Anyone in the police who can help us? OCD.

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My teenage ds has had a diagnosis of severe ocd. Lots of different themes and compulsions over the years. We are almost at the stage of getting therapy through camhs after first applying 5 years ago.

I'll keep it short but, for a huge amount of time my son has been worried about a video he viewed on you tube which he deemed to be illegal and has reported it several times. He revisited it a few times to see if it has been taken down but it wasn't. He is convinced that because he viewed this video then he will be arrested. It consumes his life and he says he can't even look to the future because he will probably go to jail. I have viewed the videos, they're slightly strange but they're nothing that would be deemed illegal which is why they haven't been taken down. He also worries about cartoons he's viewed on you tube a while ago that he's worried about.

It's absolutely heartbreaking to see him like this, he says he feels like he wants to die because of it. Me and dh have spent many nights up late getting him to realise everything is OK, talk about it in a logical way. The only thing left we can think of to do is get someone from the police to talk this through with him. I just want to know what people think the police would say? Would they think we are mad. Do they understand ocd, is this something they may have come across?

Many thanks in advance.

It's been a long and difficult process but we are there. I have spoken to her on the phone and she said she's going to do everything in her power to help him live with ocd. She also apologised for camhs letting him down. Long story but weve been really messed around. My only concern is that my ds said he won't talk about this, but he needs to as this is what is consuming him day and night.

Hi OP ...Try not to worry that he won't mention this particular obsession ( for that it what it is, just like cleaning or ordering etc). It's intrusive thinking and exactly what they should help with. Paying any attention to the thoughts is actually the worst thing to do. He needs to learn (and it will take a lot of time, love and work to get there) to allow the thoughts to exist but to not focus on them constantly. There are many ways to achieve this. Distraction, visualising the thought as a ball in a pool, allowing a certain amount of time a day to allow the worrying. Etc etc. They should help with this and some strategies work bettet than others for different people.
CBT takes hard work but can really help. I hope the psychologist is able to help
In the meantime I would do as a PP says, reassure once and then move on gently. 'I have told you this is not an issue we need to discuss again now legs do xyz' .....doing is better than talking. My DS found listening to music v helpful to distract from thoughts.

I don’t know how the police would respond, but I do know about OCD
it sounds like he is experiencing intrusive distressing thoughts / obsessions that he feels a need to ‘neutralise’ the anxiety by seeking reassurance, checking, obsessing etc

but those methods keep the OCD going
he needs CBT desperately !!!!
in the meantime - I would make sure Cahms know he is feeling so hopeless
get appointment to review medication
let him know that OCD thoughts are bullies -
they torment you with the things that bother you-
so because he is the kind of lad that doesn’t want to get things wrong / get in trouble etc he is tormented with thoughts that he has screwed up seeing videos and he will get in trouble and he has ruined his life …
with the right treatment he WILL get better and life will improve
He will learn to recognise his OCD thoughts as just thoughts not truths
he will learn to disengage from these thoughts
how to lean into the thoughts and ride through the anxiety
to live his life the way he wants to, not how the OCD is trying to dictate
things will get better but he needs the right treatment
best wishes x

Dd had anxiety which came out in intrusive thoughts she kept going back to. We used a workbook with her and one of the main things was having an allocated worry time. So when dc want to talk about their worries you say we’ll talk about it at worry time and stop the conversation there. Then they do get their 10 minutes a day to blurt out the worries but can’t spiral.
the other side to it is thinking of activities and distractions and making a list of things they can do to keep their minds occupied.

I've had OCD for as long as I can remember and have on occasion had obsessions like you describe. About 7 years ago, I had such a bad episode of it that I was convinced I'd done something illegal but blocked it out because it was so awful. Telling myself I hadn't done it didn't work. Rationalising in my brain how impossible it would be didn't work. Asking people for reassurance that I wouldn't have done something like that didn't work. I was in a state of utter panic, it's one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced. Like your DS I thought I'd wrecked my life and was going to prison. Even if I'd had absolute watertight proof that I hadn't done anything, I know that OCD would still have come up with a way to get round it and sow the doubt again. It's a horrible, nasty illness.

What did help was CBT, along with Sertraline (which I'm still taking to this day). The therapy helped me to understand why I was experiencing the intrusive thinking patterns and equipped me to be able to distract and focus away from the anxiety every time it hit (which at it's worst was about every 30 seconds). I was able to get myself to a place where I wasn't panicking most of the time and was then able to concentrate my efforts on engaging with the therapy.

I hope therapy goes well for DS, remember though that you need support too, hopefully you have someone to talk to IRL.

We have plenty of experience of the police, in connection with DD’s MH problems (including OCD); and they were very good. However talking with DN, a policeman the other day, he said they are under such pressure, they don’t have time to investigate burglaries. I can’t imagine they would be willing to talk about OCD, with someone. As pp have said, it’s best not to enable magical thinking, by going along with it.

Nope, won't even be on the police radar.

Thanks so much. When I say it's ocd as other thoughts you have are, then he says but I actually viewed the video, I did something not just worried about doing something. I said to him the way you're dealing with it is OCD, the way you're obsessing. He is comparing himself to a sex offender for this, he walks around with his head down feeling guilty. Its so hard because from the outside I can see how irrational it is.

That's interesting. Did you actually go to the police with a worry?
You're right they probably won't have time off was just losing my mind and thinking what i can possibly do to put an end to this.
I'm sorry you've had to go through this too.

Thank you. He's come off the fluoxetine but maybe he can try Sertraline. We are close now to the therapy thank goodness.

It's hard to discuss with others and I'm so grateful to you all for replying. It's not someyjung that's easy to discuss with someone who doesn't understand ocd.

Thanks so much 🙏 I'm so sad we've had to wait so long for help but it's so close.

My da has ocd and has completed a CBT course. He often wants to go to the authorities to report a 'crime'
Eg not paying for something on a self service check out (even though he knows he probably did, or certainly intended to).

Don't go down the route of helping him to report something to the police - where would this end?

I have told him my ds , when he's been in a complete state, to write an email admitting his 'guilt' and send it the next day - this removes the immediate anxiety and by the next day the urge has gone down - delaying really works for him.

He's had ocd about turning off taps - so we agree to return to the place to check they are off. By the next day he doesn't mention it again as the urge/overwhelming anxiety has reduced.

Good luck, I know how hard it is.

DS is in absolute turmoil tonight. He says he will never forgive himself for what he's done, he will need to punish himself forever. His teachers think he's nice but the guilt makes him feel awful because if only they knew what an awful person he is. I actually don't think I can deal with this as its breaking me seeing him constantly like this....

I know I'm not meant to reassure, give his thoughts any validation but what do I do when he's like this? It's been month and months of this and I just don't know what to do anymore.

Oh OP I am so sorry it is so tough for him today (and you).
It is so hard to know how to deal with it I know from experience.
Try to remain calm and just offer your love and support without reassuring on this issue (which is pointless). Saying things like ' I can hear how hard things are for you at the moment and I am sorry life is tough' but not trying to rationalise or use logic can be powerful.
He has the date to start treatment. If he is physically safe and there is no reason to suspect he will hurt himself all you can do is tolerate his distress and be there for him physically as a loving reassuring presence until he starts getting the help he needs.
If you think he is at crisis and may do something to hurt himself you could try to get in touch with the CAMHS crisis team but with services the way they are that may not be easy.. Or wait until tomorrow and call CAMHS again to see what they can offer before his first appointment.
For now maybe suggest a warm bath, milky drink anything to help sleep come on?
I have 2 DC who have/ had severe mental illness and it is so very hard not to be able to fix it.

I’m a police officer but used to be a PCSO. This is definitely PCSO remit and they would (in our force) be happy to come out and do a reassurance visit.
I have also suffered with anxiety in the past and sometimes you do need to deal with the issue that is consuming you. Make sure he shows the PCSO the video so he has covered every base and they can reassure him about the content.
Longterm however CBT is the way forward and also counselling for his issues.
When you call 101 make sure your reiterate how awful it is and ask that a PCSO be in touch with you.
Schools are also effective in these type of situations and we often work closely with schools in order to safeguard / support young people. I would also speak with them about how debilitating it is, they usually have a good relationship with the local PCSO and so you could engage through that route if you preferred x

Thank you 😊 I always try to not reassure, talk about the issue too much as I know that's the wrong thing to do bur he's constantly throwing questions at me and scenarios to basically try and prove why he's an awful person. It's exhausting and so upsetting to see as he's a lovely child and has so much he could be looking forward. You must know how tiring it is too, but I'm really really struggling now after all this time. 😪

Thanks so much 🙏
I have spoken to ds tonight and said why don't we get in contact with a pcso and he got so upset as he can't bare the thought of when they handcuff him and I have to see that happen :-( 😞 it's so irrational....

Another question. Have you ever come across this type of ocd/anxiety in the police. Is crime ocd something you're taught about/familiar with?

Can you see if your force has a school liaison officer? Mine does and they may be able to discuss this with him. That or as another suggested a PCSO.

As for police officers not having a clue with matters such as these, that's a sweeping generalisation. Not only do they spend the majority of their time dealing mental health calls, they may also have personal experience or god forbid...empathy!

I really do think it's the way forward, thank you.

We do have some mental health training in the police as we deal with a lot of MH crisis. I would advise not telling him about a PCSO coming around, just let them turn up so he can’t panic himself! Maybe ask if the PCSO can call you, have a good chat about everything so they are aware of the issues and how it manifests, and then arrange a time for them to come around.
PCSO’s are a fabulous resource, specifically for reassurance and visibility in the community, this fits their reassurance remit perfectly.
He needs to be listened to and taken seriously but then reassured that he has done nothing wrong x

Another voice for sertraline here. My brother has OCD with intrusive thoughts and it's been hell for him, and then he started to understand his condition and he's a lot better now.

You might want to look into exposure therapy too. It's very helpful for OCD.

Also to add, despite the press, police officers are generally an empathetic bunch, or at least the ones I work with. We all have our own life experiences and issues that we have dealt with along the way and so I think you will find them a help to you and your son. It may also help to ‘humanise’ the police a little and no be so fearful of authority, that sounds like it’s part of his worry x

Hey op
I'm a police officer and my friends son is exactly like your boy - he was convinced because he once fired a bib gun he was goi g to be arrested.

Would it help you or him if I spoke to him ?

I've been on mn a long long time and I've never made a secret of the fact I'm a cop .

If it would help I'm happy to message him email or chat .