School has suggested my son (5) may be autistic

[MalcolmTalcolm]

Hi, I'm new to the group, and have just been informed by my son's head that she thinks he may be autistic. Her reasoning for this is that...

1. He doesn't like PE
2. He seems miserable at school
3. He likes playing with one person a lot

We have not noticed anything at home, none of the usual characteristics of autism, and this has come completely out of the blue. Son is 5yo and has been at the school through nursery/reception and is now two months into year 1. We have been recommended to contact our GP regarding an assessment, which we are doing. The head teacher is Autistic herself and is standing in for the normal SENCo person who is on maternity leave. I am wondering if anyone else has had this sort of news just dropped on them out of the blue, and can maybe give us some advice?

Thank you

Had the same thing albeit my DS was a little bit older (8yo) . Head teacher suggested he had ASD and recommended we go to our GP for assement. As i only have 1 child i hadn't really noticed anything other than him being a little quirky. He was assessed and ASD was confirmed as borderline (if that's a thing) and the doctor told me he was going to give the diagnoses as our son was borderline and he thought it would help explain his behaviour to school as he got older.

We had to wait about 7 months for the assement, but everything went smoothly and has really helped us understand DS and his behaviours. all of this was totally out of the blue, but have faith they are trying to help and getting him diagnosed early will really help understand his educational needs and will force the school in to supporting him.

Good luck x

Is your DS your first or your only? There may be a few subtle traits that do t seem as pronounced to you because you have nothing to compare it with. I'm a pretty excellent autism spotter, but I would only tell somebody if they asked. I think the HT was probably correct to flag to you because they sound like they want to support your son.

Lots of people don't actually know what autism looks like, and it's actually very hard to say definitively because every person has a slightly different autistic profile. I'd definitely recommend reading up on autism and maybe following autistic accounts on Instagram.

Thank you. I understand they are trying to help, my issue is that as parents we haven't noticed anything ( I have worked with children who are autistic) I just think that the reasons we have been given are bizarre.At home he is just a 5yo. no issues whatsoever. This happened yesterday, and I am now full of guilt thinking I may have missed something. I'm an older dad (50) so this is all new to me, and nothing the school have said relates to how I (and his mum) see him.What worries me is, that before anything else the word 'autism' was dropped, nothing about thinking he may need extra help, or may be dyslexic/ADHD, etc. just straight in with autism.

As an older dad did you know the chances of your child being autistic are significantly higher? It's true.

www.spectrumnews.org/news/link-parental-age-autism-explained/

Autistic people can present in many different ways. Just having worked with some autistic people in the past doesn't mean that you could spot the signs in your child.
I actually think it's amazing that a teacher has flagged this up because many people are left fighting for years for school to be accepting.

Anyway, it's just an assessment - you don't know either way at the moment.

Thank you. Again my point is that at home , and everywhere else, he displays none of the classic signs.I'm baffled as to why the three points in my first post could point to autism. But, as you say, I'm no expert. He shows absolutely none of the classic signs. I'm not bothered if he is, i'm just confused.

I was constantly being told my youngest son probably had ADHD at primary school. No assessments ever showed anything up. He is very lively and extrovert but now he's in year 7 no-one has mentioned anything. Please don't feel guilty, you haven't done anything wrong. Just take it step at a time and see what transpires. He's still very young.

Obviously I have no idea about your child OP, but it is definitely possible to be autistic but only show extremely subtle signs of it at age 5

Which, by the way, is something I didn’t realise before my dc was diagnosed

Thanks for recommending a bullshit source.
neuroclastic.com/spectrum-fake-news/

Maybd now the info has had a chance to sink in, you could arrange a follow up and ask for a bit more information about the issues the head raised and how they are going to support him.

Reading between the lines, PE can be difficult for children with asd as it can feel out of routine, and if there are sensory issues it can make changing in and out of uniform hard, plus the games can be challenging themselves (either wanting rules followed exactly or wanting their own rules) or it can just indicate he doesnt like PE!

Being miserable at school could indicate all sorts but, most children do look quite engaged an happy at 5. So its worth investigating why he doesnt like it - is it loud and busy, is he keeping up, is he anxious about expectations.

One friend could indicate that he finds social interaction in groups difficult and this is an asd thing, but also could be something else.

Try not to worry. Just some initial investigations and suppprt to help him feel a bit happier at school and help him make more friends will be good.

Well not liking PE and being miserable at school is pretty common in my experience and having a best friend is also common. Maybe they have seen something but the explanation is odd.

I had this dropped on me by my dc8's school.
At 5 I don't think anyone would have been able to tell with my dc. By 8 there were signs but to me they were just things I was hoping they would grow out of... Then school dropped their view in.
I was shocked, was not on my radar at all.
However, I was grateful they cared and noticed, came to realise those things I was hoping they would grow out of was actually how they are wired (bad listener, easily distracted amongst others) then time went by, dc, now 10 was assessed and neuro diverse was the outcome at the time, with possibly autistic to follow in later checks, depending on how things go as they mature.
So, I'd say, keep a dialogue going with the school. Be open minded, but those reasons are odd so also be sceptical.
If he is understood and supported where he is there is no rush to check this out. If you think its worth exploring get him down for an assessment, you want it before secondary ideally and it takes time. An assessment might rule autism out.

He has no routine issues. He has no sensory issues, he doesn't struggle to follow rules, noise is no issue.. He has no problems jumping all over the place at home (we do star jumps and other stuff together) NOTHING has ever made us worry about his development.I'm now watching him like a hawk, and looking for anything out of the ordinary, and he's going to start noticing, and I can't see that helping. Also, school's get 5k for every SEN kid they have, and in this climate, that's a massive red flag to me.

We had a similar experience - on our DC1’s first parents evening at his first primary school, his teacher bluntly told me and DH that they believed that DC1’s development was not normal, and they strongly advised us to go to our GP and seek an assessment.

Although unlike your headteacher, DC1’s teacher refused to name any specific conditions. They said that they weren’t qualified to make a diagnosis but that we should take DC1 to see someone who was qualified to make a diagnosis.

It was a bit of a shock at the time.
But we went and got a referral from the GP, and DC1 was subsequently assessed and diagnosed with ASD.

One thing that the doctor told us when they were doing the assessments was, that even if they concluded DC1 didn’t have anything to be diagnosed with, the assessment process can still be useful in identifying and highlighting areas where children may need a bit of extra support, which can be useful for families.

The head hasn't articulated the indications she's seeing well.
Either what she's said is accurate but tons of kids would be in this camp, or those are the headlines and she's missing out the full picture. But if she's autistic herself maybe communicating this kind of stuff isn't her strong point.

School doesn't get an extra £5k because a child is diagnosed - they have to fund the first £6k of any support needed from their own budget.

An autism diagnosis doesn't automatically mean a child needs or gets any additional support.

Neurodivergent people are usually pretty good at spotting others. I'd make an appt with the GP and take it from there

That's quite an aggressive reply @MalcolmTalcolm - that was just reporting on the studies.

www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/the-link-between-autism-and-older-parents-is-clear-but-the-why-is-not/2017/12/15/dbe03284-dc62-11e7-b859-fb0995360725_story.html

It's been clinically proven. But if you want to swear at me again be my guest.

Schools don't get £5k for every SEN kid. Where on earth did you get that from?

Is that exactly what they said or are you paraphrasing? DS hated PE, concentrated on one friend mostly but really enjoyed school as he was very bright. I didn't notice anything strange about his behaviour that couldn't be put down to his age, being a boy, an only child etc. I also trained as a teacher and worked in SN schools. Still he was diagnosed just before secondary school with ASD and dyspraxia.

The teacher that picked up on it just had an inkling and couldn't really explain what it was. Might be that the Head is the same, his behaviour is just a bit different to the NT kids but she's trying to give you some concrete things. It might not become obvious until he gets nearer secondary school age. Being autistic herself she's probably worth listening to on this, he won't get diagnosed if he doesn't have it so I'm not sure what you're so worried about.

If you read it properly, I wasn't swearing at you, I was swearing at the link you shared.

I doubt those are the only reasons they suspect ASD. School staff can often spot it a mile off, so I’d go for the assessment with an open mind.

OP, you seem to think that the school will have some financial advantage if your child is SEN. This is not correct. The head is trying to help your family.

I'm not here to pick arguments with you @MalcolmTalcolm - by all means ignore the Headteacher and do what you want.