Nearly 6 year old still head banging and humming to get to sleep.

[MichB86]

Hi, my almost 6 year old little boy is still banging his head into his pillow and humming (sometimes quiet loudly) in order to sooth himself to sleep. He has done this since he was a baby. I’ve read though that it normally stops by about age 3. I’ve asked him why he does it and he says it makes his head feel nice and relaxed. He doesn’t do this behaviour at any other time than to get to sleep. I know it can be connected with autism if done at other times to. He does every now and then stim if he’s really excited about something hand flaps a bit and jumps but this is getting less and less. His communication is great, forms strong relationships and is incredibly imaginative in his play so I don’t think it is autism but I do think he is a very anxious child. Basically what I’d like to know is has anyone else’s child done things like the head banging and humming to soothe to sleep, past the age of 5 and if so when or if it eventually stopped? I’m worried if it continues about things like sleep overs or if he still does it as an adult. I’ve asked him to try and stop but he says he can’t. Hes sharing a room with his younger brother now and it is getting a little frustrating.

Anyone?

No advice but have you looked into sensory processing disorders? You mention the stimming. Sensory processing /integration issues are often seen in kids with autism so people tend to think that these sensory behaviours = autism but there is now a lot of evidence to suggest that they are separate and you can often have one without the other.

Yeah I have considered that before as he shows a few red flags such as covering his ears at the fireworks and if there is the slightest bump in his sock we have to take his shoes on and off until it’s gone but these are only minor things that have no impact on his life in general the head banging at night is the one thing that stands out. My husband thinks he will just grow out of it but I’m not so sure.

He’s so loud (humming) that I can hear him from my room, it must be effecting his sleep and probably his little brothers.

I have just stumbled across this!
I did the same thing as a child.
My mum took me to drs to try and get me to stop several times and they all said the same thing that it was a habit and I'd grow out off it.
And I did eventually, but I was in my 20s!
I used to do it so bad that my head had a bruise on it right in the centre.
I still remember the feeling off doing it and the noises I used to make when I think about it it's definitely comforting.
I think I just had to break the cycle and that was getting into relationship and staying at boyfriends houses.
It did take a while to completely stop as I would also sometimes do it in my sleep.
I hope your son stops soon as its not a nice thought and it made it difficult to go to camps etc, I was always worried I would do it in my sleep.

My step child has a great imagination (about things they're interested in only) and autism. Still flaps a bit and head bangs as an adult. I wouldn't discount that as a possibility. It is a spectrum so some of the typical signs don't necessarily apply as much as others to every person.

Thank you so much @AnAussieMum for taking the time to reply I was started to think he was the only one. Luckily he only bangs his head into his pillow so never injures himself it’s mainly the loud humming noise that he does that keeps waking his little brother up 🙈 He says the banging makes his head feel nice and relaxed.

@Jobsharenightmare no I’m definitely not discounting it as a possibility and I understand he could have certain aspects of autism but it isn’t effecting anything in his life he has lots of friends at school including a best friend, shows incredible empathy and emotional understanding and picks up on subtle emotional cues like slight change of tone or little looks. I think he may have a few dyspraxia traits as well as he struggles to pedal a bike and use scissors but again he runs and climbs just as well as his friends so not really sure a few little things are worth pushing for a diagnosis but maybe I’m wrong 🤷🏼‍♀️

I am glad be uses his pillow. I used to use my arms or hands on top of my pillow hence the bruised head.
I find it funny that he says that he finds it makes his head nice and relaxed.
I dont know why I did it I didn't feel relaxed though, I think more for comfort.
Its not something I ever talk about and to be honest I had forgotten about it until I read your post.
I wonder how common it is.
I can see how the humming would be annoying. I still remember my humming tune over and over again must have driven my family nuts too!
Have you ever asked him to try and do it without the humming?

😂 yes every night and he doesn’t hum himself to sleep but then if he even slightly wakes in the night he has to do it to get back to sleep and then I don’t even think he knows he’s doing it 🙈 He has done it since a few months old but it got a lot worse when we took his dummy. He’s quite an anxious child who over thinks everything and I think struggles to relax and switch off. Was any of this the case for you?

Yes I think I was the same. Any time I went to bed or got up for the toilet etc then I would need to do it to go back to sleep.
I am not sure exactly what age I started doing or but remember mum and dad saying that I used to do it on my knees with my butt on the air as a small child in bed. Eventually I got lazy I guess and just did it laying flat on my belly.
I dont remember being anxious however I am now 42 so dont remember anything about anxiety growing up no one really talked about it.
I just think it was comfort.
I did have trouble going to sleep as I got older about 10ish I think so I guess that helped also.
Hopefully he breaks the habit soon.
Wonder how he would feel sleeping over at a friends house if he was still doing it.
Even when I stopped doing it to get to sleep I did it in my sleep. As I'd wake up with sore head so know I had been doing it.

I did this as a child too - I used to be on my knees and would rock myself and hum. I eventually grew out of it but still sometimes feel like doing it if I'm ill even now. It must be a comfort thing.

Yeah the on the knees bum in the air was exactly what he use to do when he was really little, I use to think it was cute. Friend who is a health visitor just advised us not to make a big deal of it or ask him to stop as could just make it worse. Thank you though at least I know he’s not the only one. 🤞🏻 He stops soon 😊

@MichB86 just wondering, I know this is old but is your DS still doing this?

Mine is younger, 3.5, but still doing exactly this at night - the head banging and humming - and I’m wondering when (if) it’ll stop. He doesn’t do it in the day ever and doesn’t seem to have any other unusual sensory things…

Hi,

Yep I’m currently laid in bed listening to him. It had seemed to calm down a little over the summer holidays but since returning to school it has intensified again.

my son doesn’t ever do it any other time and any sensory sensitivity he’s outgrown so I’m fairly confident there isn’t anything else going on.

I really do wish he would stop though for his own sake as he’s approaching 7 so sleep overs are starting to be talked out about and camp with beavers.

x

Thank you for replying @MichB86 . Yes definitely I don't blame you, I'm really keen for my DS to outgrow it and he's quite a bit younger so I can only imagine. Does he stop himself once he's settled? My DS tends to do it to get himself back off to sleep in the middle of the night but quite often it's because he's come off his pillow / lost his duvet so I go in and correct his sleeping position, and he stops then. It seems such a strange soothing method even though I know it's not unusual for babies and toddlers to do it...!

My autistic child does this. Not saying your son is autistic, but mine is and does this so it's worth investigating

Unfortunately @Knittynanna a referral to investigate for autism would never be accepted solely on this. I believe my older child (not the head banger) either has autism or ADHD and it's only now, that he is 6, that it's really quite apparent that something is different so he has been referred.

I said it was worth investigating. Not that it was easy to get a referral. But taking some online screening tools and making a list of traits/ behaviours and examples is always a good beginning. Sorry if that was unclear

I have been through it once now going through it again (the fight to get a diagnosis) so I know it's not easy

Hi,

yes he does stop himself once settled but then will repeat the process whenever he wakes in the night.

I’ve had conversations with him about trying to stop but he just gets upset and says he likes it and that it makes him relax.

I think I’ve previously posted that he is quite an anxious child who over thinks and worry’s about things. So not sure if this plays some part.

I think if there is no change between now and Christmas I will speak to the doctor. I’m just very conscious of making him feel bad about it.

x

I can sometimes get him to fall asleep without the head banging and humming but it’s like he really has to make an effort not to but then in the middle of the night he will still do it.

Its hard because when I did it I could go to sleep without doing it if I tried hard enough. But I'd prefer to do it, I would also wake up in the middle of the night doing it. It was really such a comfort for me. Its a really hard habit to break. When I thought ok I am going to stop now, id still wake up and be doing it.

Has he ever been assessed for ASD?

He's been doing it all this time so I wouldn't have thought he'll magically change by December.

Have you tried other sensory things like perhaps weighted blankets or the tight wraparound sheets you can buy? Maybe something that could compress around his eyes and ears, like a sleep mask?

My 10 year old does this. Sends me crazy as she sleeps with me.

The whole bed shakes and she's so loud.