Homebirth: what did you do with your toddler?

[Wigeon]

I am due DC2 in May, when DD will be a month shy of 3 years old. We are possibly considering a homebirth (DD was born in a midwife-led centre in part of a hospital). My main worries about a homebirth all relate to DD. I really don't like the idea of DD being in the house for the whole birth (and certainly not at the actual birth), mainly because I made a complete racket during my first labour with DD (or rather, "I found vocalisation very useful in dealing with the pain"), and because I want to be able to concentrate on me, rather than worrying about DD at all.

DH is keen on considering a homebirth but also undecided, and during my first labour I wanted him with me throughout the whole thing.

My mum, who lives an hour / 1hr 30 mins away, would probably be the person who would need to look after DD, and I also don't really want my mum around for most of the birth. I'm not entirely sure where they would go because I am fairly new to this area, and although I have made a few local friends, I'm not sure if I could invite my mum round at any time of day to their houses!

Please share your stories of what you did with your toddler and how you managed a homebirth with an older child! I have searched previous messages, but only found ones about having your toddler with you at home during the labour and birth.

when i had ds2 I went into labour in the morning and my mum came and collected ds1 and took him to her house for the morning, they came back once i had had the baby

strangely although i had been very "vocal" in my first labour i was really very quiet in my second (and third)

when I had ds3 I very cleverly had him at night, so the older 2 slept through the whole 48 minutes of labour I had! lol

Mmm, dunno! We are planning a homebirth for DS2 (due end of Dec) but since we found out he is breech, I've sort of shelved that idea mentally for the time being. If he's turned successfully by ECV on tuesday, I will have to start making very fast plans!

Initially, we were thinking my parents could come and get DS and take him to their house, about an hour and a half away. Thing is, he's never been there (it's majorly cluttered and they always come here) and would probably freak out. The alternative is that they take him out for the day, and come back, get him to bed somehow (bathroom is downstairs, I planned to labour downstairs...) and camp out in the spare room. I am very inhibited by the idea of my mother and father hearing me in pain though, and don't want them in the house, really. Or DS - I keep on reading accounts of hb labour where the contractions only really kicked in after the older sibling had been taken off somewhere else! BooGeek (hello!), I do think we do hang on until things are as we would like them. For some, that's going to be having the whole family in there watching, but I can't imagine doing that myself.

My MW says chances are, I'd go into labour at night when DS was safely asleep, and my parents wouldn't be there because I wouldn't have called them, so it might just be a case of labouring at night and getting a friend or parent to pick DS up in the morning. I hoppe.

Watching this thread with interest!

3 hbs. For 2nd, went into labour as soon as dc1 was asleep, then delivered around 11pm. Had MIL as back up to come and take her but didn't need to in the end - she didn't wake up during it at all. For 3rd, went into labour in the morning of a weekend, and MIL came and took girls off for a few hours then brought them back. As they were quite a bit older I thought I might have them around, but was glad that I didn't. I wouldn't have been able to relax very much because I would be worrying about them!
Good luck!

Just popping back to say that although you were in labour for however many hours last time - therefore DD will probably be awake for some of it - I bet you weren't shouting your head off for all of that! My elder children were there in the early stages both times and hardly even noticed - if they wandered why I kept leaping up from the table to stride about/lean on the kitchen surfaces, they didn't ask :) Get your mum on standby to take her out somwhere really nice for the day...but I bet you have the baby when she is in bed. And have somebody (your mum again) on standby to take her out the next day, too.

Had dc3 at home - we had only lived in the area for a year so no family (my mum moved down the next day!) and only a few friends. Went into labour at 4am so was able to tell dh to have the day off work.

Dc1 went to preschool for the morning and dc2 at a friends house (he was 2 at the time). Had dc3 at 1.30pm and the others were home for tea, after dh had tidied up the bedroom.

Thank you for more stories - they all sound really positive and like giving birth is as hard as popping to the supermarket in logistics terms. Am very impressed with you all. Really feeling like it might be a real possibility.

I'll just add my story too.

DS1 was 3.1 when DS2 was born. MW's were not keen on him being in the house when I gave birth. I had back up plans for daytime, but no intention of waking him or my friends in the middle of the night. Being his Mum, I knew he would sleep through it.

As it was I had a sweep in the morning. At around 5pm I start having contractions, no real pattern to them, but quite painful. Did wonder if that was it, but no they stopped after an hour.

The labour started properly at 1.30am and DS2 was born at 3.16am.

I too am a believer that your body can wait until you are ready mentally, and relaxed enough to give birth.

Am currently almost 10 weeks with DC£, and am planning a HB. My mw says the majority of hbs happen in the middle of the night. Not good for her on call.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I also meant to add that the most speacial moment was DS! waking up in the morning and coming into our room to find a new baby there. His face was a picture. He also pulled down the duvet to look at my tummy, like he didn't believe that the baby lying there had come out of me. It was so sweet.

And oops. he was 4.1, not 3.1.

Oh, that's lovely, thanks so much for sharing. That's interesting that your MW says that HBs happen in the night. I am under the impression most labours start at night, but interesting to know HBs actually happen at night too.

My MW mintioned it at my booking in appt. last week, as we were talking about what I would do this time. DOn't think she likes middle of the night much, but with my last one, she had an idea I would go that night so was semi prepared.

I've had both of mine at home. Obviously no childcare issues for the first! With dd though I went into labour overnight and ds slept through the whole thing, she was born around 5am. Ds was woken by her crying so he came down and snuggled dh while I cuddled dd and fed her and the placenta was delivered then he went back to sleep so we had plenty of time do snuggle with dd . I had a big list of all my frineds who were happy to help with childcare and their phone numbers on the notice board. I just asked people if they minded being put on my list and nobody said no. I think if I had needed to transfer at night then I would have gone in on my own rather than wake anyone but that said I really don't think any of our friends would have minded.

Sorry I mean go in to hospital on my own leaving dh at home with ds.

DS1 was a HB started 5am, finally had him just after midnight, so spent the whole day in labour.

DS2 labour started again early morning, i was worried about what to do with DS1 (had plans with various people) all day but ctx were 10mins apart or more all day and only ramped up once he had gone to bed.

(Unfortunately DS2 was an undiagnosed breech so we transferred about 3am. DH woke up neighbour who came in and slept in our spare room, got up with DS1 in the morning & gave him breakfast, he was totally unsurprised by a relative stranger being in the house and not us!)

Planning a HB with DC3, am determined this one will be cooperative and i will start labour about 7.30pm and have the baby by midnight

DS1 is fine, off at school or could be with multiple friends. DS2 is SN and not sure who he would be happy with so will have to put some more thought into it.

We do have a p-t nanny so could have her with boys in another room. Don't think i'm too loud!

Have started talking to DS1 (4.5) about birth a bit and plan to more nearer the time so he isn't worried about me.

Oh yes for DS2's birth i had a sheet of paper with names & numbers and what times they were available to have DS1, a spreadsheet really for DH to refer to.

Have got a local friend who wants to be a birth partner too so if DH is away or needs to be with boys (DS2 esp) then she will be around.

So plans are forming...

DS - DD was looked after by DH whilst mum & MW stayed with me. she had her afternoon nap though so he was mostly in with us.

DD2 - they were asleep. it was funny seeing them wave at the midwives when they left.

it's a bit easier than hospital as i was happy to progress my labour before extra childcare turned up - don't like the thoght of waiting for someon toturn up, then driving to hospital whilst in full labour.

DD2 was born with DD1 (20 monrhs) in the house. She slept through most of the labour (but it had only been about an hour) and only woke up when I shouted for DH not to get in the bath he has a habit of taking baths and showers at the most inopportune times!) as my waters broke.

DH took DD1 one downstairs, I went up, DH put on a DVD for DD1 and by the time he got back upstairs, DD1's head was out. After all was cleaned up DD1 came to meet her sister.

DS was born at home with both girls around - this time DD1 (just over 3)was up as she had a bad cough and we just let her be with us from about 3am. We then employed the DVDs again and DD2 (19 months) woke up around 5am-ish (obviously more commotion this time) as DS was born around 5:45. They both came in and I remember DD2 leaning on my empty tummy in her eagerness to see her baby brother.

DD1 did witness me having some stiches but seems unscarred by the event.

What I liked about both homebirths is that the whole family was part of the event - no one was shipped out (though many relatives wanted to come and 'take my children away until it was over' - but I felt that it was important that no one was excluded, or that I didn't go into hospital and come home with a new person that everyone was supposed to accept.

I'd like to do it again (due in 4 weeks) though whether it will happen this time as this one is breech - so who knows.

I had DS at home when DD was 3. I had a close friend/neighbour 'on call' just in case - somewhere DD treated like a second home in any case. In the event, I had a 4 hour labour at night and DD didn't stir. This was in a pokey thin-walled flat and I was swearing my head off by the end.

In the morning she came in with her story book, just like any normal morning. I said, 'look! Your new baby brother is here!' and she gave him a cursory glance then said, 'oh yes ... can you read Olly Onion?'

MWs said it's a common worry but rarely an actual problem.

Am jealous of other people's toddlers, filled with wonder at meeting their new sibling. If DD had known the word, she'd have said 'meh'

It was different for me as ds1 was 5 at the time ds2 came along. He was old enough to be warned that mummy will make screaming noises and yes it would hurt but that it is nothing to worry about and totally normal and something that funny enough would make mummy very happy :) I went into labour at 3am and then told dh and ds1 at around 7am when they woke up. Ds1 had been given the choice of whether or not to go to school and he decided he wanted to stay home to meet his new brother as soon as he was born. So he was kept off (school had been pre-warned and fine as a life experience that he wouldn't get again).

My best friend (who lives about half hour drive away but doesn't drive so had to get a bus and taxi) was here to help as arranged and it was more her being the birthing partner and dh watching ds1. Ds1 was lovely and held my hand at times and we chatted like normal with me just stopping when I had a contraction. Ds2 was born in June so it was nice outside and ds1 was playing outside a bit (he was outside when I actually gave birth which I'm pleased about as it got a bit urgent at the end and it might have scared him - all was fine though, just needed rub reviving).

It's true about people offering to help. I'm a childminder and a few mindee's parents were on standby to take ds1 if needed but it never came to that. Was so lovely to be at home and have a nice cup of tea after and proper family cuddles. Ds1 loved his special first cuddle with his baby brother :)

Good luck with it, I highly recommend home births. My friend is about to have her 2nd one (due now) and her dd is 2.5. Pretty sure she's planning on her just being around.

I had homebirths with my last two and the experience was overwhelmingly positive.

The first time we had made arrangements for twin toddlers to go elsewhere but I delivered early so they were upstairs with DH at the time (he popped down to cut the cord) and came and met their new brother within minutes which was lovely.

Second time I went into labour at bath time. DH put kids to bed and then had the baby a couple of hours later and they all piled in the next morning to meet their new arrival. Being at home made it so relaxed and the kids just took any noise in their stride.

Good luck with yours

not read all the replies, sorry if i duplicate.

All my babies have been born at night. ds3 was born at home - i went into labour at about 11pm and had him at 1.30am. i was very loud in labour but ds1 and 2 slept soundly despite being a. not great sleepers and b. in the room directly above the birth pool.
my mum was also upstairs asleep but i also didn't want her at the actual birth, but we did wake her get her down as soon as ds3 born, before placenta dlivered so she felt v involved.
i was quite worried beforehand about what to do with ds1 and 2 but it all worked out perfectly and the home birth was amazing. they were so delighted to meet their brother in the morning.

I had a homebirth with my 2nd, my eldest was 20 months. It was because of having a toddler that I wanted a home birth as I didn't want him to be far away from us (me and dp) or to disrupt his routine too much.

Called my mum to come when contractions started (she lives 1.5 hours away) and as soon as contractions got strong and I was obviously acting a bit odd, I stayed upstairs, mostly pacing about the bedroom, and my son and dp (and, when she arrived, my mum) stayed downstairs. When midwives came, they just came up to me in the bedroom, son was probably oblivious.

Luckily the timing was such that son needed a nap as my labour was progressing well, so he came up to his room, birthpool was filled downstairs and I went down when it was ready.

When son woke up from nap, my mum stayed upstairs with him reading stories, watching tv etc, and brought him down when baby had been born (approx 2 hours after). She would have taken him out for a walk if he'd have got bored I think. Son took it all in his stride, was nonplussed by baby and pretty excited by the pool and the midwives :). And I honestly think the whole experience did help in making the arrival of baby a non-event for son, he showed no jealousy at all, until baby grew up a bit and started pinching his toys!

As long as you have someone to hand over childcare too, and they can sort out food//activites/naps etc then I think you'll be fine. I found it much easier than it would have been in hospital as my mum could just shout dp to ask e.g. where food/toys were. And I was only apart from son for the duration of labour and delivery, as soon as birth was over he could have a nice reassuring cuddle with me on the sofa.

Try not to worry, and good luck!

I had DS2 at home when DS 1 was 3 1/2. We thought that as we had a live in nanny on standby that DS1 would be out of the way whatever happened but did not counton him waking up and coming down to see what was going on as his brother was being born. He can still remember it and DH cuddled him and reassured him - we thought it would be worse to be removed from the scene. I was actually screaming my head of as DS2's shoulders got stuck but DS1 was just so excited to be meeting his brother - though initially wondered what the "big purple lump" was. They have always been incredibly close and I'm really pleased it happened now. Strangely the 2 dogs slept through it all in the next room. Our nanny's then boyfriend - now her husband - who was staying that night still maintains he was totally traumatised by the racket, but not sure I believe him!

I planned to have dd present (then 27 months) when I went into labour with dd2. It wasnt really out of choice as we dont drive or live near a hospital and have no local family to help out so I just had my fingers crossed that the baby would come very quickly at night.
It turned out I had a very short labour and was able to carry on about my day with dd1 having mild contractions while dh worked from home.
Once it started to get uncomfortable I asked him to get dinner ready while I had a rest on the bed and within about half an hour it all got intense and I realised the baby was on its way. DD was eating pizza and started jumping on the bed and just as I felt the urge to push she squished her pizza into my eye. I told dh to call our next door neighbour to come round and take her away. As much as I would have liked her to be there for the birth she really wasnt helping at all.
dd2 was born super fast into my trousers with no midwife in sight about 3 minutes later.