Tips for DH during labour. What to do and what not to do.

[GrooveIsInTheFart]

Dh is to some extent still in shock about the prospect of impending fatherhood and birth.

I wanted to show him this thread so he has some idea of what the labour and birth might be like.

We have been disappointed by the limited advice/classes avalible in our area.

So Mn, what does he need to know?

Mr Groove

Don't sit playing on your phone the whole time.

Don't keep wandering in and out to give your DM or DMIL regular updates on the state of Groove's cervix by phone, facebook or text unless this has already been agreed in advance by Groove.

Don't ask questions like 'do you want a drink' once labour is getting going. Just offer the cup (with a straw in) at fairly regular intervals. Ditto things like glucose tablets if they're in the bag. If the G&A is being used, offer lipbalm regularly too.

Read the birth plan. Don't just 'go along' with what is suggested on the day if Groove has made it clear that's not something she's happy with (such as routine examinations, or an epidural) - ask questions on her behalf if she can't (like 'What happens if we wait another half hour?') or if a question is posed mid contraction, suggest waiting until the contraction is over before asking again.

Don't ask if it hurts. Yes, yes it fucking does. Lots. With bells on.

Familiarise yourself with the labour bag and birth bag so you know where things are.

Expect poo. From Groove, the baby and possibly yourself when you realise that this really is IT.

Expect to find yourself down at the 'business end' amazed at the fact that there's actually a baby coming out of there, even if you're very squeamish and have vowed to stay up top.

Don't panic if things don't go to plan. Wherever you are (home, MLU, CLU) the MWs are trained to deal with all sorts of emergencies.

Don't be surprised at how vigorous the MWs are with your baby once it is born - DH was at the way the MW handled DD when dressing her (although it was considerably more effective and quicker than his dainty-fannying-about attempts)

Eat and drink if you can. Keep your own energy up. You'll be no use to man nor beast if you're feeling all faint from lack of food later on.

If Groove threatens you with serious harm, no sex ever again, divorce or anything else, at that time she means it. She won't mean it later. But she will at the time and God Help You if you don't stop whatever you're doing to make her threaten you!

Enjoy it - this is the exciting bit where you actually get to meet your baby!

His primary job in labour is to look after you, get you water etc. it's also a good idea if you have discussed certain things before hand like what drugs you are open to having if any. Anything you do/don't want the MW to do so he can be your advocate when you are unable to be.
Labour is mostly long for a first baby, make sure he eats in the early stages so when it really gets going he's there when you need him. My DH said labour was very messy so if he's squeamish he should stay away from the business end!

Congrats on your pregnancy, all the best to you, your DH and bump

Ok fliss put it much better than I did :o

Don't have idle chit chat with a nurse about whether one of your team players will ask for a transfer.

It was nearly grounds for divorce in my opinion that one!!

They were, as I forcefully reminded them, supposed to be interested in me NOT the fecking football!!!!

(actually I am a bit embarrassed about that rant as we had been sitting around or in my case lying around for about 15 mins and nothing much was happening and all other topics of conversation had long run out!!!

make sure he plies you with lots of food and drink - that was my main thing.

and he must make sure you eat/drink it.

he also needs to know that at least one glass of water/juice per 10 minutes is right.

Expect poo. From Groove, the baby and possibly yourself when you realise that this really is IT

Hahahaha

do not do what my dh did and tell you to "put some effort into it" midway through pushing

i was in no state to slap him sadly but the midwives looked at him like he'd sworn lmao

No CRUNCHING - under any circumstances. Him not you obvs.

You are there to wait hand and foot on Groove for the length of labour.

Be prepared that you might be told off for speaking/not speaking/saying the wrong thing/touching her the wrong way. Don't take it personally.

Offer to run a bath in early labour, mop her forehead with a damp flannel, rub her back if she wants it rubbed, pass water, etc. Keep her calm and focused. Encourage her, tell her she can do it, she is doing it. When she replies "no, I fucking can't", don't be put off. Repeat that she can.

Tell her she is wonderful and that you love her lots.

Don't walk into the room where Groove is labouring with a giant plate of chicken curry.

Do not moan you are tired.

Certainly do not fall asleep.

Don't fall asleep whilst the mother of your first born is having full blown contractions then look shocked when you are woken with a scream

Don't believe any extremely young midwives who claim the process of delivering a baby through your fanjo is going to "sting a bit, like lemon juice on a cut"

Mr Groove, get your wife to hospital. Seriously. And ignore her protestations about getting dressed when the contractions are 30secs appart. YOU. DO. NOT. HAVE. TIME.

Mrs Groove, yes those are contractions, not an upset stomach

Seriously though, make sure you know what your wife wants during labour and support her wishes. Remember, she has gone into labour, not turned into an imbecile. Be nice to her. Encourage not shout, that type of thing.

Did Mr Crystal actually do that??

My dh worked on is iPad for the early part of my labour, I didn't need him and it stopped him clock watching and rubbed my back for the second part. Every baby has been different though. I would have liked if my dh had done the hypnobirthing with me but it wasn't his thing so I used my iPod instead which worked really well and was mild less annoying than dh.

Dh says in labour you're damned of you do damned if you don't

OMG I am crying laughing at this thread!

My DH asked ME how much longer I thought it would take, seriously we had only been in hospital an hour and I delivered shortly after! I think possibly out of sheer determination to get off that bed and wallop him one!

Flisspaps has certainly put it well.

Mr Groove - Practice your poker face in case things go slightly unplanned and you need to reassure Mrs Groove. You will be alot more with it than Mrs Groove & aware of extra doctors and the midwives conversations if she's had lots of drugs. The last thing she needs is to see you worried (concerned and in control but certainly not worried).

Don't accidentally pull out the oxytocin drip (if you're induced) - cheers DH.
Don't say "I'm so tired - I've been on my feet all night" afterwards - cheers ExH.

Yes - expect poo and/or stay at the head end. Be prepared to take any sort of shit from Groove and do not ever answer back. Whatever you want to say, think for a bit first.

Be prepared (as much as you can be) for seeing someone you love in a huge amount of pain and not being able to help - I think that was the worst part for DH.

Dont sit in the corner reading a book for 80% of the labour and wait to be asked "could you hold my hand"

Dont complain to the over worked hcps about the selection of jams on offer for the mandatory after birth slice of toast.

Dont forget to phone all your friends so that no one knows you have had the baby for 4 days.

Sigh. Yep. Dh did all of the above!

With ds2 he decided to go and get a latte after they broke my waters....cue him swanning in 30 mins later with a latte and a magazine and me shouting "where the rubbery fuck have you been you moron???!!" much to the ward sisters amusement!

Seriously, dont so any of the above. It rankles somewhat.

If you are counting through the contractions don`t point out that she has missed out 11. I did and got hit with the gas and air mask !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr Groove, when your baby is a week overdue, don't ignore your wife's protestations about putting the car in the garage to have some work done. They will promise to have it done by midday, and when your wife calls at 4.30pm to tell you her labour has started, the car will still be up on the jacks with no wheels on.

When the car is finally ready at 5.30pm, don't offer to pop to the supermarket on the way home. By 7.30pm her contractions will be 3 mins apart and she will definitely need both you and the car in order to go into hospital .

Oh yes, ignore the pooh and politely maintain that you never noticed.

When the mother of your soon-to-be born child is told nil-by-mouth, and is nearly weeping because all she wants is some Ribena or Lucozade, because she is suddenly crazy starving and needs the energy, don't say "Ooooh yeah I'm hungry too" and tuck into the Dairy Milk, cereal bars and juice in front of her.