To Mears - Firstly Thank you for your calm, authoritative voice of experience yesterday afternoon. I was really at a loss as to what was right to do at that point and you guided me into making a decision when rational thought was completely disserting me.
To all you others ladies here yesterday afternoon. Thank you too for posting when I was finding myself at the height of pain and despair. I'm sorry if this seems like a nauseating post but I can only recall this time yesterday through a haze of emotion. I would never have appreciated what a lifeline MN can be when one feels sooo alone. Every post helped and for that I'm truly grateful to each one of you.
I think we finally got out of the house at 2.30pm. I was really stuggling to stand up straight at this point, I had no idea at what point my labour was but I knew I couldn't stay at home any longer. I said to dh that I was terrified that the mw were going to find me only about 3 or 4cm dilated and I would still have so far to go. I sat in the back of the car, off my bum with pillows as this was the only way I felt comfortable. I was surprised not to find the journey as uncomfortable as I expected because in reality getting thrown about on the country roads paled into insignificance compaired to the pain I was experiencing everytime I had a contraction. We timed the contractions. Six minutes at first, the gradually becoming more frequent.
Thankfully dh was right, the trip wasn't quite half an hour and we arrived 10 minutes early. I struggled out of the car stopping for a contraction before daring to leave it to cross the car park. Eventually we arrived. As soon as we got through the door and met the midwives I burst into tears and crumpled up with another contraction. I was embarrassed at this point!
Anyway, we went into the examination room and I can remember contraction after contraction as the midwife spoke to me and then another a bit later, I cried through each one of them. I said to her "Just please say it's more than 3 or 4 cm." She was very nice and she promised to try. However, I felt myself start to relax as she spoke calmly and gently to me, at which point it became obvious to me I had worked my way into an almost blind panic. I was dismayed when she said that she wasn't sure if I was in established labour because, although frequent, my contractions were irregular.
Palpitation was sore and as she felt the baby's head deep in my pelvis it was excruciating.
I remember watching her face so closely for any sign that might indicate how dilated my cervix was as she she examined me. "About four centimetres" she said, and my heart plummeted.
Then the midwife looked at me and said "But I could stretch your cervix if you'd like, it would probably move you on a bit. The contractions would get harder though" For this I was relieved and encouraged her to do so, and she replied that she thought so too as I had been at this long enough.
So give or take a few minutes,the rime was roughly 3.15pm.
Dh was sitting outside and fielding phonecalls to my mobile. The lovely big birth pool was being filled and I recall an overwhelming feeling of relief as I was shown where to get a drink, where to sit down, where the toilet was even if I didn't really take it in. I was unable to speak to anybody on the phone and I remember being oblivious to a group of visitors who were obviously showing interest in this groaning, heaving woman, TENS machine in hand heaving up and down the corridor.
Two huge contractions later, as I was warned, I felt my waters flood out and almost simultaneously felt the pressure drop onto my cervix. I waddled awkwardly up to the staff room and informed the staff that my waters had broken. This obviously pleased them. As the midwife handed me a packet of pads she advised me that I was likely to feel them continue to come with every contraction and I would probably need to change pads everytime.
I was strange that in between contractions sitting on the birthing ball was the only place I felt comfortable, almost like when I was sitting here posting on MN before I left. As soon as I stood up - I was in agony. When I went to the toilet I couldn't sit down, I was trying desperately to change a pad standing up and wee at the same time, but nothing would come out and that bearing down feeling was getting worse.
It was on my third trip to the toilet, groaning, heaving and blowing that I was forced to stop my fruitless attempt at changing the pad and pulling my knickers up and I almost fell into the bath with an enormous contraction accompanied by the desperate need to push!
OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! I was chanting to myself while thinking wildly what the hell was I going to do. I looked at the emergency bell, pulled it, decided against it because I didn't want them to think I was having a heart attack and tried to move again. NO GOOD. Finally, knowing what would happen, (I'm a nurse myself) I pulled the bell again and all hell broke loose. But I'd locked the door, they couldn't get in and I couldn't reach it! I still can't remember how I managed to open it.
I was met at the door by two midwives, a student nurse and two MCA's. I can't even rememebr what I said except that the midives were shouting to each other about a birth plan (only that I wanted to be in the pool), grabbing gloves, someone was trying to pull my knickers up, I guess to cover whatever dignity I may have had left in front of a few visitors. Eventually I was half pushed, half guided into the delivery room in between contractions, being told not to push, breath through it and all the time feeling that rock hard feeling coming between my legs indicating the inevitable.
But the pool was still filling (it was a big one) and it was also too hot. There was a flurry of activity as bowls and jugs of cold water were being thrown into the pool. Rubber gloves were put on and mats and towels laid at my feet as I leaned on the pool deperately wanting to get in the pool convinced that everything would feel better once I was in there. I knew the head was crowning. The stinging sensation was unmistakable. Fleetingly I was torn between the need to push and not wanting to make the stinging worse.
In what seemed like years but was more likely a minute...or two, I clambered into the pool, being undressed at the same time. Then sank to my knees.....
I remember looking across to dh and the earlier anger and frustration I felt towards him dissipated when I saw his genuinely stricken face as he stood in the clutching my purse and phone.
It was excruciating and the stinging was terrible. One midife held my hand and talked me through the contractions "Just do little pushes now instead of one big shove". In the next couple of contractions I delivered the head - my midwife called to me "here's your baby's eyes", then came his nose, then his chin. There was momentary relief between delivering his head and his shoulders, before one almighty push and I felt the rest of my baby's body leave me.
"Pick up your baby" the midife called to me. Then in between my knees, in still clear water, came floating my baby.
Rhuaridh George was born at 4.06pm. I had been at the hospital just over an hour!
Sorry for the speil ladies. Just had to get that off my chest Do you want a picture?