Suicidal DD (16)

[Noregrets78]

Wish I knew what to do, I feel helpless and useless. She's cut herself, taken overdoses, yesterday tried to strangle herself in the school toilets. She'd like to be admitted to a psych ward but everything I hear is that it's not a good plan. CAMHS involved, they're very clear with me that if she wants to take her life we can't stop her. Strangely I'm struggling to accept that... School knew she was struggling but I need to tell them what happened yesterday. But then they'll need to put something in place to keep her safe on the premises - accompanied toilet visits? Someone following her at all times? That will all just make her more down. What on earth to do.

I thought the same in the beginning. I don't know if it's helpful to look up the conditions and see what resonates.

The 9 symptoms of BPD could have been written about my child. The rage has only just started now they're off sertraline.

Sorry @Noregrets78 - I have completely derailed your thread

@Noregrets78 seemed fine with us all derailing @andsoitbeginsagain I guess because it’s so good to all talk through our experiences with our DC. We’re in similar circumstances.
I’m now off to google bipolar v BPD.

Oh Borderline Personality Disorder. Quite different! That’s the trouble with abbreviations.

Yes very different. Does BPD fit or seem more likely - our professionals call it EUPD OR Emotion Disregulation. Whatever it is it's very, very hard to suffer from and be the parent of someone who suffers.

You lose sight of what's reality and what's the 'averagish' life with teens.

I often wonder how bad it really is because this has been our life for so long then I look at my other child and see how very different they are and how they're probably more like your average teen?

My poor kids - one struggles terribly every hour of every day and the other one is a casualty. Can't be helped even though I tried my hardest to balance the 2 - it's impossible.

No my DD is nothing like that other than self harm and suicide thoughts/attempts. She’s always been very compliant and easy going. The conflict is me asking her to empty the dishwasher / walk the dog/ do a job & her saying she’s studying to do, me insisting, her being stroppy, us both getting cross. Actually, I think I’m the one who gets cross, not her. Oops!!! As I say, I’ve really really altered thus and it’s helped. Maybe I was the one being unreasonable. In fact I know that.
She’s likely on the autistic spectrum but not diagnosed. Due assessments. She’s always had trouble maintain friendships, socialising, communication etc.

Simular situation for us. Dd 14, we have to have all sharps locked away all meds locked away. Her low mood is draining, we've done nights in hospital under watch, her school have taken her to a&e, they discharge her to camhs and were back on the wait lists.
Shes been told 2 more years for counselling. School have no idea what to do with her so call me to collect her at least twice a week, usually after I have spent hours getting her there. They really want her gone, i have applied for parent ehcp as the school just won't, its been refused twice she's a very bright girl - when she actually attends.

She would just like to spend all day in her room, occasionally appearing to tell me how sad and how low her mood has dropped, she refuses to do most things and has been a victim of sexual grooming online.

Camhs are useless gp can only refer back to camhs, a&e refer back to camhs, where she is seen every 6 months, she's autistic and we've been told mood disorder/anxiety/bpd/eupd, each dr. We see changes what they think she has and also her medication.

At Ds private adhd assessment the psych suggested she may has adhd as both her twin brothers do.

We also have dts with asd and adhd i am spread so thin, I regularly feel I am at breaking point. One twin is very well supported, the other is still waiting for a school placement, so I am driving him about to his 1 her tutoring 3 days a week, whe he blames me for not having a school, his mh has plummeted watching his twin go to school each day while he isn't....all whilst trying to fit in collecting dd, and keeping her safe.

I had no idea just how shockingly bad mh services for children actually are.

Good Lord @twinkletoedelephant you have a massive amount on your plate.

What a sad situation for your twins - is there a chance of a place any time soon?

I would have thought DD could be moved up the list with her diagnosis?

I'm sad for you, it's shockingly wrong that you aren't attached to constant suppport / I know ther services are strained but even a private psychiatrist is not enough / you need a team.

Do you belong to ADDVance?

Oh crikey that sounds hideous @twinkletoedelephant So very very difficult. Especially with twins too and the unfairness between them. What a nightmare. I’m really shocked at the lack of MH support. Especially for children who are seriously suffering. You’ve no idea until you’re in it. I don’t think people realise how dire it is.

What’s ADDvance?

Sorry - I just looked and they cover Hertfordshire - someone I know used to work for them and put me in touch (we were in west Herts at that time) I don't know if there's anything similar in other counties?

How are your girls @Noregrets78 @ComplexNeeds?

Ok thanks. She’s been back at school this week. Needing lots of hugs, which for a 17 year old is unusual in itself. Big long everlasting hugs. She’d stay there forever. She’s struggling. Finding school hard but doesn’t want to miss anything. She’s very focused on study and uni, which in so many ways is good. It’s a future. In other ways it’s pressure and exhausting. The week exclusion has made her feel at odds with her friends too. Says they’re closer and she’s a bit out of it. Whilst that’s her perception, I doubt it’s actually true and did say that I thought that was repairable. I’m pleased she’s telling me stuff. So I need to ensure I don’t minimise it but at the same time I don’t want her making false assumptions. But I guess that’s about self esteem and negativity etc.
Anyway, shes ok. Fragile but ok.
How’s everyone else?

As someone who struggled with mental health as a teenage I would recommend the following

• stop any online presence that isn't reviewed by you. You would be amazed the pro suicide/self harm and ed things that are online and will dramatically influence her. Whilst this shouldn't be forever if she is so low I would be worried about that.
• in patient is terrible for.pickjng up habits, but if you can't be around her all the time and she is suicidal and attempted it's likely to be the best place for her

-, have you had a full and Frank did ussion with her. Is she struggling with self esteem/depression/anxiety/ed all of these things will require different treatments. The NHS is frankly poor when it comes to mental health with team s and I was lucky enough to have my parents funds. Therapist which helped me. I'm sorry your family is going through this

Don’t suppose she’s on the pill @Noregrets78? I was suicidal at that age.

It was horrible and I got rushed to hospital with an overdose.

but my GP took me off the pill and I was better shortly afterwards.

I’m very sensitive to hormonal changes!

Sending love