Still crying two weeks after labour

[arthurfowlersallotment]

Hi all
I'm just wondering if it's normal to still be quite tearful and have moments of sadness two weeks after I had my DD? (by EMCS).

I read that the baby blues usually go by day ten and while I'm not as bad as I was, I'm still getting quite down and will burst into tears without warning.

Oh Lolly, why do we have babies?! No one tells you how much it changes your life. I'm so glad I did it but if I'd known about how it would happen, I might have chickened out!

Thank you all again for great advice and comforting words of wisdom :)
And also for sharing your own personal experiences.

This is why I find MN so invaluable now I'm on maternity leave with a helpless baby!

Three weeks postpartum and I am starting to feel better every day. Oh yes, sometimes I think I can't possibly do this, but it passes. I am still tearful, especially if people ask 'how are you?' but I'm coping better.

(The trouble now is, that my DP thinks that every time I cry it's because I have PND and I need to seek help immediately..No, it's because I just watched RSPCA Rescue and I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve).

In retrospect, in life, when there's been a massive change, there is always a period of adjustment, and that period is often uncomfortable. But it eases. This is along those lines (albeit a HUGE change).

I admit, in the first weeks, I was wondering why on earth anyone had children. I couldn't believe that most people eventually have children- and hmmm, a small part of me still isn't convinced...but I'm getting there, especially when she smiles at me and grabs my hair.. ouch..

I know some people do find it easy but I think they are in a minority. I also think people who say everything's rosy may be fibbing....

Now the fog has lifted I am looking at my post baby body and I must admit I'm unimpressed! Did anyone else get a very flabby belly? Roll on the six week all-clear for some serious exercise.

I will use this experience to become more empathetic and keep an eye on my friends if they eventually stop being such massive pissheads settle down and have children.

xxx

Oh Lolly! :(

Chill out on the belly. It will look very different after 12 weeks - hard to believe now but just trust me it will.

Stop watching anything to do with animals and small kids being mistreated - I've had to.

Those who say it's fab may or may not be lying. I was elated after my others BUT nice labours and I went in with my eyes open.

And I found myself crying yesterday about a thread about a bloke who'd gone missing and got drunk cos his gran died.

Life will never be the same again - but it will be better - in a few months. Just take each day as it comes

lolly, your nice post made me cry.

For fuck's sake!!

My HV said she thought I actually had post traumatic stress disorder. I found DH hard as he tolerated about 2 weeks of me being sad but then he was like 'pull yourself together ffs' I think cos he was scared that his normally together Mrs had gone a bit loopy. If you're into this sort of thing I'd try some Reiki - it's incredibly cathartic- you'll cry buckets after but it did help me a bit.

Can I also reassure you of something else? Ignore me if it doesn't apply. You do stop feeling so altered. I found it really hard to explain to people that I just felt unlike 'me'. When you've spent a lifetime knowing yourself, it's really hard to wake up feeling like somebody else. I remember panicking at about 3am that I thought I'd never laugh spontaneously again or read a book or have a conversation about a news item or go for a walk and notice the world. You feel really consumed by new motherhood and the trauma of an emcs. I felt sort of if I was grieving for the old me and my whole world had contracted down to physical sensations (leaking blood and milk, aching, strange postpartum body), demands of a baby (feed, nappy change, clean, clothes change, feed, rock, feed, nappy, feed and on and on and on) and bone aching fatigue. There didn't seem to be anything else and I wondered what the hell I'd done.

It does shift I promise you. You'll find yourself laughing at things and chatting normally and staying up late watching rubbish films and being spontaneous and noticing blossom without crying. You just have to slow right down and let this bit be what it is, protect yourself and your baby and your marriage, nurture carefully and you'll come out blinking at the end of it and probably wanting to do it all again.

Yes, SoH has described it perfectly. After DC1 I felt for a time as if my life had ended. Not that I was dead (nor did I want to be), but that I was in this strange unreality that bore no relation to MY life, and what was worse it felt permanent. It was not. It did improve, and what's more it was not like that at all second or third time. I do remember the tiredness, the despair, the lack of any inkling of freedom at all, after a couple of weeks the boredom and monotony, felling chained to the sofa and being totally unaware of 'normal' life like the weather outside and the news. I remember feeling more human again at some point after about 8-12 weeks. I do hope things improve for you soon.

Oh, and that "What have I done?" feeling? Normal, normal, normal.

And then a mere three years later - blink and you miss it - they are telling you about their favourite dinosaurs, saying your hair is lovely because it smells of dinner and asking you if cherry blossom tastes pink, and it is all worth it.

It better be all worth it, because my body is RUINED

Yep, I no longer recognise me, my life, anything. I used to be very well groomed but now I'm a haystack. I wonder if I'll ever look good in tight jeans again??! Everything I wear is now dictated by a: does it fit and b: is it easy to whip down/up to get my nipple out. (Yep, I KNOW this is temporary but I still find it a bit waaah!)

Even my relationship I no longer understand.
I yearn for our free days where we'd just go to the pub and drink beer on a Sunday afternoon; and when it was just the two of us. My God I feel guilty though. Our girl is beautiful, and we love her, but our lives are unrecognisable. That's hard.

It's reassuring to know that it all shifts and gradually things sort themselves out. Actually, I'd be really interested in hearing from other post natal women on MN and we can compare notes over the coming months.. PM me if interested..

If I hadn't got back to normal (actually, thinner than pre pregnancy but a bit more knackered looking) I wouldn't be 38 weeks again now! Although I am a bit terrified about how to look after 2 now. It'll be like pressing a reset button to Baby mode.

See you on the other siiiiiiiiide.....

arthur - Order What Mothers Do by Naomi Stadlen on Amazon. I pretty much promise it will be the best money you spend on baby stuff. It's not a baby manual, it's about you as a mother and pretty much about what you feel, why you feel it. She describes all the stuff you talk about really well.

I remember going for a hair cut when DD1 was about four months old and feeling totally out of place. It inexplicably brought to mind that 'Englishman in New York' song- you know, you were sort of like everyone but different in every way. It does pass.

Yes yes, just wait until you first go out alone, even if only for a walk round the block. I remember feeling like YoullLaugh says, as if I was looking at the rest of the world through a goldfish bowl and nothing really made sense . Definitely not like that now . The Naomi stadlen book is ace.

You take longer to go back to shape after a section IME. Took 8-12 weeks for jeans after ds1 but only 10 days after the others. I'm a saggy bagpuss though.
6 years on and I still long to go out and drink all afternoon. Instead I go swimming and to toddler parties

Haven't head time to read the whole thread but so glad you are feeling a little better. My DC are 8 and 4 and I still cry at silly things that wouldn't have affected me before, I think it's just part of being a Mum. Luckily, fatherhood has made DH more emotional too so he doesn't think I'm a complete fruitbat.

You mentioned that you had a traumatic birth, this will have a huge effect on how you feel postpartum. Has anyone told you about the Birth Trauma Association? Have a look at the APNI website too, even if its just to reassure yourself .

Hey all- just thought I'd mention that four weeks on I feel like a different person. I'm still tired and a touch overwhelmed but I am really enjoying being a mum to my girl. It's odd, as I felt hugely better almost overnight.

It helps that babes is now a bit more sociable, bf is getting easier and she's sleeping a wee bit more...

Now we are dealing with colic but I feel much more capable.

Thanks again for all your help- it really DOES get a bit better every day.

So glad you are feeling a little better arthur. Colic is a bummer though isn't it. Have you read the info on Asksears and Kellymom or spoken to a BFC?

Thank god I found this thread. I am finding life with 3 week old DS incredibly hard, even though I think he is probably actually a very easy baby to deal with.
I identify with the feelings of not being me, wondering what I have done - combined with the guilt of really wanting the pregnancy to be over when I was stuck on the antenatal ward for three weeks, only to end in premature labour at 31+5 and 2 weeks for DS on SCBU. I feel like I don't deserve for him to have done, and still be doing, so well.
I love him so much, but I don't know what he wants and I hate it. And I hate that I don't think I respond quickly enough to him. He cries in the night and I just lie there.
I have so much lovely support from my midwives, but I don't know what to say to them.
I am clinging to the hope that it does get better, as you have all said

Tea it sounds like you have had a really rough start to motherhood. If you don't want to respond to him in the night though I think you made need some additional support, just like lots of mothers do. Afterall in many cultures you would still be enjoying a "Babymoon" in bed whilst you, your DH and your house were all being looked after by friends and relatives .

Please give the NCT Helpline a call on 0300 330 0700 now. Tell them what you have posted here but please give them a call today. The Association of Postnatal Illness is very good too but their helpline doen't open until 10am on Monday. Please also have a look at Birth Trauma Association. Theya are there to help women just like you who have had a tough beginning .

I'm not saying that you have postnatal illiness but it's probably best just to talk it through with someone who has experienced it now and will be able to help you distinguish between baby blues and post natal illness.

Sounds like you had a rough start too Anna and the comments from your DM don't sound particularly sensitive or helpful either.

I too was very concerned before having DC2 but there are some good plus points. You'll have more of an idea of how to look after the LO and you'll know who to listen to and who to ignore. You'll also know what groups are on locally and where to phone if you do need more support.

Two things I'd highly recommend are getting a sling, it will help you look after LO whilst still keeping up with DC1, and reading Babycalming before LO arrives. I read it before having DC2 and really, really wish I'd read it before having DC1. It helped me to relax alot and it could be coincidence but DC2 was a more relaxed baby too .

Oh god, I wept buckets for weeks after D was born. The baby monitor we got for her plays lullabies and there's still one I can't listen to because it sounds like such a sad little tune to me. (H has no idea what I'm talking about, and objectively speaking it's just a nice gentle plinky plonky tune, but to me it's heartbreaking!) I cried for four hours over an episode of Lewis where they discussed something bad happening to a baby - you didn't even see it happening or anything, the episode was set about 20 years after the incident, but oh my god I was a broken woman.

But with hindsight it really wasn't all that long until the fog lifted, and although sad things could still make me go wibbly, the weepiness didn't just descend on me out of the blue any more. The first weeks are incredible but also hellish, and it really doesn't stay that way indefinitely.

Now that D is two, I can even bring myself to watch horror films again rather than shrieking "I don't want anything bad to happen to her! She's still somebody's BABY! " I still get weepy at NSPCC ads on the TV but otherwise I'm halfway back to being my hard-arsed self.

You're all making me feel a million times better. My twins are now 4 weeks old and I had mad anxiety for the first 3 weeks, not helped by a fairly full on birth (twins as I said, premature although only just, back to back, ventouse for both and oxytocin for number 2, along with a reaction to the epidural and a chest infection I'd picked up a few days before). In the hospital the wee ones kept me awake all night and then in the day when they slept there was the constant flow of hospital people - doing obs at 6am, breakfast, pediatrician, some idiot physio come to talk to me about sodding pelvic floor exercises... the lack of sleep was so bad that by the 5th day I had a really strong urge to jump out of the window, and what kept me back was knowing that my OH would have to look after the small people himself. When we got back home he took the nights for his 2 weeks of paternity leave and that sort of restored me but I was terrified of doing the nights with them again. I did one week on my own and then my mum came to stay and now I'm doing 4 nights a week while my OH is taking a day a week off work and doing the other 3 - and my mum looks after the wee ones for a couple of hours in the morning while we catch up on sleep. Of course this means I'm bottle feeding which I'd intended doing anyway as I didn't fancy my chances with twins - but I had no idea how impossible it would be for me to breastfeed, as being "on" with the kids from day 1 really totally threw me and having that time away has really helped me to calm down. I'd love to know if the extreme anxiety I had (which mostly did manifest itself as anxiety about sleep - what an awful mother I am, I didn't even get my mad anxiety about the kids, it was all about me!) was to do with the birth, or the lack of sleep in the hospital, or the hormones - a bit of all three I suppose. I'm so glad we've made it through the first month. Can't wait to get to three months. Och I know you all say, it'll pass in a blink and I'll miss it, but really, no, I'm taking loads of photos and I'm sure I'll look back and wish my OH had 6 months' paternity leave or we'd had the money for a maternity nurse or something, but I won't regret the early mad bit being over.

I cried every day for about a month. Everyone's different. Do you have a nice HV or GP to talk to?

Congratulations and I hope you feel better soon.

Still doing that 100 weeks on
I guess it gets better but does not disappear.
I cry when I see children sad, happy, laughing..,I have become a real sop after baby