I don't want my dd to be the youngest in school!

[Boggler]

I really don't know what to do I am 20wks and my due date varies between 10th September ( based on lmp), 5 September (based on private consultants measurements and NT scan) to 31 August ( based on a nhs dating scan). No real surprises with the different dates except I've got several fibroids and one is very low down almost blocking my cervix as a result my NHS consultant has agreed to perform an elcs to avoid haemorrhaging and or obstructed birth. But if he does elcs it will be at 39 wks based on my 'official' due date of 31 August. This would effectively make my child the youngest in the school year with all the disadvantages that brings! Should I go with this or try for a natural birth which could be very problematic? I'm tempted to go naturally and have emcs if anything looks untoward or am I taking unnecessary risks?

Of course safe birth is the most important that goes without saying.

My DD has always been the youngest in her year. It's not a disaster - she copes fine. I think it's generally boys with summer birthdays that more often have a hard time sitting still at the age of 4. Girls are more ready for sitting down and learning by that age, on average.

And financially, it's a good thing - one less year of pre-school childcare to fund, and off to university ( I hope) a whole year sooner than if she'd been born 2 weeks later.

You can start them a year late, but I think most schools really do expect DCs to be in the correct year group for their age - so would put your DD straight into Y1 if you tried to do that, probably not a good idea.

purpleroses Sun 08-Apr-12 10:01:00
My DD has always been the youngest in her year. It's not a disaster - she copes fine. I think it's generally boys with summer birthdays that more often have a hard time sitting still at the age of 4

Yes, that was definately true with my DS who was 4.03 when he started

For me a safe birth (for both mum and baby) would come way, way ahead of any other considerations, including the school issue. If they can schedule the ELCS a day later then maybe worth considering, but would definitely not go for a 'natural' birth if it would be risky and you've been advised against it. Remember EMCS carries higher risks than a planned section.

Surely your child can just start school a bit later if they're not ready when the September comes (there used to be an option for starting mid-year for children under 5 anyway), or even be held back a year if really necessary?

I guess it's just another thing on my "never heard mentioned anywhere except MN" list!

Genuinely! Never ever heard it. Didn't know it existed. Wasn't that I didn't agree or didn't think it was important, truly didn't know it was a thing.

When did we start looking for all these reasons and stop just presuming that each child is different in a gazillion ways therefore some are better academically than others?

On second thoughts, can I use the fact that I was the youngest to excuse the fact that I suck at sport? And I do mean all sports, without exception.

Absolutely can not catch, run, throw, jump or hit any shaped ball with any shaped bat. My sister's cries of "ofgs just do it normally" during every ill fated attempt at frisbee throwing still ring in my ears.

Of course a safe birth is the most important thing.

We have the experience of changing systems so that DD1 went from being youngest in the year to oldest. I am sorry but there is a huge difference. DD1 went from being 'a bit immature', 'needs to grow up a bit' to 'lovely, sensible girl', 'so mature', 'so responsible'.

If there are no contraindications then I would highly recommend the September birthday.

Teachers will say it matters - the summer born bit. But IME only as a reason why a summer born is lower than expected average. It's not mentioned when they are average or above. Not all summer borns are the lower group and not all Autumn borns are top iyswim?

EG: DS, late Aug birthday, lower than expected average in Literacy - 'well he is a summer born boy, it's normal'. But DS is above average in Maths (teachers words) and I really do want to ask if that makes him G&T . Just think you can't have it both ways!

Children should all get the same support/ help in school if it's needed regardless of their birth date. But on the otherhand you do need to allow for the fact the difference between just 4yo and 5yo is huge. It's when to stop the age thing being a reason that counts. and I have no idea when that is!

Ephiny:
Surely your child can just start school a bit later if they're not ready when the September comes (there used to be an option for starting mid-year for children under 5 anyway), or even be held back a year if really necessary?

In the English state system this is almost impossible to achieve.

Few schools offer mid year entry and holding back just doesnt take place.

Oh, I guess I'm out of date when it comes to how schools work. I'm sure it used to be a bit more flexible, that's a shame.

I still wouldn't even consider attempting a 'natural' birth against medical advice for a reason like this, it is just not worth the risk IMO. A haemmorhage is not something you want to take chances with.

If they could reschedule the ELCS without increased risk though, it might be worth asking! It's probably unlikely the NHS would be able to accommodate a request like that, but you never know.

helium agree with every word!

I was academically brighter than dsis, still am. Our birthdays are 9 days apart (she is 4 years older).

Does that make me super clever and her normal or me normal and her disadvantaged because of when her birthday is?

Or is it neither of the above. Is it just proof that no 2 children are the same regardless of outside factors.

We both have the same parents and went to the same schools.

I always "needed to concentrate a bit more" was "a bit scatty" "could do with paying more attention in class". Dsis was "very mature", "concentrated beautifully", "contributed well in class".

They presumably don't want to do the CS on 1st September because that's a Saturday, so if you want to wait you will be waiting until the 3rd. IMO a discussion with the consultant seems a sensible course of action.

I am the August 31st baby, and by the end of primary I was the top scoring girl on the (whatever the fuck they call it now) test

only reasons it sucked as a kid were in secondary going back to school the day after, and in primary not getting the big class party as mum insisted the party was on my birthday. my godson, SIL and DH are all last week of august babies too and none of us have ever felt the x,y,z or whatever that supposidly is due to being the youngest in the year. First time I came on MN and read it all I actually guffawed.

I really wouldn't worry about what this or that says about when a child is botn. A happy healthy childhood is whats important, only reason I don't want an end of August baby is I find it hard to afford all the presents as it is lol! And I'm pretty sure you can elect to not put them into that school year these days if you feel its needed, as godson had that option.

Also, I'm sorry but a teacher makes comments like immature, responsible etc based on school year rather than age is lacking the basic understanding of the pupils IMO as they aren't taking into account actual age in the assesment.

Would it be very bad of me to be a bit about this? You're having a baby, its safe arrival and your wellbeing are surely all that matter?

For what its worth, I was the youngest in the school and my DD was one of the youngest. It never entered my head to think about it to be honest. DSS was the oldest in his year (the same year as my DD). She did better than him at A levels, he will probably do better than her at Uni as he is doing some work whereas she isnt. None of its to do with their ages.

My sister was born on 30th August and it doesn't seem to have done her any harm. In fact, I would say, for her age (20), she is very mature as she has all older friends.

She wouldn't have been any 'cleverer' had she been born a few days later and been the eldest in her year.

The only disadvantage would be that her birthday is at an awkward time for parties, but my parent's got round that by either doing it in September or taking her away for a few days in the summer holidays.

It's because exam are getting easier dogs ----->

I totally agree with you too, same experience with my siblings. One June born and one March. I was academically the 'brightest' of us (I'm aug born and the eldest) but always told I was immature. Must have meant socially, as I would expect of a child a year younger than some peers, because how they could have meant academically when I was in top set everything I do not know. Personally I would have thought it was the Autumn borns who could be 'immature' in a year group myself - not that I actually care!!

I would always avoid a late August birthday where reasonably practical, but I don't think it is in this case - as I understand you they want to do an ELCS on 24th August, and you'd rather wait until 3rd September - that's a big wait with potentially life threatening consequences.

On the upside your baby is a girl, and IMO and IME late summer birthdays are much more of a problem for boys

Damn it helium pipe down, I am clevererer, end of!

(Disclaimer - cleverer is all I have. She is thinner, prettier, funnier, better at piano and sportier.)

Oh and as for boys, my only experience is my one July-born cousin. Just graduated. Clever, mature, funny, extremely handsome, artistic, modest, musical, sporty, really really nice. I hate him.

But it's not a day later, it's 8 days later if your EDD is 31st of August and you'd have an ELCS at 39 weeks.

I'm in a similar situation in NI where the cut off date is 2nd July and I'm due on 3rd. Will be having ELCS probably 26th June.

People have been saying I should ask them to wait, but no way am I letting the school year affect a medical decision like that.

In your case where there are additional risks of a VB I think you are crazy to be focusing on this.

I think u will just have to base ur school decision on your child. Being youngest doesn't meen he or she will struggle in fact on the flip side being the oldest has disadvantages too. My September dd had to wait the extra year and quite frankly was more than ready for school and was bored at pre school the last few months. Go by your child. If he seems young and unable to cope with school then u can defer a term til the January. There r options. Please don't worry yourself over this u may well find your child is perfectly ready for school. :)

Hey hun, I'm a teacher and although summer born (esp boys) are seen as being a vulnerable group I don't always see this reflected in the data/progress. I have taught boys born at the end of aug who were top of the class and kids born at the beginning of sept (oldest in the class) and who have really struggled. I honestly think the MOST important part of your childs education is the support they get at home. I really wouldn't let it worry you. xx

Pregnancy hormones are turning this molehill into a mountain. In the nicest possible way you need to get a grip. :)

No good comes of comparisons with school peers.

It seems catastrophic to describe issues a late birthday MAY have a bearing on as 'all the disadvantages that brings!'. Are they really behind or achieving milestones at the correct age/ later in the year? This doesn't have to be a self-fulling prophecy.

I am another person that didn't realise I was disadvantaged. My twin and I were 3 when I went to school and had our 4th birthday 2 weeks later. My 5 yo DS is in reception and has a winter birthday; he was definitely ready for school last year. My son struggled at nursery and was behind his peers - a few terms in school and the right support has made a massive difference.

Dogs Is your cousin single? and looking for a much older woman

For the sake of one day I would ask consultant to move one day if possible.
However I strongly suspect that by the time early August arrives, all sorts of things will seem different, OP herself will strongly be requesting CS asap.