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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

May I ask how long after giving birth did you resume having sex?

52 replies

MixedBerries · 12/12/2011 12:37

And how was it? Did you feel "in shape" down there? I'm 8 weeks postpartum and my bits still look like offal! Kegeling all day but not having much effect that I can tell. Anyone divulging any experiences very much appreciated!

OP posts:
Cyclebump · 13/12/2011 10:50

Four weeks, felt different but not unpleasant or weird. Having spoken to friends it seems it's a very individual and personal decision. It's about when you feel ready.

whatdoiknowanyway · 13/12/2011 10:52

2weeks. But agree wholeheartedly with Cyclebump that it's a very personal decision. I had no tears, stitches etc so can't compare with those who did.

JustAddWine · 13/12/2011 11:00

Think I was nearer 3 months, but I did find that BFing made things a bit trickier too (without going into too much detail!) Xmas Blush

Don't beat yourself up about it. It's scary, but it gets better.

whenPaschagotstuckupthechimney · 13/12/2011 11:04

About 8 weeks I think. It was a bit tight where the episiotomy had been restitched Hmm but otherwise fine.

Secondtimelucky · 13/12/2011 11:56

It took me a good few months to feel 'good' about it again.

On the pelvic floor thing, I recently discovered most women do kegels incorrectly. We all clench like mad, but forget that the release is just as important. You aren't aiming for clenched muscles down there after all! I have also read that squatting like a toddler (i.e. feet flat on floor, bum back, not up on the balls of your toes) is really helpful. Don't know if it's true, but you crouch down so much with a baby and toddler that I figured it can't hurt!

heroinahalfshell · 13/12/2011 11:58

6 months.

I had a 2nd (almost 3rd) degree tear. And was shit scared!! Was ok though.

Original poster
MixedBerries · 13/12/2011 12:33

Thanks for all the replies so far. Interesting variations. Maybe I should add that, like heroinahalfshell I had a 2nd degree tear that was very nearly a 3rd degree. Please assure me it won't be such a mess forever! Plus unlucky enough to get varicose veins on my perineum after a very long pushing stage. They're showing no signs of leaving. Owww.

OP posts:
Cyclebump · 13/12/2011 15:59

Ouch Mixed! I had a second degree tear but I heal quickly. A friend had a third degree tear that took more than an hour to stitch and she had baby number two recently so life must have gone on at some point Smile

I found DP was more frightened than I was as he didn't want to hurt me so take your time and do what's right for you.

cece · 13/12/2011 16:02

5 months
3 months
5 weeks

StellaAndFries · 13/12/2011 16:05

I abstained for over a year after dd1, mainly as I was single. After the other 3 I think it was around 2 weeks.

Chynah · 13/12/2011 21:08

2 weeks but CS so no ouchy bits down below.

Dozeyland · 13/12/2011 21:08

aound 9 weeks i think, had a slight tear which didnt cause me any agro, but i just didnt feel ready... and also was focusing on getting BF right as i had a lot of troubles. but DP was supportive and all was fine after that! DC2 is due in may!

CBear6 · 13/12/2011 22:00

DS: VB with 2nd degree tear and stitches, two weeks after. Stitches were healed, bleeding had stopped, and it felt right (we had been slapped with a sex ban for the duration of the pregnancy which probably constributed to the rush). I wanted to try it sooner rather than later and I was paranoid that it was like a welly top down there but DH assured me it was fine and it all seemed to feel pretty much the same (probably TMI but I actually found it easier to achieve a "happy" post-baby).

DD: EMCS so no damage downstairs, three weeks after. It was much more tentative that time with many pauses followed by "are you okay?" because my tummy still felt a bit tender when touched. We didn't attempt it again for another 2-3 weeks after that once, partly because I was still tender to touch and partly because I started spotting again a few days after (my post-birth bleeding lasted much longer after my CS than it did after my VB).

It really is an individual thing, there's no right or wrong time really.

Shakey1500 · 13/12/2011 22:02

21 months, 4th Degree tear.

cheekyginger · 13/12/2011 22:25

About 8 weeks. Vajayjay ok even after episiotomy, but had cracking piles!!!!

Was a bit uncomortable first couple of times, but is back to full working order Xmas Grin

Scorps · 13/12/2011 22:28

10 days with dc1 and 2, dc3 about 7 days, dc4 doesn't count (circumstantial!)

I felt fine, but it's really down to you, how you feel down there, how you feel about your postnatal body, if you have time to Grin, but really it's individual.

Scorps · 13/12/2011 22:29

I did have very straight forward births, no stitches or CS, no tears.

CrazyAlien06 · 15/12/2011 04:39

Well I had my DD 11wks ago and haven't yet.too scared and it was painful when I tried :( I don't want to try again as don't want the pain.DH gas been understanding but it's slowly wearing him down. Also I'm constantly exhausted as getting hardly any sleep and I feel a total mess!
I has stitches which were very sore.

DoMeDon · 15/12/2011 12:15

2nd degree tear (refused stitches) - 6 weeks

BebeBelge · 15/12/2011 12:21

5 weeks both times. With dc1, I had an episiotomy and was a bit nervous and it was a little uncomfortable but not painful as such and after a few more goes was fine Xmas Grin. After DC2 (no episitomy) don't remember any difficulties. Both times, bled till about 4 weeks though otherwise would have tried sooner. VB both times too.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 15/12/2011 12:23

Straightforward birth with no tearing/stitches and did not feel ready until about 8 weeks afterwards and then it was fine but was quite anxious about whether it was all the same down there.

Friend of mine had really bad tearing and stitches and it took 6 months for her to build up to sex and even now 18 months later she has only had sex a couple of times.

Everyone is different based on their birth experience and how they feel afterwards. Although I loved breastfeeding it had a big impact on how sexy I felt and put me off wanting intimacy with DH.

OhFraktiousTree · 15/12/2011 13:01

8 weeks but we've done it twice and DS is nearly 7 months. BFing really put a damper on my libido until about 6 weeks ago and DH has been so busy with work he's hardly been home - and when he is he sleeps.

Original poster
MixedBerries · 16/12/2011 10:33

Thanks everyone for the replies. I'm bf but actually do feel really up for it if we ever get a moment. I'm just worried about how painful it'll be and disturbing my "fanniroid". I'm still having blood loss 8 weeks after the event so am going to the GP. I think my stitches haven't healed right. Thanks again!

OP posts:
RockChick1984 · 16/12/2011 20:01

We first DTD again about 4-5 weeks postnatal, it took until ds was about 7 months to get back to normal and it feeling how it did pre baby (for me anyway, dh said it felt pretty much the same straight away) but now it all feels better for me than it did before I'd given birth! I'd had episiotomy and stitches BTW.

SkaterGrrrrl · 11/01/2012 15:12

6 weeks to the day. It hurt. Next time I will wait longer! Oh and breastfeeding is very dehydrating, so use a ton of lube.