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Son asking to see private parts

79 replies

Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 18:19

Hi there, I’d love some advice as feeling slightly worried. I have a 5 year who for the majority of the time is a well enough behaved, kind and thoughtful child who understands right from wrong and bar the normal 5-year- old occasional power struggles is pretty good. Last summer when he was as 4.5 he quite suddenly had an interest in other kids bums. It started as a silly game where he and his friends would flash their bums at each other. We thought this was harmless enough until it seemed to happy every week and in different settings. We started gently talking to him about boundaries and privacy and as it kept continuing throughout the summer we bought many books and got firmer with him about it as he just kept doing it and we’d get reports from childcare settings and our friends that he’d been asking other kids to show their bums. Other kids seemed to be doing it too but I feel our son was the instigator. When we’d ask why he kept doing it he said he would get upset and say he didn’t know and it was because he was curious This caused a fair bit of strife as he just didn’t seem to be able to stop doing it. He started school in Sept and I was worried it was going to continue there however it seemed to be the opposite and he mainly forgot about it and when I asked how he felt about it in early autumn he said he wasn’t curious any more. So for most of this past school year we’ve forgotten about it and put it down to a developmental phase. Cut to these past few weeks, we had a couple of his girlfriends over last week and the kids where playing dress up and running wild in the living room, my partner was in the kitchen and overheard our son saying to his friends that they should all show their private parts. The girls were running around half dressed in fancy dress at this stage and he was dressed up as a princess. My husband alerted me straight away and I r put a stop to it and when his friends left we sat him down for a firm enough chat asking him why he was doing that again when he knows it’s not appropriate. He got upset and again said he didn’t know and he was curious. We are about to have a long summer of childcare settings and where he can run a bit free’er and I’m feeling very anxious we are going to have a repeat of last summer. We have started reading the books again to him this week but I’m feeling slightly exasperated that this is happening again and not sure what the trigger is. We’ve made it very clear being curious is completely normal but asking people to show their private parts is totally inappropriate and cannot happen. I’m just worried that it’s not sinking in. I’m also concerned about shaming him and causing problems for him at a later point but also slightly aghast about what to do. He isn’t diagnosed but we have a suspicion he might be slightly ADHD and wonder if part of this is a lack of impulse control. I guess a worried part of me is there is something wrong or he’s been exposed to something which seems very unlikely as he’s never out of our sight. Any advice/ reassurance would be really appreciated. Thanks

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Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 22/07/2025 18:37

You need to tell him sternly that he doesn’t do it and if he does there’s a consequence. Have you sat him down and explained about male and female difference in bodies so he doesn’t have to be as curious.

AllHoityToity · 22/07/2025 18:40

The first thing I would do is have a good think about who he spends time with when you are not there.

Next, I’d be making sure that I was completely sure he wasn’t getting a single moment of unsupervised internet access.

dimples76 · 22/07/2025 18:42

I think that it's very natural to be curious about the human body and it sounds like you have been doing all the right things. I would just carry on doing what you are and maintain a high level of supervision when friends are around.

Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 18:46

Yes that’s what I think - a consequence maybe needed so it goes in. Yes we have about 5 different books that we bought last summer explaining - privacy, different body parts etc. granted we’ve only started reading them again this week after a long break.

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Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 18:47

He really isn’t out of our sight and barely has any screen time at all. So it feels unlikely it’s anything he’s seen.

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Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 18:47

Thanks, yes that’s what I think too. I’d just love to get to the bottom of it

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FloraBotticelli · 22/07/2025 18:47

Have you ever told him clearly that he mustn’t ask to see people’s private parts, and what private parts are? It’s not clear from your post. Of course he’s asking because he’s curious - that’s totally normal.

Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 18:58

Yes very clearly that they are private parts of the body and it’s very inappropriate to ask others to show theirs or for him to show his. That’s the very frustrating part.

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Brokenforsummer · 22/07/2025 19:02

There is no such thing as slightly ADHD.

Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 19:02

Something else to mention that over these past 2-3 weeks or so he’s been very protective of his own privacy infront of me in particular. If he pees etc he wants the bathroom door shut and even getting in the shower he covers himself up on his way to the shower. He never seemed to care. I’ve definitely noticed a change these past few weeks.

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AuntMarch · 22/07/2025 19:02

what year is he in? They talk about bodies in summer term year 1, that could explain the renewed curiosity (obviously still not appropriate!)

Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 19:06

thanks, I really don’t know enough about it but we are told at school his focus is often disrupted and we notice his listening being so bad at points we have to ask the same question 5 times. I have various adult friends diagnosed with ADHD and they thought he might be. We’ve wondered for a few years but teachers/ nursery always brushed it off so we aren’t sure.

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Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 19:06

Reception but yes you’ve just reminded me they did a whole session about PANTS last month.

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MiloMinderbinder925 · 22/07/2025 19:11

I sound overly dramatic but I'd contact the NSPCC and get advice. It's this fixation and change in behaviour that could be something or nothing.

Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 19:13

Yes I will do that for sure. It’s definitely made me a little concerned. I’ve been thinking about a child therapist but not sure if that’s taking things too far.

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Toohardtofindaproperusername · 22/07/2025 19:21

Please get support. The behaviour could be a sign of potential abuse and a diagnosis isn't the answer ..... but there are specialists who will help you explore and hopefully understand what's happening

Please donr ask him why he's doing stuff. He's way too young to be able to tell you ..it will come out in play and in other ways that are less "direct".

It sounds really difficult Please don't try manage alone...or with non experts... there is good advice and specialist help out there and it will help.
So sorry ..its such a difficult thing to go through. Do hope it's not the worse. Take care.

Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 19:31

Thanks for this - who would you recommend I speak to? Is there any world where this is just normal 5 year old behaviour?

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SarahAndQuack · 22/07/2025 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 19:52

Sorry, I’m very confused by your message. What do you mean?

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showyourquality · 22/07/2025 20:05

Contact the NSPCC, this isn’t as unusual as you might think and yes impulsivity can make it worse. They will be able to talk you through what your next steps might be. They also have some information and advice online but talking to a real person can be helpful sometimes. But don’t panic.

Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 20:14

Thanks so much, this is very helpful. I will definitely call them tomorrow.

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Jerrypicker · 22/07/2025 20:26

Why don’t you buy him a book about the human body specifically made for children where there are also drawings of bums and private parts, usually on children’s bodies. I think that would satisfy his curiosity which is very normal at this age in my opinion. We had a similar book when me and my siblings were kids, we also had a book about how children are born and how they form in their mum’s tummy. I found it very interesting and fascinating. It also saves the parents from trying to explain how babies are formed and made. He might still have questions though but these books are very useful at explaining human anatomy.

Jerrypicker · 22/07/2025 20:33

Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 20:14

Thanks so much, this is very helpful. I will definitely call them tomorrow.

Calling the NSPCC?? Jesus wept! OMG please don’t do this! Your little one is just curious. He is only 5.
I’m seriously worried about some of the stupid and dramatic advice given to you by some.

Brokenforsummer · 22/07/2025 20:38

Jerrypicker · 22/07/2025 20:33

Calling the NSPCC?? Jesus wept! OMG please don’t do this! Your little one is just curious. He is only 5.
I’m seriously worried about some of the stupid and dramatic advice given to you by some.

NSPCC isn’t SS. Some one has suggested OP ring a charity who has lots of knowledge and experience of this issue. It’s a sensible suggestion.

Holdingoutforsummer · 22/07/2025 20:56

Thanks for this. I did buy one just like this last summer which did seem to help. I haven’t read it to him since but tried again last night. I’m hoping it will satisfy some of his curiosity.

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