Nearly 6 year old still head banging and humming to get to sleep.

[MichB86]

Hi, my almost 6 year old little boy is still banging his head into his pillow and humming (sometimes quiet loudly) in order to sooth himself to sleep. He has done this since he was a baby. I’ve read though that it normally stops by about age 3. I’ve asked him why he does it and he says it makes his head feel nice and relaxed. He doesn’t do this behaviour at any other time than to get to sleep. I know it can be connected with autism if done at other times to. He does every now and then stim if he’s really excited about something hand flaps a bit and jumps but this is getting less and less. His communication is great, forms strong relationships and is incredibly imaginative in his play so I don’t think it is autism but I do think he is a very anxious child. Basically what I’d like to know is has anyone else’s child done things like the head banging and humming to soothe to sleep, past the age of 5 and if so when or if it eventually stopped? I’m worried if it continues about things like sleep overs or if he still does it as an adult. I’ve asked him to try and stop but he says he can’t. Hes sharing a room with his younger brother now and it is getting a little frustrating.

Wow so much of this sounds like my DS @Hangonmumof4 and @MichB86 . He’s 4.5. Bangs his head into the mattress and sort of chants/moans sometimes too. More when he’s unsettled, so if he was ill or when he had head lice recently.

He’s so highly emotional, both excitement/joy and frustration/anger/sadness. He is starting reception in September but has been fine at nursery, he has friends etc and seems to do well socially, although I would say he’s shy/slow to warm up at first. He’s still really shy with new adults but relaxes much quicker these days.

He hates the rain though! And is so fussy with clothes but I haven’t been able to pin it down to a fabric or anything, he just likes certain items of clothing and not others, without even touching them he’ll refuse so I’m not convinced it’s texture related.

Yep the feeling every emotion really strongly is definitely true here. Regarding the clothes we’ve gone through fazes of having to take his socks on and off several times before leaving the house as they had bumps in them but never really any issues with clothing as such. Sometimes asks for labels to be removed. My son seemed to absolutely thrive in nursery and reception and seemed quite happy in year 1 but then they mixed the classes up and he was as moved away from him 2 best friends and we’ve had a pretty tough year. He’s really struggled to find his place.

ihavechangedmyname54321 - yes it all does sound very familiar! My daughter can't really contain her emotions - she is 10/10 excited or frustrated/sad/insert emotion. When I talked to our doctor he said most children on the spectrum struggle with showing playful emotions and joking around and are generally more serious and less social, they didnt think she showed those signs when we asked if she might need assessing... but she is also very anxious with anything new until she is comfortable and then becomes quite outgoing.

We have also had the socks thing too and fussiness with certain fabrics.

Sorry to hear your son has struggled this year at school. DD is mostly struggling with her emotions and school work but seems to be good with friendships at the moment. I would love to know how to help her but seem to hit a brick wall everytime. The bed time head banging and chanting is also worse when shes unsettled. X

MichB86
Thanks for your reply x That's really interesting about the private referral. It's what I'm scared of tbh - that they will diagnose something based on a short interaction and I would much prefer to meet with someone in person as I have so many questions about it all. We are in NZ and it's impossible to get a referral unless the child is really showing strong signs of being on the spectrum. Our GP did approach the school but they submitted a report saying that DD was very "sweet" and made good friendships and their only concerns were around her inability to understand instructions and cotton on to new tasks without one on one instructions from a teacher. I also attended a school trip and noticed she does struggle very much to pay attention in a group, however because she isn't disruptive or naughty it doesn't really stand out. Based on the school report we were told we couldn't get a referral! Her reading, writing and maths are all progressing each reporting period but are behind where other kids her age are at.

It's interesting that your son was a good and early talker. My daughter was definitely delayed in talking, only really started just before 2yo (mostly single words). Now she won't stop lol.

Does your son have any "obsessions". Dd will draw the same scene from a movie over and over again and will act it out anywhere she can. So it did make me wonder if it was the desire for 'sameness' that is a sign of ASD...However she doesn't get upset if anything is changed or the routine is different...very perplexing!

My almost 9 year old son still head bangs. Started at maybe 1 yr old and has lessened over the years but still does it to soothe himself to sleep. He doesn’t hum. We do have a diagnosis for anxiety from a psychologist when we were testing him for dyslexia due to his low reading fluency and general reading struggles. Dyslexia was inconclusive as he’s been attending mandarin immersion school up until a few months ago so the psychologist wasn’t able to determine dyslexia vs lack of instruction. I would think the psych would have mentioned autism if that was a concern so I don’t think it’s that. We give him 2 mg of melatonin at night and that seems to help until the morning (and sometimes at night) when he wakes up but wants to go back to sleep.

Anxiety does seem to be a common thread from the posts I’ve read. How do you treat anxiety? Should he see a psychologist regularly? I should have asked when we got the diagnosis but was primarily focused on dyslexia at the time. Now the psych won’t respond to my emails and so I’m looking for another psychologist going forward.

So glad I found this forum as there is so little information about this regarding older kids. Any thoughts or advice is welcome!

My little guy is over 4.5 now and still doing it. He’s a very very anxious little soul! Very clingy and takes a while to warm up in new situations, but he gets stuck in eventually. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is autistic as he’s very untrusting of others and doesn’t have many close bonds outside of his immediate family, and my older child is neurodivergent, but at the same time he’s so not autistic in many many ways! So really hard to call.

Hi is your son still doing this?? My daughter is 9 and still banging her head! She’s been doing it since she was a few months old. Took her to a neurologist and he said it was just a habit she formed and would grow out of but here we are 9 years later. Did you find a solution?

@Nique89 how is your daughter otherwise? I’m not the original poster but my DS is 4.5 and still banging his head!

Out of all of my children she is the only one behind in school she’s in 4th grade but on second grade level. They tested her in school for learning disorders but they didn’t find anything. I was looking into signs of autism for girls and she has a lot of them. Not sure how I would go about getting her checked for that?!

Hi, yeah my son is still head banging himself to sleep and he’s approaching 8 now. We are on the 2 year waiting list for adhd assessment and have an upcoming appointment for a dyspraxia assessment. The school have no concerns he’s were he needs to be academically and they say he’s one of the more mature boys and has friends. They just say he’s a bit of a chatterbox and loud. At home though while not bouncing around the room or displaying obvious signs of ADHD he is never actually still he shakes and pulls faces when he’s playing his iPad or drawing and makes random noises and he fidgets constantly. He feels emotions very strongly from happiness to frustration and he’s mind works at a million miles an hour he’s never not thinking/ worrying about something. He also struggles to be in the moment we can be doing something fun like day out at a theme park and he will be stressing about when we are going to get to do it again instead of just enjoying it while he’s actually doing it. My husband says he reminds him very much of himself just a more extreme version and he was diagnosed with OCD as a teen and has battled with depression throughout his life, which makes me worry even more for my son x

Nique89 my daughter is similarly behind in terms of schooling - We are just waiting on a report regarding potential learning disabilities. Do you mind me asking what other signs your daughter shows regarding the autism spectrum? Most people I've talked to have boys on the spectrum and I've been told the signs can be quite different in girls. .I'm still trying to grapple with it and whether the signs are there or not. The many doctors visits we have made have been pointless - I suspect with girls the signs are more subtle.

Your son sounds lovely @MichB86 , it’s great that he’s well behaved in school. I do have another child with ADHD (not my head banger!) and he has struggled in school on and off, although he’s doing well academically. We are going to try medication for him soon as my Dp also has ADHD and is medicated, and it’s been great for him.

Could your DH’s OCD actually be ADHD? It wasn’t really a thing for adults to have it until recently, my DH is more inattentive type so he was never that stereotypical naughty boy in school either, in fact he was very shy.

@ihavechangedmyname54321 its funny you say that my husband actually paid for a private assessment recently and came back as ADHD potentially bipolar but he has tendency to question these things as he’s spent 25 years believing one thing but I think he’s starting to maybe think it’s possible as he’s very up and down and it takes very little to knock him. His mind also works constantly in overdrive.

Thank you he is a lovely little boy who cares deeply about people he’s also super sensitive and takes any criticism to heart.

I think hearing how my husband felt as a teen and young adult and seeing how he still struggles now to be happy. It really does seem like history repeating its self.

Hi I have a girl who will be 7 in March still does the exact same thing head banging and humming to get to sleep . No other issues really , very well behaved . Does your sim still do this or did you find out more ?

My son does still do this, we have moved house this year so we don’t hear him as much, however, it is still a concern, especially with sleep over requests and overnight school trips in the coming years.

I am now looking to get a camera like a baby monitor to watch how much it is still happening in the night or whether he is slowing growing out of it then go forward with seeing what options we have as doctors want to actually see what it is and the patterns.
When looking into hypnotherapy, hypnotherapist I reached out to did not work with this age group so I hit a dead end there so far.

But he has no other issues or it hasn't affected his life in anyway ?

Hi, yeah he’s still doing it. The intensity definitely seems to be connected to his anxiety levels. He’s still very anxious about pretty much everything. We are currently also having physical therapy sessions at the hospital as my son is hitting academic targets but he struggles with fine and gross motor skills. Everything is pointing towards dyspraxia but not the reading or communication side of things x

With my son, he has no other issues and it does not effect his every day life.

Hey, I know this post is old but I've come across it because I was searching for answers as I am 29 and I still do this. I actually have an MRI booked to see if I've caused any damage to my brain as I've been doing it for so long.

I understand your child's frustrations. I was always told I would grow out of it, yet here we are 😄

I remember doing various things when I was a child, like rocking back and forward, banging my back on the wall, rocking side to side sitting down and standing up. With time and getting to know my dad's side of the family, they all have sleep problems so I think this is a mix of anxiety and sleep problems.

Still to this day, if I wake up in the middle of the night, I know I have work, so I can't be awake and I will do that until I fall asleep. We basically knock ourselves out.

It hasn't caused me any social issues, it hasn't affected my intelligence or the ability to empathise or be up to social standards and more, so I wouldn't worry too much. But, if you can help him in any way to stop, It will help him in the long run. I was always told never to tell anyone because people would think I'm crazy and the police would take me away 😂 so I'm now almost 30 looking for answers.

My daughter who does this every night has now been diagnosed with ADHD. The psychologist said the head banging is part of the condition for some. Increasing her intake of omega 3 and reducing sugar to as little as possible (plus taking a non stimulant medication) has improved things.

My DS is now 5.5 and still doing this! It’s not every night, in fact he will go long stretches of weeks without doing it. But then if he’s a bit poorly or over tired we will hear him do it in the middle of the night, he’s not awake doing it though, he no longer does it at the beginning of the night to go to sleep.

I think my DS is surely ND, his older sibling is.

Hi,

My son is still doing this every night, intensity is probably more than a couple of years ago. His anxiety levels are also ever increasing and he’s almost adopted some OCD traits like I have to pinky promise the smallest of things like what time bed time is and physically pinky promise with my fingers then double pinky promise, he’s also started to ask questions repeatedly such as if I say we are going swimming Saturday he will ask me repeatedly are we going swimming Saturday one after the other like half a dozen times and then pinky promise then he might stop for a while but then start again a few hours later. He is on the pathway for either autism or ADHD but it’s hard to separate that from what is anxiety. He’s really sociable and can express he thoughts and feelings really well and has always been eager to communicate from a young age he was my happiest smilest baby the one trying to get peoples attention when sat in the trolley so they would speak to him 🤷🏼‍♀️

My younger son is a teeth grinder at night so maybe sleep issues run in the family. I saw someone about night terrors when I was little but no actual behaviours at night.

@Hangonmumof4 What dosage of omega 3 are you giving?

@MichB86 the anxiety and repeated questions sounds just like our daughter. When she started taking atomoxetine (a non stimulant for adhd) the anxiety you described almost completely disappeared. We had had 4 years of it! So was like a god send. She has had no side effects either. The head banging every night and restlessness was still present so we saw a naturopath. We have increased her protein, reduced sugar intake to as little as possible and started 2.5 ml of high grade fish oil (liquid - has 4.6g per 5ml) . Since starting this her concentration is better and her thoughts and conversation more fluid. She's also been sleeping better 😴 still wants to bang her head but not for as long and she's staying asleep during the night too.

@Hangonmumof4 Thank you that’s really helpful. How old is your Daughter? I’ve always thought I’d be completely against medicating him in anyway but if it can help calm his mind a little I’m starting to think I would be open to it as must be exhausting for him.