I have two suicidal teens and I don't know what to do anymore

[Hrtbrkn]

My 15 yo has been on waiting list for autism assessment for 2 years (finally due Sept) and she's been self harming. Quite badly. She said she's thought a few times about suicide and we've been drs etc and she seems alright at the moment but school is a big issue for her I'm I'm worried about her restarting.

My 18 year old came to me last night shaking and asked me about mine and his fathers antidepressants and told me that the reason he didn't do that well in college finals is because he planned to commit suicide after college so didn't see the point.

I am taking him to the Dr's first thing tomorrow and we had a really long talk.

I have a 20 Yr old who is out of work and seems quite depressed too and a 13yo who seems OK but you just don't know do you.

I have ADHD and depression, their dad is bipolar.

We had kids young before we were diagnosed and I feel like we've just made children that have awful mental health genetics.

Up until about 4 years ago I thought we had done a great job. Covid hit and everything turned to shit

I feel like I'm spiralling and for years I've been terrified of losing one of them and now I feel like it's just a matter of time

How the fuck do I keep them all safe

I don't know what to do anymore

How can we all live like this.

Have you looked at Papyrus, they may be able to help. www.papyrus-uk.org/

No i will look. Thankyou.

Sending you and your family lots of love and hoping that those who are more knowledgeable than me can help.

I would try the Autism Society regarding your 15 year old.

Young Minds has a parent line for young people's mental health.

Rethink also has a good mental health helpline.

I feel for you. I am undiagnosed autistic and have 5 sons. My youngest is 33, diagnosed with ASD, ADHD and dyspraxia. He went to mainstream school and then college, and I had no idea how much he hated it, even though he had 1:1 support. After he left college he had a breakdown, said that the only reason he hadn't committed suicide was because he was too much of a coward to do anything. He got referred to the mental health team and the adult ASD team, where he was put on antidepressants, it made a huge difference although he had to try a couple of different ones. He stopped pretending to be normal and he gets ESA in the support group so he doesn't have to work. My eldest got addicted to drugs, and my second youngest was married with children and had a decent job. He left his wife after they had been together for 12 years and moved into a flat, after a couple of years he met a new woman and seemed to be besotted with her. Fast forward and he moved back home with me last year. I knew he liked going out and was using cocaine but I had no idea he was addicted. He never had any money despite paying me the bare minimum. Long story short he told me he felt suicidal a few weeks ago and said he needed to get away. He abandoned his job, children and girlfriend to go and live with another son in Scotland, his brother. I feel like such a failure, even though he insisted it wasn't my fault. It's then worst feeling when your child says they don't want to be alive, it feels like you inflicted life on them rather than gave them life

This organisation might be able to help - The Lucy Rayner Foundation – Mental Health Awareness & Support in Surrey or help direct you to more local support.

I'm sorry you are all going through this.

@MrsSlocombesCat I'm sorry you're going through this too

So sorry to hear that. It’s such a nightmare, I think the worst thing imaginable. But most of them do get through it and it is sadly v common. It’s good they are talking to you. Is there any kind of early intervention team where you are? Any other family or friends who are wise and strong who they would be ok to talk to in a crisis or maybe other times if you’re not available, and check with the other adults if they they are ok to be back up if your teens agree. Print out the numbers /emai addresses of helplines so that they have them available in a crisis

. If you can afford it pay for private counselling, it might take a bit of time to find someone they click with. In a way it doesn’t matter if they have a label or not in the short term, just to respond to who they are now. I’m so sorry to hear about your situation, it’s so scary and hard🌺 (sorry couldn’t find the bunch of flowers)

Thankyou.

My daughter has had counselling. She was on a waiting list as she was ahving it in school. But I'm going to pay for my sons out of pocket as the waiting list will just be too long

That sounds so difficult I'm sorry you're having to go through that. It says a lot that your children feel able to be honest and talk to you about these things as it's not an easy subject - that says a lot about what a good mum you must be.
I'd just echo what others have said and try and find any online help in the mean time and just keep going to the GP if things get worse.
I absolutely empathise with your 15 year old. I was undiagnosed autistic until recently and school was absolutely awful. I attempted suicide when I was 14 but my autism wasn't picked up until I was an adult unfortunately so I never got the right support in school. Hopefully the ASD team that your DD see's will be able to make some suggestions on how the school can help.
Id see what the GP decides to do regarding your 18 year old, he may be added to a long waiting list. If he feels suicidal or like he is a risk to himself I'd say just go to A&E, I've done this before when I didn't feel safe. I was seen by the crisis team who came out to my home daily and then after a week or so I was given a place at a mental health hospital which worked wonders for me.
It must be such a worry but it sounds like you're doing everything you can for them, just keep talking to them about how they're feeling and let them know they can be completely honest. Sending lots of love

Perhaps see if this can be helpful www.kooth.com and also a good place to start to improve things a little could be for each of you to think of an activity/experience that would bring you enjoyment and you all agree to do it together. You could start with once a week and build up from there. Connection with others and enjoyment in small, everyday things is key. Sending love and strength. Xx

Ring CAHMS. A lot of people say CAHMS has a 2 year waiting list but, just recently, a friend's teenager was seen for face-to-face counselling within 2 weeks.

My daughter had therapy in Jan with them and was waiting 2 years. But I'll try

Hi @Hrtbrkn,

Im sorry to hear that- I think these things can spiral and probably the more you are caught up in one child/mental health crisis the more another begins to silently struggle.

Having struggled myself in the past I think it’s best to have a multi prong plan of attack.

A few things to try:
-Make sure you are all getting outside every day. Lots of walks & nature, outdoor swims etc. You can start small and build up.

-Diet: Make sure everyone is eating healthy. Kefir yogurts and fermented food feed the gut bacteria and help produce serotonin (I know it sounds silly but it’s true). Drinking enough water etc.

-Are you all getting exercise? I know when I was a teen I would have shuddered at the word! But again it makes a huge difference. You could try a few things as a family like booking a local tennis court or going for a cycle. I love YouTube yoga.

-Therapy; if you can afford it I would get everyone going (again if they have before!) I know it’s costly but important.

-Try and get some healthy routines in place around sleep/phone & social media use etc.

-Is there anything which could mix up life as it is and being some joy - like a new pet?

It’s great that your daughter has finally reached the top of the waiting list. That’s really positive. Hopefully having a diagnosis will allow for more targeted help.

If you are worried about school return have you spoken to them? Maybe a phased return or extra help in place?

How are things at home between you all? Is there lots of arguments or are things calm? Is your husbands bipolar and your depression being managed? Are there any problems we could help advise on?

Sending you a big hug as must be very stressful. Remember being a teenager is a really tough time mentally. Especially hard when factoring in Covid and all those changes which have happened.

So sorry to hear this, hope you can get him some help

Getting the correct support, especially for ND people can be hard and long to find. Lock all sharps and pils away and trawl room for anything they can use to SH. That's the first thing they will suggest anyway. Have you heard of the FB group parenting mental health? There's a vast amount of lived experience and information to be had there. It's horrible. You feel so alone and helpless, but you aren't alone.

Can personally recommend Dr Rossouw psychiatrist at Stepping Stones clinic
https://www.steppingstonesclinic.uk/
(She and her colleagues are well regarded in the PANS PANDAS parents support group, sees many neuro diverse children with multi faceted difficulties)

Evening, OP. We can see lots of kind folk have linked you to specific organisations that may be able to offer specialist help, so that looks great. Just in case it's of any further use we thought we would also post a link to our Mental Health Webguide just in case there's anything there that might help.

Sending you lots of love and good wishes from all of us here. You're doing a great job there. We're all thinking of you and hoping you can get the support you and your children so much deserve.

Thankyou but I'm in the NW.

I've got a phone consultation with a therapist arranged for Tuesday.

Thankyou so much 💓

Hope it goes well on Tuesday - glad you have an appt with a therapist organised.
(For info we're not local either but do mainly video appts)

Whys my post above been deleted?

Hi Op
I am in Manchester. I got my daughter help through an organisation called m-thrive, they are giving her counselling till we get the full report from cahms.

Cahms also saw us quickly. We are waiting for the full plan from them which they said would take six weeks.

Same as you with suicidal thoughts and self harm. Good luck. You are not alone. People tell me this is common and they do come through but of course help should be sought.

Have you come across the Parenting Mental Health group on Facebook? These are your people ♥️💙💜💛

www.parentingmentalhealth.org