Should we have lied to newly preggy friend about what birth was like? Is it wrong to join the conspiracy?

[Ushy]

Think I have an ethical dilemma

Five of us went for an evening out with newly preggy friend. When it came to discussion of what the birth was like the ONLY one of us who had had an uncomplicated birth went on and on about how wonderful it was and what an overwhelmingly life changing experience and how she should have the baby at home and resist all the interventions etc etc....
The rest of us said nothing or muttered 'it was ok' because we did not want to scare her. We had all had horrific experiences of childbirth and the three of us that have had elective caesareans have all said, between ourselves, it was far better than the 'intervention free' birth.

We chatted about it afterwards. Do we conspire to lie? I now actually feel quite bad because I remember - after my first birth -thinking why didn't someone tell me how awful 'natural' birth could be? I would have insisted on an early epidural and got DH to drag the doctor in to do a caesarean much earlier.

Somehow I feel I have been seduced into a conspiracy and I feel incredibly bad about it. She's a good friend, asked us a straight question and we lied.

Anyone else had this dilemma?

No but leaving a woman to suffer in childbirth with the aim of increasing the likelihood of successful breastfeeding (and pethidine is not the only thing that makes a baby sleepy in it's first few hours or days anyway) is reducing her to a food source in my eyes.

That's ok. I have emotions. I'm not a textbook, I'm a person. I really don't appreciate inflammatory nonsense and yeah, it shows.

no one has suggested leaving a woman to suffer. When you twist other people's words you undermine any elements of truth in your own argument.

I'm not a copy and paster but this was in response to spudulika's posts yesterday at 8.15 and 10.54 where she talks about the disadvantages of pethidine being that it is associated with a failure to breastfeed.

Firstly, I don't believe there is any way to conclusively prove that since breastfeeding failure has so many contributing factors and secondly, it wouldn't be fair to phase out the use of pethidine for that reason since a woman is more than the ability to produce milk.

To eliminate the risk of pain relief in childbirth, you would have to provide zero pain relief since there are none powerful enough that don't have risks and disadvantages. This argument has sort of spilled over into whether that risk is worth it. For me I believe it is although I'm happy to agree to disagree with anyone that doesn't. They don't have to take it if they don't want to.

but she doesn't say anything about denying women pain relief in order to make them bf. I'm not engaging with you any more cause you're just making stuff up.

I'm pretty sure that's what she's saying. I'd be very happy if that wasn't what she meant but I don't see how else to interpret her mentioning that as a reason why she thinks pethidine shouldn't be given to labouring women.

I'm really sorry moonface. I can't see what I'm making up

Really genuinely moonface. That was my interpretation. I'd love to be wrong. I really would.

Blimey!
I posted yesterday to say how I thought diamorphine was pretty rubbish as a painkiller for me. However, it in no way interfered with my ability to breastfeed which I did for 6mths for all 3. None show any signs so far of being long-term affected by it though. My 7yr old is bright and articulate with a talent for rugby and tennis and my 5yr old is g&t across the board as well as being the most sociable child you could meet. My 3yr old however, is looking like she's fairly lovable, chilled and happy but academically average and not really into sports; fairly passive tbh. She's the one I didn't have diamorphine with. Oh and she was the worse of the 3 at Bfeeding too!

Speaking of conspiracy in my NCT classes the very word painful in relation to childbirth was banned, so that we won't subconsciously programme ourselves for pain. We could only use "uncomfortable".

For the actual birth, I expected the worse and was happy that what I got wasnt as bad. However I have problems post-birth that weren't mentioned as a possibility, so wish people had talked more about that...

My advice for friends and family has been that I found the pain very easily bearable, but whatever you do, dont wish for a quick labour! Thats why my DS got distressed and what fucked up my vag

Am preg now with DC2 and not sure what to expect for birth, if I can even have a VB this time as first time I thought to expect the worst, but this time I'll know that last time wasnt that bad, IYSWIM?

IMO, the biggest conspiracy is that nobody bloody tells you how horrific the first 3mths are. How shit you will feel and the murderous thoughts you will have towards your DH esp if BF.

People did tell me how hard it was going to be and I thought yeah yeah but my kid will be different :o

Uh-uh!! I think I've aged ten years in the last seven months!

I'm a couple of weeks off having No4! I also made the mistake of thinking it would be easier 2nd time around, then 3rd time...I am not making the same mistake this time and DH is having 2wks off plus a third week working from home. I am also going to try and express much more this time when DH doesn't need to get up in the morning. I wanted to do that first time but stupidly listened to the MW who said it would interfere with BF. My first two children fed like fiends. Nothing could interfere with BF!

I made that mistake with bottles and dummies. We didn't use them in case he 'got confused'. He then refused to drink from a bottle or take a dummy for a good six months. It's so much pressure to be under when you are a baby's only source of food and comfort. Next time I'll be introducing them both straight away.

I'll warn you though michelle my EBF DS had a bottle and a dummy from birth. At about 4m he decided overnight that he didnt want either any more...

Noooo! I'm pretending I didn't read that, beyond :o :o

Fingers in ears! La la la la la!! :o