School has suggested my son (5) may be autistic

[MalcolmTalcolm]

Hi, I'm new to the group, and have just been informed by my son's head that she thinks he may be autistic. Her reasoning for this is that...

1. He doesn't like PE
2. He seems miserable at school
3. He likes playing with one person a lot

We have not noticed anything at home, none of the usual characteristics of autism, and this has come completely out of the blue. Son is 5yo and has been at the school through nursery/reception and is now two months into year 1. We have been recommended to contact our GP regarding an assessment, which we are doing. The head teacher is Autistic herself and is standing in for the normal SENCo person who is on maternity leave. I am wondering if anyone else has had this sort of news just dropped on them out of the blue, and can maybe give us some advice?

Thank you

Also, school's get 5k for every SEN kid they have, and in this climate, that's a massive red flag to me.

You have completely misunderstood this.

I have to agree with pps who have said that dc can respond very differently at home, from at school, and that often the home environment has subtly adjusted over time to accommodate differences, which isn't necessarily the case in a busy classroom, and particularly when they move to the hall.

I also think you have had an excellent suggestion from a pp to make an appt with the class teacher (or some combination of the HT / SENCo / Class teacher) and say - this has all come a bit out of the blue, so can you have a meeting to talk in a little more depth about the signs they are seeing an to get some examples of things that have flagged this up to the school staff. You will need these when you go to your GP, as otherwise the GP won't be able to make a referral if you go in and say "We don't think there is anything wrong but school told us to get an assessment".

The staff have nothing whatsoever to gain from raising an issue that isn't there with you. They are talking with you to help get some support in place for your dc. IF you have reported back accurately without your own perceptions clouding it, then it seems the HT didn't do a very good job of explaining what the issue are, and it is very reasonable to go and ask for more information.

I also think you have had an excellent suggestion from a pp to make an appt with the class teacher (or some combination of the HT / SENCo / Class teacher) and say - this has all come a bit out of the blue, so can you have a meeting to talk in a little more depth about the signs they are seeing an to get some examples of things that have flagged this up to the school staff. You will need these when you go to your GP, as otherwise the GP won't be able to make a referral if you go in and say "We don't think there is anything wrong but school told us to get an assessment".

This is an excellent point.
In our case, the teacher who’d advised us to get DC1 assessed wrote a letter for our GP that basically said they felt DC1 would benefit from an assessment and included some observations from school that backed that statement up.
This was very helpful when it came to getting DC1 referred for an assessment.

If you truly are a school governor Malcolm then I recommend you have a conversation with your SENCo and your bursar, because you really do not understand the funding. Read the above post.

Maybe just take a wait and watch approach, if that works better for you right now.

FWIW, my background is working in an autism service and have been convinced that our now 7 year old has autism since he was a toddler. For several years DH gently reminded me that I see autistic traits everywhere because of my job. When DS started school nobody said anything, despite him having few friends and spending most of the day refusing to talk. Now, aged 7, school and DH are completely in agreement. The previously subtle signs are far more obvious now, partly because they are less age appropriate as he gets bigger, and partly because he is getting more frustrated and being put in more and more situations he struggles with (e.g. school activities that involve going to new places an mixing with new children etc.).

So my point really, is that sometime it's very subtle when they are small.

Try not to be angry with the messenger. As parents you are used to your ds and may not see what others who are more objective see. As a teacher and a parent of two kids with asd, I have met numerous children who may have asd whose parents have never considered that they may be on the spectrum. If your ds is not autistic then he won't be given a diagnosis.