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Original poster

Anyone in the police who can help us? OCD.

90 replies

Lovetocare · 01/01/2023 17:54

My teenage ds has had a diagnosis of severe ocd. Lots of different themes and compulsions over the years. We are almost at the stage of getting therapy through camhs after first applying 5 years ago.

I'll keep it short but, for a huge amount of time my son has been worried about a video he viewed on you tube which he deemed to be illegal and has reported it several times. He revisited it a few times to see if it has been taken down but it wasn't. He is convinced that because he viewed this video then he will be arrested. It consumes his life and he says he can't even look to the future because he will probably go to jail. I have viewed the videos, they're slightly strange but they're nothing that would be deemed illegal which is why they haven't been taken down. He also worries about cartoons he's viewed on you tube a while ago that he's worried about.

It's absolutely heartbreaking to see him like this, he says he feels like he wants to die because of it. Me and dh have spent many nights up late getting him to realise everything is OK, talk about it in a logical way. The only thing left we can think of to do is get someone from the police to talk this through with him. I just want to know what people think the police would say? Would they think we are mad. Do they understand ocd, is this something they may have come across?

Many thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovetocare · 06/01/2023 15:23

TranquilBlue · 06/01/2023 14:15

You’ve had a lot of really good advice already, but I didn’t want to just read and run. My eldest DS has OCD and severe anxiety, mostly around the areas of poisons, toxins, contamination and health. Local CAMHS were beyond hopeless, so we ended up having to pay for both a private Psychiatrist and Clinical Psychologist, which nearly bankrupted us, but was worth it.

His OCD was at it’s worst across his GCSE’s and A’ Levels, possibly due to the stress levels amplifying his anxiety. At the time he was convinced he was going to die as a result of exposure to something in the environment, so like your son, he couldn’t see a future worth fighting for and was unable to focus on his exams.

DS also has ASD, which made engaging with the therapy very difficult and he was unable to do the necessary CBT. The game-changer for him was going onto Sertraline, which he still takes a high dose of daily.

He’s now almost 21, doing well in his first job and has taken up a hobby which his very mindful. He still has OCD, but he manages it at a level where he can have a life and see a future for himself. He’s still very avoidant of things that he perceives as a danger to his health and it can cause problems in certain situations, but he is a million miles away from the state he was in a few years ago.

I feel for you both, what you are going through is pure hell and very hard for people who haven’t been through it to understand. OCD is the worst bully in the world and it doesn’t just bully the person who has it, but everyone that loves them as well. Please try and get some support for yourself as well as for your DS. (I learned how important this is the hard way.)

I just wanted to post and give you some hope that it won’t always be this bad, it can get better. When I was where you are, I honestly couldn’t believe that, but here we are. DS is actually happy and life at home is, for the most part, calm and settled. I wish you and your DS all the very best and hope his upcoming appointment sets him on the path to recovery.

Thanks so much for the lovely message and I'm beyond happy that your son is now doing so well. We have a psychiatrist appointment Monday so will discuss Sertraline as it does seem to be really effective. 🙏 I think this age is very hard and added exam pressure doesn't help either.
I'm thank full for everyone's advice and weighing everything up, I don't feel involving the police as like others say, it's validating the ocd thought. If we ever come out of this worry I know there will be others but need to try so hard not to feed it by reassurance etc. It's very hard though.

OP posts:
MmaPreciousRamotswe · 06/01/2023 15:50

Hi @Lovetocare that's brilliant you have the appointment on Monday. Maybe see what the psychiatrist has to say about involving anyone else. IF, and ONLY if, she thinks police reassurance would help, the suggestion of going through the school makes sense. Bear in mind anyone here can say anything and may not actually be an appropriate person to help your son.

I work in mental health and it would be totally inappropriate for me to suggest I talk to your son. You don't have anything to prove that except me saying so. You could look for my past posts but I name change for privacy reasons.

Any professional person, including police officers, will have boundaries about getting professionally involved with someone they've met through a forum.

Wishing you and your son all the best for Monday.

stillvicarinatutu · 06/01/2023 16:19

Hey op good luck for Monday. Let me know what they say

SuperFly123 · 06/01/2023 16:36

Great that you have an appointment so soon, all the best, your son is lucky to have such supportive parents

Ruffpuff · 06/01/2023 16:42

I work in the force. If you ask if a police officer (more likely PCSO) would have a chat with him over the phone then they would. Explain the situation and his MH issues and how it’s affecting his life. They’ll be more than happy to reassure him, although it may take a while for a call back. Make note that he’s reported the videos. The police aren’t too interested in what people view on platforms like YouTube, as it’s so easily accessible. It’s those who actively seek things on the deep web the police are interested in.

TeapotTitties · 06/01/2023 17:27

OP with the best will in the world I don't think you should allow any strangers from Mumsnet to contact your child, no matter how long they've been a member, or what they do for a living.

It would be far better to contact 101 online, explain everything, leave your details and let them advise the best course of action.

Good luck Flowers

ThatLibraryMiss · 06/01/2023 18:11

TeapotTitties · 06/01/2023 17:27

OP with the best will in the world I don't think you should allow any strangers from Mumsnet to contact your child, no matter how long they've been a member, or what they do for a living.

It would be far better to contact 101 online, explain everything, leave your details and let them advise the best course of action.

Good luck Flowers

Absolutely this. You have only someone's word that they are what they say they are.

TeapotTitties · 06/01/2023 18:36

But even if they are who they say they are (and I have no reason to doubt that btw), a police officer asking for contact with a very vulnerable child via an anonymous online forum, surely goes against everything the police advise?

I'd be very surprised if it didn't get them into trouble, even if the desperate parent did think it was ok at the time.

It's a kind offer but also very wrong.

stillvicarinatutu · 06/01/2023 18:51

For the record - I said for op to contact me and I would verify my credentials.
I did t say I would talk to her child - I said the op could speak to me via pm and I'd see if I could help .

Won't make that mistake again worry not .

stillvicarinatutu · 06/01/2023 18:54

And all I would have done is explain the law - to try and allay his fears around breaking it .

I was trying to help . It's easy to verify that I who I say - via pm - not publicly.

DuplicateUserName · 06/01/2023 18:56

I get it was a nice offer Flowers

But far safer (for both of you) and less long-winded to email 101.

shivermetimbers77 · 06/01/2023 19:13

Hi OP, I’m a mental health professional and I also experienced OCD myself as a teenager so understand how tough it can be to treat but also how agonising it can be to experience. I am glad your child has an appointment with a clin psych, and hope it will be helpful. It may help you to know that your child’s experience of anxiety about the video is not that uncommon: many people with OCD have a subtype of OCD called ‘harm OCD’ (fear of having harmed someone: eg convinced they may have run someone over in their car) and also a significant number have paeophile OCD (fear that they may be a paedophile, may have behaved inappropriately with children, or may have watched illegal porn) . In all cases I have seen the person was absolutely innocent and would never do the thing they feared doing but were utterly convinced of their own guilt and certain that they would be arrested and imprisoned . There’s a useful article about it here which you may find helpful/reassuring : iocdf.org/expert-opinions/am-i-a-monster-an-overview-of-common-features-typical-course-shame-and-treatment-of-pedophilia-ocd-pocd/

Original poster
Lovetocare · 06/01/2023 19:55

shivermetimbers77 · 06/01/2023 19:13

Hi OP, I’m a mental health professional and I also experienced OCD myself as a teenager so understand how tough it can be to treat but also how agonising it can be to experience. I am glad your child has an appointment with a clin psych, and hope it will be helpful. It may help you to know that your child’s experience of anxiety about the video is not that uncommon: many people with OCD have a subtype of OCD called ‘harm OCD’ (fear of having harmed someone: eg convinced they may have run someone over in their car) and also a significant number have paeophile OCD (fear that they may be a paedophile, may have behaved inappropriately with children, or may have watched illegal porn) . In all cases I have seen the person was absolutely innocent and would never do the thing they feared doing but were utterly convinced of their own guilt and certain that they would be arrested and imprisoned . There’s a useful article about it here which you may find helpful/reassuring : iocdf.org/expert-opinions/am-i-a-monster-an-overview-of-common-features-typical-course-shame-and-treatment-of-pedophilia-ocd-pocd/

He suffers from all those themes...
Thank u. Its so hard to explain to someone about it who doesn't understand as people would not get it.
I've also suffered in my life and I do wonder if ocd can be genetic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovetocare · 06/01/2023 20:31

stillvicarinatutu · 06/01/2023 18:54

And all I would have done is explain the law - to try and allay his fears around breaking it .

I was trying to help . It's easy to verify that I who I say - via pm - not publicly.

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
mirabella17 · 21/01/2023 17:59

Just wondered how your son is getting on OP?

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