limits now. NO romantic vision.

I was so shocked by the loss of freedom. I wasn't prepared for that.

When DS was a small baby he stopped crying when we played loud music or started hoovering or used a hair dryer etc. Friends of mine broke a couple of hairdryers like this :)

GOOD LUCK!

Thanks Tea. it's amazing how quickly I did recover actually looking back. I was in a very dark place, with a 18 month old to look after as well. Fast forward a few years and I've now got another chld and feeling like that is just a distant memory. Hope the counselling helps you too .

arthur can remember those days so well, poor you. My DC1 would only sleep in the pram, car or feeding from me. Not much use if I needed a sleep too. My Mum bought me one of those automatic swinging chairs in the end and he loved it. Have you tried all the usual things like a sling, a walk with the pram, swaddling etc?

Also, do you go to any groups? I found our local NCT group (not just for bfers, everyone is welcome) a godsend. Just being with a group of Mums who had all been there and got the t-shirt, having a cuppa and some adult conversation one moring a week really helped. You can find your local group at www.nct.org.uk.

Tea - your situation with DS sounds similar to mine with DS1 after a traumatic birth. I struggled with the bonding and felt so guilty as everyone else seemed blissfully happy. I assumed it would be an instant rush of love that would hit me the minute he came out and it just wasn't like that. He was a little stranger that I was concerned for the safety and wellbeing of and yes I liked to cuddle him but it wasn't how I imagined. It does come though and after 6 months I absolutley adored him and still do. They are hard at first as they don't interact and it can be so unrewarding. I wish with hindsight that I'd sat down on the sofa more and just cuddled him and looked into his eyes. I was so desperate to fill every minute with 'effective/useful' activities like rushing round to baby groups and house things (I'd been highly effective before) that I sort of 'missed' him.

I'll be honest and say I enjoyed DS2 so much more as I was so much more relaxed about it all. I didn't enjoy mat leave with DS1 until he was 8 months and then I was back to work.

It's great you've decided to see someone - I wish I had but I carried on in silence really. I honestly did not feel anything like a natural mother with DS1 - I felt like a fraud but with a bit of practice and 3 more under my belt (plus some very positive births) I'm known as mother earth to my friends.

Just checking in to see how you are getting on nowadays arthurfowlersallotment? Are you managing to get out and about a bit more?

I felt I really turned a corner round 7 weeks - there stopped being so many bad days, then there were hardly any bad days. I can still get weepy when I think back on the whole 5 week hospital experience, but I definitely don't feel as down as I did to start with.

I am STILL waiting for counselling though - the GP's surgery has done a prize job of cocking it all up. I had a bit of a freak out at my 6 week check when they were trying to take blood (which is always tricky on me) - brought back lots of horrible memories and I broke down a bit.

I've got an appointment with the obstetrician on the 12th to go over what happened, and talk about the potential consequences for any subsequent pregnancy (the idea of being pregnant again makes me completely panic, so I'd like to deal with that now if I can)

Tea, for some reason your post only came up now in my I'm On posts. So sorry for the late response.

I'm thrilled to hear you're feeling much better and I hope the counselling is sorted for you sooner rather than later. Two weeks on- are things better still?

Same here really- I'm much better. I enjoy motherhood and can cope with the challenges. Also managing to get out most days to baby groups and Nct stuff, which helps a lot. I stuck with bf and it's now much easier than it was. Plus, sleep is better.

Those wise mumsnetters were right!

Ps: hope the obstetrician appointment was positive.