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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

I don't want my dd to be the youngest in school!

85 replies

Boggler · 07/04/2012 13:42

I really don't know what to do I am 20wks and my due date varies between 10th September ( based on lmp), 5 September (based on private consultants measurements and NT scan) to 31 August ( based on a nhs dating scan). No real surprises with the different dates except I've got several fibroids and one is very low down almost blocking my cervix as a result my NHS consultant has agreed to perform an elcs to avoid haemorrhaging and or obstructed birth. But if he does elcs it will be at 39 wks based on my 'official' due date of 31 August. This would effectively make my child the youngest in the school year with all the disadvantages that brings! Should I go with this or try for a natural birth which could be very problematic? I'm tempted to go naturally and have emcs if anything looks untoward or am I taking unnecessary risks?

OP posts:

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mellowcat · 07/04/2012 13:46

Wow, that's hard. Is there anyway your consultant would do the elcs on 1 September instead. Might be worth asking if you go armed with all the dates you have been given. I totally get why you wouldn't want your child to be the youngest in the year group but I don't think I'd risk having a problematic birth for it. It will be four (or five) years until your baby goes to school...maybe they will have changed the rules by then.

Good luck with it all.

Pancakeflipper · 07/04/2012 13:50

Nowt wrong with being born on the 31st Aug. Cleverness shines through and if it doesn't your parents make excuses for you being stupid. Oh birthday parties are a nightmare to organise in the early school years.

I think you should have a chat to see if 1 day makes a difference, if it does then you can weigh up the situation instead of always wondering. Good luck.

FannyFifer · 07/04/2012 13:51

I think the fact you have fibroids and are at risk of haemorrhaging makes your other problem re school start date rather silly to be honest.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 07/04/2012 13:51

You do realise that those assumptions about younger children are just statistics and not definitives? Just because she will be the youngest won't necessarily give her difficulties. My DS for example is one of the youngest in his class but at the top of it performance wise.

I really wouldn't risk a complicated birth just for this...

noseynoonoo · 07/04/2012 14:11

I would just echo what has been said about the younger children being only statistically behind. There is such a range of ability through the class that there is no reason why the youngest should be disadvantaged.

I have a September child and an August child so I think I can speak from experience. My September DC is in Yr 1 but goes over to Yr2 for several hours a week. If anything I wish she'd been born a week earlier. My August DC is in Reception. I get a bit bored of the assumption that he must be the slowest - he has already met all of the Reception targets, reads at the green band level which I think is about a year ahead and is in the small group that do extra work to keep them challenged.

I think the quote above, "Cleverness shines through and if it doesn't your parents make excuses for you being stupid" pretty much sums it up.

Good luck with whatever happens but I would balance up the risks of waiting with the reality of whether birth date confers an advantage or not.

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 07/04/2012 14:16

Would your consultant consider doing 1 September instead if it really bothers you? I don't see a day is likely to be a material risk in terms of complications, especially since the other measures give later dates not earlier ones.

McPhee · 07/04/2012 14:23

I don't get why you would potentially risk your health and that of your child, just because of that tbh.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 07/04/2012 14:31

Did you ask your consultant if he would do it a day later?

I have a friend who is trying to book an ECS to have her DC before the 31st of Aug (Due 3rd Sept) because she wants to save a years childcare!

exoticfruits · 07/04/2012 14:34

It can be a huge disadvantage being the eldest. A friend's DD was birthday 1st Sept and she played with the older DCs-she was lost when they went to secondary a year before her and she was left with 'the babies'. Relax -leave it to nature. They are just statistics and your DC is an individual.

nagynolonger · 07/04/2012 14:37

Does she realise she will have a years extra transporting a teenager around at the other end ChippingIn!
DS is very envious of his classmates with cars. He can't start lessons until August!

It really isn't worth taking any health risks OP but surely one day wouldn't matter.

CruciFlisspaps · 07/04/2012 14:48

I'm generally in the 'wait and see what happens' camp, however in your shoes I'd be taking the ELCS. It may be that you end up having one earlier (or even having a SVD earlier) given that actually, you're considered full term from 37w.

I think you've got more important things to be fretting over than whether or not your DD is going to be the youngest in the school.

Anyway, my Mum is a 31 August birthday, I don't think it's ever disadvantaged her.

Lunarlyte · 07/04/2012 15:24

Agree with the wise words said here: my Mom is an August 3rd baby and is intelligent, kind and hilarious to boot. She is a very senior Nurse Practitioner - nothing wrong with her brain ;)

I have a niece born on 13/8/96 who will be officially leaving school this year aged 15. I think when she was younger - up to age 6 or 7 - you could tell that she was a younger member of her class. You cant tell now and she is a clever and popular girl who will progress just like most of her friends to college in September.

Don't worry about it. The NHS dating scan is probably the most accurate and the most important thing in all of this is the safe and healthy birth of your baby, for you both.

You'll have a lovely little Virgo on your hands, too :)

exoticfruits · 07/04/2012 16:09

DH was almost at the end of August and got a full scholarship to an independent selective school (with no tutoring)so I really think that you are over thinking the whole thing. You don't know until much later whether it will be a disadvantage or an advantage. Relax and let nature sort it out.

SpamMarie · 07/04/2012 18:11

If it made no difference medically whether the baby is born on August 31st or September 1st, I can see why you'd pick September 1st.

But I wouldn't go against doctor's advice simply to avoid being youngest in the year. As long as you are involved in your child's education, they'll be ok. In my experience as a teaching assistant, the parents who encourage and help their children at home, tend to do better at school, even if they are not naturally 'academic'. The kids whose parents don't really care (you'd be amazed how many there are) tend to fall back, even if they are naturally bright.

If it makes you feel any better, my mum was a mid August baby, and she not only excelled in school, she skipped a year!

Babylon1 · 07/04/2012 23:49

My dd2 is a 31st August baby, she started pre school at 2yrs and 3 days old and loves it, and will go 5 mornings a week from this coming September. It'll be free too as she's entitled to 15 hrs pw education the term following her 3rd bday. They follow a curriculum and at 2yrs and 8mths she is clean and dry day and night, can write her name and recognises many other words!
My due date with her was 15th September, but she was determined to be born in august!!!
Don't sweat it, what will be will be!! August babies are as good as babies born every other month!!!
Xx

edam · 07/04/2012 23:58

I'd worry more about the fibroids and potential obstructed birth than theoretical statistical issues about being the youngest in the class if I were you. FWIW ds is a late July birthday and has always done very well at school. Statistics such as this tell you about a population, they don't predict anything about an individual.

GreatExpectations2012 · 08/04/2012 05:09

My DD is the youngest in her class and is doing brilliantly. I would act only in the best interests of your and your baby's health and leave all other considerations aside.

bushymcbush · 08/04/2012 05:42

My dd will be 4 this August 31st and will start reception the week after. FWIW I think she is absolutely ready for it and can't imagine that she will be disadvantaged by her birthday in any way.

I do understand your concern OP - when dd was born it did worry me - but now she is approaching that milestone I can see that she will be fine.

nagynolonger · 08/04/2012 08:58

I had three summer born boys and I think they did 'suffer' being the youngest.
All 's fine now my youngest summer babe is well over 6ft and doing very well at ASs. I didn't plan their birth months but I know my own DS and DIL planned an autumn baby.

PesosBandageBox · 08/04/2012 09:10

You could always home educate, then the birthdate won't matter [busmile]

WantAnOrange · 08/04/2012 09:36

There is strong evidence that the August Penalty does exist, right through to A Level results. It doesn't mean the child is not clever. If they are nearly a whole year younger than some class mates, it makes sense that they will be developmentally around a year behind those class mates, because they are not the same age!

DS is summer born and constantly labelled as 'behind', it's been downright damaging for his self esteem.

However, you do not need to worry about the actual day you DC is born. A child does not legally have to be in school until the term following their 5th birthday, so you can send them a year later, no worries.

SpamMarie my DS's headteacher has the same assupmtion about parental input. I agree that a children do much better with parents who make the effort, but no parent has a magic wand. DH and I work very hard with DS and he has all the input he needs but I cannot teach him something he is not ready to learn. I was in tears after a converstion with the Head who basically blamed me for DS falling behind and then called my child lazy! Parents need support, not judgement, and schools need to accept children for who they are and play to their strenghts.

nagynolonger · 08/04/2012 09:47

Mine were called immature Wantanorange.........Well they were! They were 6 when they sat KS1, 10 for KS2 and one had his 11th birthday the day he started secondary school (ours used to start back before the end of August.

I blamed myself for years but now I congratulate myself for the years of hard work we put in at home (and some private tuition we payed for). Some teachers were vey helpful others less so and left DS in the care of the TA!

The TAs were lovely by the way!

MyDogShitsShoes · 08/04/2012 09:49

I genuinely don't get it.

Unless we start having school months instead of school years (which would admittedly make.for smaller class sizes) there will always be kids in the same class with birthdays almost a.year apart.

Should the whole.world.stop ttc in the winter just in case?

Fwiw I am an august baby. Kids have no clue that this matters unless someone tells them it does. Really, I never had a clue. I only found out on MN!

My sister is also a summer baby, although late July not august. I was a high achiever, she wasn't. Everyone is different.

WantAnOrange · 08/04/2012 09:55

Your absolutely right MyDog. The problem is some schools do tell the child they are behind and make it an issue! That's without consideration as to why they are behind.

It doesn't mean all august babies fall behind, it just ,means that teacher should bear it in mind when assessing a child. My DS is not 'behind' for his age, he's bang on track, but when he is compared to his peers he is behind and the teacher focuses on this.

heliumballoons · 08/04/2012 09:56

My DS is the youngest in his year, currently the youngest, and almost the shortest! in his junior school. (he's yr 3). He is doing fine.

My DS birthday is 2 days after mine. I did fine.

Seriously, I would have the CS to ensure you give your baby the best chance of a safe birth, if you wait and there's complications the school year thingy may be the least of your problems. Harsh but true.

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