Avoiding negative reinforcement of labour experience. Bloody impossible it would seem?

[ChineapplePunk]

This is just going to be a moan thread, so be forewarned. :)

I absolutely understand that my impending childbirth is, by it's vary nature, an unknown scenario, and I am fully aware that anything can happen and an open mind is essential. However, when trying to adopt a positive attitude towards childbirth, it would seem that you are fighting a losing battle. At every turn the media, the public, AND the medical profession constantly push the idea of unbearable pain, inevitable intervention, and trauma.

I've just completed a hypnobirthing course and absolutely accept that my birth experience can be a fulfilling, trauma-free, and manageable process (barring any unforeseen medical emergencies, and even then, I feel that I have the tools to cope with this). I guess I'm just PO'd with the barriers that are in place when trying to maintain a positive outlook, which is at the core of preparing for a natural, calm, and relaxed birth. It's difficult to not let these negative reinforcements mess with your head. A case in point - DH and I attended a physio/antenatal class this week and the physiotherapist started the introduction with, "I'll try to make this class as quick and painless as possible, UNLIKE your Labour"!!!!???? And then had the audacity later on in the class to stress the importance of staying positive and relaxed in regard to labour, as "tensing up" is one of the worst things you can do. She also peppered the class with little clichéd molten droplets of wisdom such as, "they don't call it Labour for nothing". Yawn.

It would seem to me that, short of living in a bubble for the next two months, the negative reinforcement that women receive is absolutely unavoidable. In saying that, at least this rant proves that I am going to rally against this BS at every available opportunity and return my head to "the good place". :-)

Ha,if anyone tried to tell me that childbirth was merely 'uncomfortable' I'd eat them alive! I felt like I deserved a bloody medal after having DD, and any attempt to downplay it will be severely punished.

Hard cheese - EXACTLY! It's the unspoken rule that if you had intervention you haven't done it 'properly'. I am always glad I'm able to silence any one talking along those lines by talking about my condition which generally gives me the upper hand back but I really shouldn't feel the need to have to do that.

I agree. I ended up needing the two very things I had desperately not wanted, an epidural and forceps. But they were totally necessary to save DD, not through any lack of preparation or effort on my part but because of her positioning. I do get sick of having to explain that though, and have distanced myself from a few 'friends' who loved to imply that the difference between their beautiful, G&A only waterbirths and my gorefest was PMA and good preparation. I too got to 9cms in the pool without even G&A (does that make me double hard core in their eyes?! ), but then circumstances too over. Hey ho.

sorry

Am in no way trying to be smug about my second birth or saying that you have to do it without epidural for it to be a positive birth AT ALL and I obviously know from experience that things can go wrong and be incredibley traumatic. (ds1 9lb 7oz, back to back, told I was trying hard enough - I was terrified. ventouse snapped, forceps when epi had worn off, I tore, had blood transfusion baby boy fine thank God) My point was that it helped me personally to be as prepared as possible for the second birth as I felt so out of control the first time. And as it happened it was great! And if it had have ended up like the first one well.... I don't know.... perhaps it was just luck?

Sorry for tangent! Better get back to the baby!

I think control is a good point stottiecake. With dd when the induction drugs kicked in I got gushing waters, contractions in my bum every two minutes, uncontrollable vomiting and the runs all in a matter of minutes. I did eventually lose control and after a couple of hours they gave me diamorphine, I slept for an hour or two and then woke up ready to go again and back in control.

I had no idea that might happen - second time round I will be prepared for that effect and I think just anticipating it will help me stay in control better which makes everything feel mentally much better.

'Expect pain and have a plan!'

Totally agree with this. I went into birth with an incredibly positive (one might say idealistic) attitude, and was shocked by the pain once I was around 9cm. It ended in an epidural that went wrong etc etc...

I actually wish I had been told it WILL be very painful, especially near the end, but you CAN cope. Positive, as you say OP, but not necessarily about the pain/lack of - just about the woman's ability to cope, in whatever way she feels is best.
I am pregnant with DC2 and am actually not scared about the pain - and am planning a home birth where epidural will not be an option. I know what to expect, and I think this may actually enable me to relax more. I just hope to be aware that yes, it is painful, sometimes horribly so, but it's temporary, and it's leading to something wonderful.