is home birth just for people who have no respect for...

[nevergoogle]

carpet.

just messing.

as you were.

yes!

i really hoped mine would get trashed when I had my homebirths, so I could replace it. sadly my midwives were a bit too handy with the inco pads

No, it's for people who have no respect for their neighbours. I mean, who wants to lose sleep over some woman mooing like a cow next door. . Seriously.

:o

my carpet, bed and neighbours survived!

we checked that the insurance covered damage to fixtures and fittings due to child birth. It did... even though i hated our carpet I still couldn,t bring myself to make a mess on purpose!

OP, you may have a point.

I have no respect for carpet.

I gave birth on an oak floor.

i was going "it doesn't matter if the carpet gets messy... no really..."

Haha! I got all ready to defend home births then

All that was left after my homebirth was a tiny (5p sized) spot of blood on the floor, and it was a wooden floor too so easily wiped off. No damage, even my waters managed to break whilst I was stood in the bath so no insurance claims needed here at all.

Only neighbours we have are MIL and FIL so definitely no complaints from them either. They couldn't actually hear anything anyway as we're detached but MIL was just so delighted to be able to come over straight away and hog my newborn for half hour cuddle her latest grandchild :)

I spattered the Farrow and Ball paint work The floors were fine. We had a lot of tarpaulin.

Home birth had no effect on my carpet. I birthed like a lady.

Sadly the baby was not a lady and he continues to create filth wherever he goes.

As to the neighbours - well, after home birth we found we didn't hear quite so many of their, ahem, noises either. Though when she had a baby a couple of months back she went into hospital so maybe my mooing put her off that too.

There's one definite downside to home birth though, which is that someone you know gets to clear up the mess afterwards, and they may tell you about it. DH told me that he washed a chunk of something down the drain which we later worked out was the missing part of my vagina

eewwwww! you are missing part of your vagina?

Not just my vagina, but some of the outside bits as well. Nothing to do with HB, I am just medically interesting, me. The bit missing from the inside looked like a little parmesan shaving, apparently. My career as a Razzle model is definitely over (but I could make a killing in a more specialised market roadkill).

we emptied the birthpool into the front garden (gore and all) and it came up a treat! we had a tomato plant sprout and all sorts... it was very good for it, it would seem

roadkill fanjos? do you need an editor?

i think i might be out of my depth on this thread. 2 c-sections y'see.

I was gutted that my carpet didn't get trashed!! It's bright green tartan ( not my choice I might add, we inherited it when we moved in) and is still there 2 years later!!

Yes some of my labia fell off, so I now have more than the usual amount but each one is smaller. No tomato plants though....I'm trying to make a good joke about your husband's seed, TIY, but it would be in poor taste so I won't.

small white cat and her publishable labia.

great name for a band.

as is the roadkill fanjos.

I never really look down there and as I am happily married and not really a former Razzle model (sorry for the slight fib earlier), it genuinely doesn't bother me. It doesn't hurt or anything. It did for quite a while after the birth though - I wouldn't like to go through that again.

nevergoogle you must have a gory wound story or something, surely?

DS1 has to come up with a tongue twister for this week's homework. Shall I?!

Ha ha!
I have no respect for carpets. I was so hoping I would have a small haemmorhage on mine so I could get a new one.
I failed, but did get a new sofa after my waters broke on my foul green draylon granny settee, so it wasn't all bad.

well, when they opened me up for emergency c-section the room was filled with the rotting smell of my group B strep infected waters and meconium. the surgeons winced and grimaced. "when did you say your waters broke?"
the septicaemia aftewards was pretty grim too.

fortunately for the grey poorly baby i produced, it was a happy ending and he's now 7 and healthy.

but hey, my carpets were fine!