is home birth just for people who have no respect for...

[nevergoogle]

carpet.

just messing.

as you were.

jacksmania I think I mooed. The morning after I had DD our retired next door neighbour brought round a gigantic carrot cake and a congratulations card.

Somehow he knew I'd given birth....

Our neighbours had no idea. I think it's because I have thick walls.

Oh nevergoogle you win. You must have been terrified. Septicaemia must have been awful. I had puerperal fever (no idea what it's called these days - I read too many victorian novels) after DS1 and was very ill, but I think what you had was much worse.

I gave birth in the hospital however I need to add my fetid fanny story! The student mdiwife, who was attending my birth, fainted whilst I was being stitched up. The midwife had to stop what she was doing and pull the emergency cord, it was all hands to the pumps!

I thought, my porn career will be over then.

I remember the midwife said that the student, "had a hard day"! Of course mine had been a breeze on the other hand.....

oh it was nothing really nothing years of CBT and antidepressants can't fix.

good story peanut.

At least you can bare your fanjo with pride instead of deliberately growing your pubes in case you need a smear.

Wow peanut.

yup, mine's a beaut.

wow, tumbleweed.

I think you killed it!

in fine form too!

we need a new carpet.

I have no embarrassing fanjo stories to get it going again, but I do have a homebirth one. I'll give it my best shot...

DD1 was upstairs (asleep, twas night) whilst DD2 was being born. When she got up, we tried to keep her out of the way until the mess was cleared away, but eventually let her come down. She looked into the birth pool and said "mummy, there's red playdoh in the paddling pool" and wandered off. I just said "gosh, yes darling, there is isn't there"

As good a reason for a new baby as any nickel babe

red playdoh, eww.

new carpets all round, i wouldn't sell any of you contents insurance.

Despite having shower curtains and towels everywhere, DS did poo on my carpet, but it came out after a good shampooing!

Nevergoogle - Jesus. Just... wow. and I thought my birth was shit So glad you're both ok!

Thisisyesterday - :o at your garden coming up a treat. There was a midwife who lived in the next community to us who buried placentas in her garden. Im not sure this was common knowledge, I was told by another midwife and I was never quite clear if she actually asked her clients if she could plant their placentas, so to speak, or even if she should have asked, or if that was just her practice... anyway, apparently she had her "placenta patch" and grew tomatoes on it... and was absolutely famous in the community for her tomatoes...

I never knew if I should be or :o.

full of goodness they are! lol

actually I have read on t'internet about people who use re-usable san pro and they um, they make a "stock" with the blood from them

and then they use it on their plants.

There is a bit of a tomato plant theme running through this thread.

TIY I think that is one of the most grim things I have ever heard. Stock? Do you mean stock as in knorr??

yeah. just for the plants you understand. but yes I think they boil up the san pro and reduce the water down to make a delicious menstrual stock.

nice.

O. M. G

I just googled, or started to google, "menstrual blood for plants"... The top auto-suggestion was "menstrual blood for SALE"

My partner's sister had a wonderful homebirth for no.2, had own pool and everything...

However, they made the rookie mistake of not emptying it asap, and left it overnight...not noticing the small leak .

In the morning it had flooded the downstairs, and all of their wooden floors were buggered- kinda took the edge of their cheerful lentil-weavery post birth glow!!

On the placenta side of things, my Dad did the full on hippy in the 80s anti-Thatcher thing in Manchester, and one of his friends did indeed cook and eat her own placenta. She was otherwise a very strict veggie...

Oh my very dear. Mind you, if there's a market for it, why don't they just get mooncups instead of boiling up fanjo rangs?

Oh Northern that is a very, very silly thing to do. As well as a really unhygienic one. Who wants to come down for breakfast and pass a used birth pool? Urk.

I put brown paper down on my carpets and it was fine. No mess to speak of. I was a lot messier with my two hospital births - no idea why.

It doesn't, ime, get messy until your waters break, and mine always went at the very last minute, onto a waiting incopad.

Nevergoogle, did you expect your thread to go this way? Because, well. Golly.

A friend of mine, with a 9 month old whom she home birthed, posted some artwork on her FB page recently. Placenta prints. I haven't yet managed to work up the courage to ask her WTAF, but when I do (which will probably be when I can drink again...) I will also be asking WHEN TAF because she can't have kept a placenta around for 6 months on the offchance that someone would want to join her for some gory screenprinting, can she?