Help dd not going to sch, has GCSE’s this week

[Diamondt]

Hi, I don’t know what to do. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense.

Any advise of how to try to get through the next few days of GCSE’s?
My dd’s anxiety & depression has became so bad she’s refusing to go to school (even out of the house tbh) She had her GCSE’s last week & week before and managed to go in and do a few but now refusing to go in this week.
Her last exam last week she nearly passed out & was crying. The invigilators ended up letting her do it outside of the classroom, their idea. This really helped. She is now panicking this will happen again but then won’t get help. Each day she feels sick, dizzy, generally ill. In the exams she says she can’t focus enough to do them as feeling like she’s going to pass out, keeps getting that rush feeling more or less constantly.

I don’t know what to do. She has 3.5 days left with 2 exams each day then that’s it. They have been able to rearrange the missed ones for this week but times running out. She’s missed this mornings one now too.

She says if she can be on her own she will try as she doesn’t feel as bad and can try to get through it. Being in a classroom is just exploding her feelings.
The invigilators said she can sit outside but that was to her not the sch. The sch are saying she has to go in the class room.

What can I do to help her? I do understand and have been in her situation many times before as I’m epileptic & know you can’t flip a switch for the nxt few days. It’s frustrating for us both as it’s 3.5 days then that’s it. She’s finished sch !

I said I know I’m asking a lot of her but I’m really worried about her exam results as she needs them for college. Just go in and take it step by step. You don’t know what they might be able to sort out when you’re there.

Pls be kind, I’m asking for help/advise. I am worried about her long term and we have things in place & in the pipeline.

Can you speak to the SENCO and get her to see if your DD can do the exams on her own?

#1 Presumably her grades aren't all on these final exams, in circumstances such as these they should be able to give a grade based on previous assessments
#2 Ring the school and ask to speak to SENCO / HoY / Exams officer. Explain what happened. They must have some students in other small rooms due to concessions, maybe she could go into a smaller room. They might not be able to manage individual as that needs an extra invigilator at short notice. However the possible disturbance to the other pupils should mean they accommodate.
#3 Give her something to do when she starts to panic, focus on breathing or whatever.
#4 If she doesn't get the grades there are other routes, and college may be more flexible this year due to circumstances.
#5 You are not alone. DD melted down trying to do English test yesterday - and that was at home as she hasn't been in all year.

💕💕 Thank you 🙏

Senco- is that the same as safeguarding officer? She’s been good until these last few mths and last week was rubbish, dismissive. Yes she has a couple of weeks left but she needs help more than ever with these exams. She just doesn’t care anymore.

I have been on the phone to the assistant head of her year yesterday. Going into everything again and again. They said they can’t have her in her own room as don’t have the staff to give her 1-1, I can understand.

Sch said - When she comes in tomorrow (this morning) get her to come see me (ass head of yr) and we will ease her in and take her to the exam room, we are letting her sit at the back ! That’s not going to help.

Grades are between her mock’s, class assessments & these exams. But they are really pushing on these exams.

She has fidget toys & they have let her doodle on her hands while in exams. (I say that as normally it can be seen as cheating) she knows about breathing but not sure if she does any of the techniques.

She has been accepted into Level 3 which is 2 yrs. if she doesn’t get her grades apparently she can still do Level 1 then Level 2 but that adds another 2 yrs Plus she will have to resit GCSE’s at college. My concern is that by then it will be normal exams in a hall. At least atm it’s in bubbles and classrooms.

Ive tried to say to her (mths ago) to get them over with now as you’ll have to re do them otherwise at college & they will be back to normal. Being in college you won’t be able to get as much help as you do now.
I have to be careful how I say it as I don’t want to scare her but at the same time she needs to know the truth.

It’s sooooo frustrating as it’s 3 & 1/2 days to go ! I wish there was a switch I could flip, just till Friday.

She’s meant to be at sch nxt week...why I don’t know but I’ve said I don’t care about nxt week, I won’t pressure you next week at all. I know I’m asking a lot but please Try to at least go in to sch.
The last few weeks she’s only been going in for exams and maybe a lesson or two then coming home because she can’t handle it.

Oh, most of the invigilators are sch staff and most know dd & how she’s struggling.
Ass HoY made it sound like if she misses these exams she will fail.

SENCO isn't safeguarding.
SENCO is the person in charge of people with special educational needs. Safeguarding is about keeping the child safe. Of course when it comes to mental health there is an overlap.

My DD should have qualified to do L3, we have agreed with college to decide on enrollment whether she will do L1 or L2. DD's L2 needs grade 3s. The only ones you have to resit are Math & English Language.

Depending on remaining subjects can you agree to not attempt some if she does others?

Is she getting medical help with this?

Just to be clear, if she is clearly capable, college should be willing to accept her onto level 2 without needing a level 1 first. That would give her the opportunity to retake English and Maths before progressing.

I have just spoken to the Examinations/ Assessment officer and they have put her in a room with 2 other students for her history exam which she’s thankful of and hoping that she will be ok for. I’ve just dropped her off so fingers crossed.

The lady said to see how this goes and they will try to do this with other exams this week. But due to times they are not sure which I totally understand.

She seemed really nice and helpful.

I’m hoping they will be able to do this with the others but again understand if they can’t. They said they might have to look at her not completing all of her exams and focus on the important ones.

Yes we are under the care of EWMHS but it’s not every week. She will see the a few times then not for a while then does for a bit, it’s frustrating that it’s not set times, every week/every fortnight etc but at least she is seeing someone.

We are going down routes with the gp. She’s started her on anxiety medication, hoping that will help. Waiting to speak with the gp nxt week re possible vertigo too.

Great, she did her exam just about but the bully at sch started picking on her out of the sch gates then told her mum dd started having a go at her for no reason. I got a call from the sch, the mum has reported my dd to the sch and police apparently.
I asked dd what was said, she said because she was feeling so ill she couldn’t see or hear properly, the girl was just screaming at her. Dd admitted she shouted back but the sch have been told the girl was just standing there it was totally unprovoked! I said she must know what was said from her mates. Dd said I don’t & my mates haven’t told me because I feel so ill & can’t handle knowing.
This is all she needs! I hope this doesn’t add to everything and stop her going in.

HoY said he is disappointed in my dd,
“After all we have done for her, it just seems like she sticking two fingers up at us”
I didn’t know anything as he called me before I had spoken to dd so couldn’t stand up for her. Just have to wait for the police to come over as apparently the are today!

Oh no that’s awful. Poor girl. I’ve got a daughter around the same age and it’s hard enough this year without mental health issues and bullies.

I hope you had a strong word with that head of year.

Sorry - have, obviously you’ve had to find out what happened.

I don’t know how to find out. She says she doesn’t want to know as she feels so ill, stressed & worried as it is so can’t tell me what she doesn’t know, or doesn’t what to think about it to tell me as it’ll make her feel worse.
The police haven’t called/come over. So that’s good I guess.

She fell asleep exhausted for a few hrs. Later sat with me downstairs for a bit then she wanted me to come up to her room to ‘chill’ with her... that’s when I know something is up. It’s the way she says it. We ended up looking at the college at the different courses and she’s now thinking of an apprenticeship. Her head is all over the place again. She’s worried about who’s going to be in her class. Watching the videos, looking at all the people in the background, saying “she looks nice , so does she. None of them look catty they all look friendly.” So now she’s worried about being bullied in college.

I said to her at bed time that I’ll wake her at 7am for school. She said, eye rolling, ok. Please please fingers crossed she will go in tomorrow. She has math am and math pm.

Diamond Hope your DD makes it in today. My DD needs to sit an English writing paper at home, she is still exhausted from the reading on Monday, so good luck to both of them.

Your DD doesn't need to know what was said. The school should take evidence from your DD's friends.

Are you in a position to drop and collect your DD just for her exams so she doesn't need to hang around?

Did she make it in?

Morning @TeenMinusTests
Yes she’s gone in today thankfully. When I woke her at 7am & 7.20am she was saying she was feeling too ill, but did start to get ready.

I called the examination lady from yesterday and asked where her tests are today (math x 2) Because she could see it really helped yesterday being in a smaller room with only a few children she is trying to put her in that class for the rest of her exams this week. Dd said the lady checked on her a few times making sure she was ok. So that’s really helping dd xx

Unfortunately I don’t drive so she’s having to stay all day these next few days. The last 2 weeks she was only going in for the exams on her bad days. She went in yesterday via taxi - luckily only short driving distance, £7 I think. My dad probably would have come up but he’s away for a few days & I don’t have family close.

Sorry to her about your dd. I hope she is feeling better today and can get through her English xx

I’m just praying this girl doesn’t start on dd. She’s sneaky & does things without calling attention to herself when in sch. Dd can only take so much before she reacts. As much as I tell her to react quietly or go to the teachers she doesn’t. She’s always the one who gets noticed & seen to be starting issues. If only they knew this girl out of sch !!

She’s really struggling today, I’ve told her to not react, let the sch see what this girl is doing. If you react they are just going to believe her more & you less. She’s 16 though so in one ear out the other.

Xx

@RJnomore1
Yes thankfully she has. Hopefully she will be able to stay in all day. 1 exam is 1st lesson but the other is the end of the day.
Like I said above, I’m just praying that girl stays away from my dd.

I’ve asked HoY or assistant HoY to call me back today. Not that I have much to say in regards to what was said. But will tell him to speak to dd’s friends that were there & that the girl was shouting at her 1st.

I’ve had so many problems with this sch with her health and attendance. I doubt I’ll get a call back as they don’t like me as I stand up for dd. I’ve had to go over their head a few times, they didn’t like that as they were in the wrong.

7 days left.... we are just on constant count down atm lol xx

DD's currently in bed saying she can't face it...
Due to start at 11.

Oh no, sending lots of hugs xx

@Diamondt I'm reading this with tears in my eyes. Your poor daughter is amazingly brave. She is struggling with extreme anxiety and being bullied....and yet she is still going in for her exams. And she is still planning to go to college! I'm sure you are so proud of her!
I hope the bully/police situation can be dealt with successfully and that your daughter can walk away from it all with her head held high.

Well my DD wrote something. Probably not enough to count as 'sustained writing' though. She's exhausted. And so am I from the mental effort of encouraging her through it.

OP: Hope the maths goes OK today. That will be DD's last, on the day after half term, (if we get that far.)

@PainterInPeril Yes I am proud of her and I tell her that xx She didn’t manage to go in today so that’s another 2 exams missed. She’s only got tomorrow to fit in 4 exams ... don’t think they will be able to.
She’s now not sure wether to go to college as being in college 4 days a week is feeling to much for her. She’s now looking at an apprenticeship.

On the bully side
I had a mum pop over today. The bully has been making this girl feel sorry for her saying it’s all my dd’s fault, that my dd is the horrible one etc. It’s really draining this poor girl. Anyway the mum came to me as we used to be friends yr7&8 and she knows she can come and talk to me. She said she wanted to hear my dd’s side as it’s really effecting her dd. She was shocked at what we were saying. Also it came out that the bully actually had 2 girls with her when she was shouting at my dd, provoking her. So I can’t wait to speak to the rude HoY & for the police to come over as she’s been telling everyone she was on her own and my dd started on her. One of the girls that were with her at the time has said if she’s asked she will tell the truth.

Finally some light

She can't possibly do 4 exams in 1 day, that's ridiculous.
Some things are more important than GCSEs.
If she can go in tomorrow, pick the 1 or 2 exams you feel are most important and do them.
Why can't the school let her carry over exams to next week?

@TeenMinusTests That’s good she tried and hopefully they will take this year into account and it will be enough xx I wish her lots of luck for the rest of her exams. Does she have many to do?
Yes I have been feeling so drained again too.

Her maths went well she said but she’s missed her English and Food Tech today. She has Food Tech, English, It & History to catch up on tomorrow! Which can’t happen. So I don’t know what she has tomorrow. Her English is a class assessment so hopefully she can do it next week as this doesn’t need an invigilator.

@TeenMinusTests
Tomorrow is the last day for GCSE’s. They pay for Invigilators to come into the school and tomorrow is their last day.
Although I have been told they don’t actually HAVE to have invigilators as the teachers are marking them, they are not being sent off. It’s the schools choice to have invigilators.