Anyone in the police who can help us? OCD.

[Lovetocare]

My teenage ds has had a diagnosis of severe ocd. Lots of different themes and compulsions over the years. We are almost at the stage of getting therapy through camhs after first applying 5 years ago.

I'll keep it short but, for a huge amount of time my son has been worried about a video he viewed on you tube which he deemed to be illegal and has reported it several times. He revisited it a few times to see if it has been taken down but it wasn't. He is convinced that because he viewed this video then he will be arrested. It consumes his life and he says he can't even look to the future because he will probably go to jail. I have viewed the videos, they're slightly strange but they're nothing that would be deemed illegal which is why they haven't been taken down. He also worries about cartoons he's viewed on you tube a while ago that he's worried about.

It's absolutely heartbreaking to see him like this, he says he feels like he wants to die because of it. Me and dh have spent many nights up late getting him to realise everything is OK, talk about it in a logical way. The only thing left we can think of to do is get someone from the police to talk this through with him. I just want to know what people think the police would say? Would they think we are mad. Do they understand ocd, is this something they may have come across?

Many thanks in advance.

I should add my friends son is autistic and so is mine - the ocd in friends boy is much more extreme than my boy - but I've built up a network of friends with kids who are not nt- I've helped a few of them over the years .

Engagement with a child psychiatrist and Sertraline. As pp have said, not a good idea to seek validation using the police.

I'm using th app here but if you let me know I'll log on laptop if you pm me . Hth x

Yes more needs doing but if it would allay his immediate anxiety I'm happy to
Help .

I'm very tempted, he's literally terrified of the police though and he honestly thinks he's viewed something illegal. I would definitely like to talk to you privately if that's OK?

In my limited experience, unrelated to these issues, the police are a fantastic group of people.
My DH is a counsellor, who now specialises in children (if that makes sense).
I would recommend looking for a counsellor (much cheaper than a psychiatrist) for an assessment: they won’t bullshit you if they can’t deal with the problem they will say).
Medication can only be prescribed by a psychiatrist/doctor but working through the thought patterns is the remit of counsellors.
This thread is so sad and concerning and I hope your children get the help they need

Of course love - pm me - I'll log onto laptop but will be tomorrow now as I'm on an early shift tomorrow so in bed already - If you on me I can explain who I am, send you my collar no
Etc and my force then you can decide if you think I could lend a hand - I'm the least scary police officer ever - and I understand none nt people very well- yes it's irrational but so was my friends boy - I explained the law on guns and what constitutes an offence and was able to
Reassure him that the police were not ever goi g to be interested in him firing a b&b gun on wasteland - it did work . He was getting into a
Right old state over it . I'm sure I can help reassure your boy - but also maybe you need to seek some further advice via
Gp or psychological services to get some advice
And coping methods that will help in future .

It's very hard living with a child with severe OCD. I think it's a good idea for you to phone Camhs crisis line and ask them for support. What you need to think about is if you get someone from the police to speak to him this time what will you do next time when his worries start again ?

I'll message you tomorrow after work as I'm also in early. That's great, thank you. 😊

Once you've had a private conversation with the police officer, perhaps they could send a recorded video over first to help his anxiety about speaking in real time.

Hello! I made an account specifically to post for your lovely son. I have ocd too and I could have written nearly word for word what you have written about your son and I am heartbroken that he is having such a difficult time. His worry is one of ocd’s biggest mind games and most common tricks - latching onto a random event and attaching some kind of meaning to it, in this case ‘what if I have done something terrible and the police arrest me etc etc…’. This is completely irrational as you know but ocd doesn’t usually care! Your son’s worry is just further proof that he is a caring, good person with a strong sense of justice and that is why his brain is torturing so. I would be hesitant for your son to contact the police to reassure him of his worries because usually once you ‘prove’ an intrusive thought isn’t true, ocd will latch onto something else and the cycle repeats. One thing my therapist told me was that we can never really be 100% certain about everything in our heads, but we have to try to go through life accepting that uncertainty. Therapy and a different kind of medication will help! It had massively helped me. He shouldn’t worry about feeling the need to ‘confess’ and have to explain his thoughts straight away to a therapist if he doesn’t feel comfortable, the CBT therapist will still be able to help him! And over time once he builds up a relationship he may be able to explain more. His thoughts, feelings and intrusive thoughts are completely classic ocd, and no one who knows anything about ocd would be shocked!

This helped my ds. We used the tactics recommended and ds read some of the particularly useful sections.

Oops.
link
tamarchansky.com/books/freeing-your-child-from-obsessive-compulsive-disorder/

I'm afraid that for someone in the grip of this type of paranoia, involving the police would (in his perception) only feed the delusional belief. You can't overcome this with logic or reason, and the harder you try the more deeply embedded the obsessive delusions will become.

This disordered thinking may be much more than OCD. Your son needs a full psychiatric evaluation, make a GP appt asap.

Thanks so much for taking time to reply. My ds doesn't want to be on medication and came off fluoxetine but I think we should try Sertraline which was mentioned as an alternative. The only thing is we don't have a child psychiatrist at our camhs at the moment. I know what you mean about him moving to another worry/theme if we do go to the police about this one. The thing is this has been the longest one and it has been so so long it has consumed him with others as well in between. He also checks things alot, checks his animals constantly to make sure he's shut cages, locks dangerous objects away etc...
I'm so hoping that this therapist really helps 🙏
We did have someone privately. My ds said she said to him at the beginning of the therapy if he did mention he has done a crime or something illegal than its her duty to report it. Of course then he wouldn't talk about a lot of things as he believed she would talk to the police about it.
Thanks so much for your support 🙏

Thank you 😊

With all due respect, and knowing that the police officers who would engage would mean well, I would advise not falling into the trap of actually engaging with the police to "reassure" your son. I know it seems so, so tempting, and you think that surely with sufficient logic and truth the obsession will crumble. But it won't. You can't attack it with logic. Even if you did meet with a police officer, the obsession would evade that logic as it has all the others, and will only become further entrenched.

Your son's mental health will improve with treatment and possibly medication, not this.

☝️I would have a chat with your son about trying another medication, such as sertraline, to help alleviate his symptoms. It really can make a difference, specially as it sounds like he is being totally consumed by his anxiety and intrusive thoughts, to the point that he may be struggling to function. The medication will help with this in the short term, and get him in a better state for when his therapy begins.

In a way, you have to learn to do now what he will also have to learn to do: avoid falling into the trap of seeking reassurance externally, avoid feeding the obsession by engaging with it, and build your ability to tolerate his emotional distress in the knowledge that it will peak and then decline, because nobody can stay at peak distress. I know that sounds horrible and there is no implied criticism in what I've said; it's natural and normal to try what you've tried. It's just that, at best, it doesn't work, and at worst, it actively feeds the OCD.

Another great post here. Really hope things start to improve for your son soon OP.

apps.apple.com/gb/app/cbt-thought-diary-journal/id1010391170

My ds used this app for his ocd, which he learnt to use through his CBT therapy. It's been amazing for him. He writes down the thought and accompanying belief (which you could discuss with him first).

We also do a daily 'worry time' for 8 minutes, sometimes just focusing on one irrational worry (he knows they are irrational but that's ocd!) we may then have to look something up on the internet eg for you, look up what whether police would arrest you for viewing something.

Once you have found reassuring information, copy and paste this onto a document and print it out if possible, then stick it into a notebook.

We find that the combination of worry time, the thought/belief app and a journal of evidence for the most distressing worries provided reassurance (and avoids him having to repeatedly ask us for reassurance).

It's a long road and we are nowhere near the end of it but these strategies are beginning to work.

You are not alone in this, it's terrible for the whole family x

As for police officers not having a clue with matters such as these, that's a sweeping generalisation. Not only do they spend the majority of their time dealing mental health calls, they may also have personal experience or god forbid...empathy!

The police, with one exception were great with DD! Far nicer generally than the staff on A & E, who she tells us were rude, dismissive and lacking in empathy! The adults crisis team were also worse than useless!

Oh bless him, it’s such a crappy thing to go through. Completely understandable that that comment from the therapist was triggering for him and made him not want to open up. Though of course logically, that’s just something the therapists have to say and they are not in any way shape or form referring to any minor transgression or odd thing that we all may do, and they are professionals who know the difference between actual things that professionals would have to flag up, and a good person struggling with a common mental illness! But perhaps it would be good for him to see a new therapist who is experienced in OCD and might phrase things a bit more sensitively. They really have heard it all before, and the reason this thought is sticking the most is probably because it’s most at odds with who he is - a good person. This link on the mind website about ocd has some useful and reassuring info for your son

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/symptoms-of-ocd/

about the sertraline, I personally take it and it has helped greatly. Good luck, and reassure your son that this is temporary and it will indeed get better.

Hey op my laptop hadn't been charged in a while bear with me !

You’ve had a lot of really good advice already, but I didn’t want to just read and run. My eldest DS has OCD and severe anxiety, mostly around the areas of poisons, toxins, contamination and health. Local CAMHS were beyond hopeless, so we ended up having to pay for both a private Psychiatrist and Clinical Psychologist, which nearly bankrupted us, but was worth it.

His OCD was at it’s worst across his GCSE’s and A’ Levels, possibly due to the stress levels amplifying his anxiety. At the time he was convinced he was going to die as a result of exposure to something in the environment, so like your son, he couldn’t see a future worth fighting for and was unable to focus on his exams.

DS also has ASD, which made engaging with the therapy very difficult and he was unable to do the necessary CBT. The game-changer for him was going onto Sertraline, which he still takes a high dose of daily.

He’s now almost 21, doing well in his first job and has taken up a hobby which his very mindful. He still has OCD, but he manages it at a level where he can have a life and see a future for himself. He’s still very avoidant of things that he perceives as a danger to his health and it can cause problems in certain situations, but he is a million miles away from the state he was in a few years ago.

I feel for you both, what you are going through is pure hell and very hard for people who haven’t been through it to understand. OCD is the worst bully in the world and it doesn’t just bully the person who has it, but everyone that loves them as well. Please try and get some support for yourself as well as for your DS. (I learned how important this is the hard way.)

I just wanted to post and give you some hope that it won’t always be this bad, it can get better. When I was where you are, I honestly couldn’t believe that, but here we are. DS is actually happy and life at home is, for the most part, calm and settled. I wish you and your DS all the very best and hope his upcoming appointment sets him on the path to recovery.