Nearly 6 year old still head banging and humming to get to sleep.

[MichB86]

Hi, my almost 6 year old little boy is still banging his head into his pillow and humming (sometimes quiet loudly) in order to sooth himself to sleep. He has done this since he was a baby. I’ve read though that it normally stops by about age 3. I’ve asked him why he does it and he says it makes his head feel nice and relaxed. He doesn’t do this behaviour at any other time than to get to sleep. I know it can be connected with autism if done at other times to. He does every now and then stim if he’s really excited about something hand flaps a bit and jumps but this is getting less and less. His communication is great, forms strong relationships and is incredibly imaginative in his play so I don’t think it is autism but I do think he is a very anxious child. Basically what I’d like to know is has anyone else’s child done things like the head banging and humming to soothe to sleep, past the age of 5 and if so when or if it eventually stopped? I’m worried if it continues about things like sleep overs or if he still does it as an adult. I’ve asked him to try and stop but he says he can’t. Hes sharing a room with his younger brother now and it is getting a little frustrating.

I used to do this on my headboard, it became ingrained so my parents took the headboard away.

I was about 8 when I stopped and in my 50's now but still remember how soothing it was.

I used to do it at about the pace of a heartbeat so wonder if there's any beat based white noise he could play as a substitute.

My Dd couldn't sleep without music until about 15.

We are both undiagnosed but likely on the spectrum somewhere.

I do know it really upset my parents, but it was incredibly comforting and very hard to stop.

I headbanged for years I'm 31 now perfectly fine , mine was to relax I think x

In the nicest possible way I’m so glad there’s a few head bangers out there for a while it seemed it was just my son.

The frequency he does it is definitely becoming less and he no longer has to do it to initially fall asleep just sometimes when he wakes in the night.

so who knows he may magically stop before Christmas 🙂 and if not at least we know there’s nothing to worry about.

Hello, does your son still do this? My son is 6 and a half and he does this also. We have been to the doctors and they were referring us for a sleep clinic but in the end they have said we just have to wait till he outgrows it as he is developing as expected and a healthy, happy confident boy.
The humming and banging disturbs us multiple times every night it is very loud, he likes to do it to go to sleep but we can also get him to sleep without him doing it, however, in the night generally when in a light sleep he does it - it is him self soothing.
I am also worried as friends are wanting to have sleepovers and they have a school camp in the next couple of years.

Hi, yes he’s just turned 7 and he is still doing it. It seemed to be getting less and less over the summer but in the last few months it’s really increased again. This all coincides with an increase in his anxiety levels which are currently going through the roof and he has been referred through healthy families for a block of counselling sessions to help with this.

We can also get him to go to sleep without doing it although it almost seems like a physical strain for him to not but as soon as he slightly stirs in the night he does it and it’s so loud. We’ve had move his little brother out of his room as he was constantly being woken up.

Happy to know it’s not just us 😊

I’m happy to know it’s not just us either as I started googling and researching this about 4 or more years ago and there was hardly any information and no one had talked about a similar experience. Our son seems to have increased since being back at school too. I don’t know if he experiences anxiety in all honestly, he worries a bit at times and I worry about him worrying 😂 but it doesn’t seem to be at a concerning level - I’ll definitely keep a watch on this though. Our younger daughter use to share a room with him also but we had to move her out too.
My husband and I have talked about sleep hypnosis and might look into whether this could help as the doctors advised it was a sleep disorder much like sleep walking/talking/restless leg syndrome. I hope the counselling helps with his sleep. X

Thank you 😊

It does seem to be quite rare after the age of 3 and I’ve found very little information is available.

A thread I read a couple of years ago a family ended up using a low dose of sedative (advised by GP) on their teen who was still doing it but this isn’t really a route I feel comfortable going down.

Do come back and let me know if you have any luck with the hypnosis.

Hopefully they both grow out of it sooner rather than later so we can all get some sleep 😊

My almost 4 year old DS is still doing this too. He bangs his head into his pillow, or placed his hands under his head on top of the pillow, and bangs onto those. All the while still doing the funny moaning/humming. It’s probably not every night, or doesn’t disturb us every night anyway. But it’s most nights!

I do worry because my older child is on the ASD pathway (although never did anything like this!). But I suppose whatever will be will be.

I’ll definitely let you know about the hypnosis if we do try this 😊
Another thing that might be of interest is our sleep doctor had blood tests done just recently and found our son to be low in iron, which is common in children apparently but especially children with sleep disorders. He has been taking a supplement 3 times a day for about 3 weeks now and the last 2 nights (hope I don’t jinx this!) I haven’t heard him till about 6ish in the morning. We’d usually hear him a number of times through the night.
We’ve also put on bedtime music at bedtime again and he seems to drift off to this without banging. It has only been two nights but time will tell if it’s a breakthrough 🤞

Thats interesting I will see if the doctor will check his levels. I have contemplated putting on a audio book for him at night as he has huge difficulty switching his brain off so maybe something to focus on would help.

I can hear the humming coming from his room now as I’m typing 🙈

Out of interest has any of this had any effect on your son being dry at night. Even though our son has been reliably dry during the day from 2 and half we’ve had real issues with him being dry at night and I’m wondering if the two could have any connection?

Trying an audiobook is a good idea, I have to listen to something to go to sleep a lot of the time. I listen to familiar stories so it's not too stimulating.

I'd also try and get him assessed because if he is ND and it's not having a huge affect now it might later. If he doesn't then he doesn't but I'd rather get out in front of it than be trying to get it done in hard times. Says she who's wheels have fallen off a bit and is now pursuing assesment for herself as an adult which is taking ages and has been miserable.

My brother used to do this but he sort of went nah nah nah nah (not really like a police car but a sort of rhythmic noise) as he rocked from side to side in his bed from when he was quite young to at least a teenager (no idea if he did it as a baby though)

He sheared the leg off his bed he was doing it so much so then his bed didn't have any legs on it but he was a teenager by this point so about 6' tall

He doesn't have autism btw

He is now early 50s and married so don't have any idea when it stopped but presumably he didn't do it when he was at University meeting partners etc iyswim

He is a very successful businessman so don't think it harmed him

Hope you get some answers for your children though

I used to do this. My mum took me to the docs who said I would grow out of it. And I did. A pp mentioned bed wetting - I used to do that too which was another thing I grew out of.

I was also a very fussy eater - never grew out of that one. No clue about autism but I’m a generally ok ish adult 🤪
Don’t worry too much.

No effect on him being dry at night I’m afraid. Both my children have been dry at night thank fully since potty training. I do have friends whose children are not dry at night though. One used a mat which set off an alarm I believe? That was really effective and worked for them.

No effect on my DS being dry at night either, he has been dry since about 3.5.

Have to admit I’m wondering if I should start an ASD referral now seeing as he is still doing this at almost 4 and my older DS is on the pathway. I don’t have any other major concerns but then I didn’t with my older DS until he was school age!

My son does this too. He'll be 6 in May. More rocking than head banging these days, but by rocking I mean real 180 side to side, and humming too. I do think he's doing it a little less as time goes on. I'm not worried about it to be honest. Maybe I would be if I had some other concerns but I don't have any, so I assume he'll gradually grow out of it.

I think night time dryness is controlled by hormones isn't it, and isn't considered to be a concern until age 7. I have a friend whose older son now has medical help, tablets I assume but not sure.

Ds's social issues didn't really become apparent until around secondary school age - the gap suddenly widened and after always having a best friend and friends to play with he became quite socially isolated.
It wouldn't surprise me at all if your ds had ASD but isn't diagnosed until much later (as my ds was).

I would make a list of every quirk and possible indicator (including the ones for dyspraxia as ds was diagnosed with that at the same time) and add to it as things come up. It amazing how much you forget and will be useful if he is assessed when he gets older.

@Choconut He is about to start having some sessions with someone through Healthy Families regarding his anxiety, so it is something I’m definitely going to bring up. My husband was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 11 and he says he started out displaying signs of severe anxiety and had attachment issues just the same as DS. I’m going in with an open mind. I just want him to be happier in his own skin as he just obsessively worry’s about the smallest things, like the car going in for a service he worries we won’t get it back or if it rains heavily at school I won’t come and pick him up. He’s terrified of being abandoned to the point where he won’t sit in the car while I put petrol in or stay in the house while I fetch something from the car that’s parked on the drive. He also has to check who has the car keys while we are out and won’t be separated from that person. Socially he doesn’t currently have any issues makes friends quickly even if we are just at the park for five minutes, he is probably over sensitive to things like tone of voice or expressions as he takes it to heart and I have to reassure him I’m not cross or sad I’m just distracted or in a rush.

How is your son doing at secondary school now? I do worry about DS I’m secondary school as it seems like such a harsh environment I can’t imagine him in it.

Good see lots of other head bangers emerging 😬😂 x

My Daughter does this. She has since a baby and is now almost 7. She does it on her mattress for about 30 mins at a time. We have not been able to get a diagnosis for her for anything and were always told she would grow out of it by 5 yo. She says she feels compelled to do it and can't stop or it feels unpleasant (if she refrains). It seems to relax her and release a built up sensory discomfort or something. She also hums or chants at the same time. Socially she is very animated and has the most joyful personality of my 4 children, however she also overthinks and likes constant reassurance that she will never be left behind anywhere and always needs to know where mum and dad are at all times. At school she doesn't have social anxieties but does worry a lot about tasks and instructions and is falling behind in most subjects. We have been to the doctor many times but they have not come up with anything. We are currently trying to get in to see a psychologist. X

hi, this sounds very much like my son. We have started the autism pathway and he’s currently having sessions to help with his anxiety. I’m not convinced he has autism and just like your daughter his very animated, loving and joyful. He’s currently hitting targets at school but sometimes finds it hard to grasp new things. I’m finding the older he gets he is starting to become more withdrawn and seems to be showing more frustration with how he feels about things.

Thanks for that. How are you going with the autism path? Have you found someone who can do an assessment? We have seen 3 different GPs and all have said she doesn't have the normal indicators for ASD so won't make a referral for assessment. However I'm also finding my daughter gets immensely frustrated in the moment when something doesn't go her way. However she is very imaginative, extremely affectionate, great eye contact and can talk the hind leg off a donkey. But she is struggling to grasp new ideas and instructions. Her teacher is starting to simplify things for her in the classroom and has expressed concerns about her ability to understand tasks. We have recently started her on melatonin 2 x per week and I am finding on those nights she does sleep better and reduces her headbanging as she nods off a lot earlier. Did you notice any other signs when your son was a baby? I noticed with my daughter that she didn't babble and coo as much as my others. She also hit her milestones later - walked at 15 months and didn't talk much until turned 2. Be great to keep in touch x

Hi, we have done a self referral as advised by Healthy Families (UK) as we weren’t really getting anywhere with the GP. We are at the very beginning so just filling out the getting to know you paperwork and the school fill out there bit (2 year wait to get assessed) Like you I’m not convinced as he sounds very much like your daughter and doesn’t show the main symptoms, he almost seems hyper aware of emotions and peoples feelings. The teachers only comments have been that he struggles to pay attention sometimes when being given instructions but they don’t seem overly concerned. He has a few sensory issues, always seems quite tense in the shower and doesn’t like the feel of the rain on his bare skin ( gets really upset saying it itches) he won’t go to the school disco as he says it’s to loud but is perfectly happy at a really loud football match. He also worries quite a lot about his possessions getting lost or broken and has started to struggle to share. He will also stims when he’s excited (jumps up and down on the spot) and his whole body goes tense and he shakes when he’s playing games on his pad sometimes. I went with him on a school trip recently and noticed the whole time he was sat listening he was rocking back and fourth. He was on the late side for walking as a baby 15 months and didn’t actually crawl till he was one but he was my most babbly and an early talker. I know you can have sensory processing disorders without actually having autism which is what I’m leaning towards but then other times when he’s having a meltdown over something seemingly trivial I think he might. X

We have considered going private but my step son has recently had a diagnosis of ADHD after going private and they diagnosed him and prescribed medication after an hour and a half video call and it just doesn’t seem right x