Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Child mental health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Ashamed but about to give up on ds 15

63 replies

HormonalHeap · 27/10/2015 14:47

Today 14:04 HormonalHeap

Ds 15 has a severe gaming addiction. About to get chucked out of school and kicked dh (his stepdad) in the stomach this morning before trying to throw him down the stairs. His violence has escalated and happens whenever we try and restrict his gaming. He will not see anyone to get help as he thinks the object is to restrict his gaming- the only thing he lives for. Dh and I had an hour with a psychologist who explained to us why this has happened and how he uses it as a means of escape from problems, but without him seeing anyone he can't be helped. I'm terrified that at 15 this is my last chance to stop him beating up some poor woman as an adult and ending up behind bars. Has anyone been through similar or have any experience of addiction in adolescents?

OP posts:
Flum · 27/10/2015 15:26

Gosh no, but don't give up on him. But, no advice or experience here I am afraid.

Cookiecake · 27/10/2015 15:33

Addiction of any kind is really hard to deal with. I think most people around people with addictions would probably like to give up as it is so incredibly draining and on your mind constantly I imagine.

I think it's always going to get worse before it gets better. Maybe you need to involve the police. If he is attacking people and you are scared then it cannot continue. If you allow him to play games to avoid these violent outbursts then he will just get worse. If it were me I would tell him you are not going to let this continue and will be going to the police if there is any violence against person or property. Maybe that's the kind of shock he needs.

You have to make it clear continuing is not an option and he needs to cut down on the game and speak to someone.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 27/10/2015 15:36

You need to take away his gaming stuff. He needs to earn it back. Starting with an apology.
What happens if hes kicked out of school? What does he do then?

MushroomMama · 27/10/2015 15:45

Take it away even if you have to leave it at a relatives house or lock it in your car.

I'm usually softly softly but on this one I think cold turkey is the best course of action. Warn him if he's violent again you'll call the police and press charges.

Palomb · 27/10/2015 15:46

Take away the computers.

DreamingOfThruxtons · 27/10/2015 15:49

It sounds like there are underlying problems (stating the obvious, I know!). I don't know what the answer is, but if he is 'self medicating' with this addiction, then surely it follows that the underlying problem has to be dealt with. Did the psychiatrist refer you to anyone, or is CAHMS an option? It's really concerning that a young man at the start of his life sees nothing worth living for aside from gaming. Sad

PisforPeter · 27/10/2015 15:50

Yes, take them away & get a referral to your local CAMHS via GP.

DreamingOfThruxtons · 27/10/2015 15:51

Also, if you did go 'cold turkey', it might be worth arranging some intensive activities and/or therapy if you can manage it? Just wouldn't leave him with a vacuum.

Original poster
HormonalHeap · 27/10/2015 16:08

Thanks for all your replies. The lady we saw last week told us he cannot go cold turkey but has to be restricted. We have tried doing this but he makes it impossible. Cookiecake I think you're right in that it will get worse before it gets better. We have threatened the police but hard as it is to imagine, he actually wouldn't care. Dreaming I would happily arrange some therapy but he outright refuses to see anyone. He psychiatrist referred is to a male version of her, but he won't do home visits so no use. Unfortunately ds would not co-operate anyway.

Sally he is on the verge of being kicked out of school. High achieving school that doesn't want kids with problems. I'm starting to see though that his education isn't important in the grand scheme though - only thing I want is to get him well and healthy again. Soul destroying.

OP posts:
Palomb · 27/10/2015 16:14

Throw the bloody computer in the bin. Of course he can go cold turkey. It'll get worse before it gets butter I should think but in the long term it doesn't sound like it can get much worse.

Fairylea · 27/10/2015 16:19

Cold turkey.

If the only thing he's living for is gaming and he ends up with the police surely that's got to be a deterrent? The police aren't going to hand him an Xbox or ps4 while he's in detention / youth supervision etc.

I know it's very difficult but he's only 15 and needs to learn you are the boss. No gaming whatsoever until he earns it back.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 27/10/2015 16:22

I agree, restricting is like teasing. Take it away. Phone the community police, they are half way house, police want prevention as much as you do, and the shock might be a wakeup call.

Original poster
HormonalHeap · 27/10/2015 16:23

Unfortunately Palomb he needs it for school/homework as he types and stores his work on it. Dh and i are seeing same lady who told me his addiction is so severe he cannot go cold turkey. She is a child & adolescent professor of psychology who has written books on the subject.

If anyone has been through similar and come out sane I would love to hear.

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 27/10/2015 16:25

Use the library computer.

MissMarpleCat · 27/10/2015 16:26

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've no advice as it's not something I have knowledge about, but I did'nt want to read and run Flowers

Original poster
HormonalHeap · 27/10/2015 16:27

FairyLea, my worry is that even if I take it all away, how is that teaching him to self regulate as an adult? Sally I didn't know the community police are separate from the police, that's a good idea, thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
HormonalHeap · 27/10/2015 16:28

Thank you MissMarple xx

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 27/10/2015 16:32

Why can't he go cold turkey? It's not like a drug or alcohol addiction where withdrawal might be physically dangerous

DreamingOfThruxtons · 27/10/2015 16:45

How about this? www.addictionhelper.com/rehab-treatment/boot-camps-for-kids-and-teens/

Pottering, psychological withdrawal can lead to reactions which are physically dangerous, or which could have unpleasant consequences. For some reason, this boy sounds as though he has an extreme reliance on withdrawing from the world in this way, which means he might react in more extreme ways than you might imagine.

Original poster
HormonalHeap · 27/10/2015 16:47

PotteringAlong, I have been told by the professor I saw that it is EXACTLY like a drug/alcohol addiction in that dopamine is raised when playing, and that withdrawing everything would be as dangerous as removing all alcohol from an alcoholic.

OP posts:
DreamingOfThruxtons · 27/10/2015 16:48

Also, although this is not the specific charity I was trying to find, there are charities like this --> www.thesparkplug.org/, which can be amazing in circumstances like this.

Original poster
HormonalHeap · 27/10/2015 16:50

Thanks Dreaming- if anyone has personal experience of one of these charities I would be so grateful to know

OP posts:
DreamingOfThruxtons · 27/10/2015 16:58

If you would like to PM me your location, I could see whether a friend who works with a similar outfit to the one I linked to (sparkplug) can recommend somewhere local to you/and or contacts. Have you been in touch with Gamanon or similar? gamanon.org.uk/
I suspect they would be able to provide you with plenty of testimonials for varying approaches...

(Also found this: www.recovery.org/topics/about-the-online-gamers-anonymous-12-step-recovery-program/)

DreamingOfThruxtons · 27/10/2015 17:00

Oh. They're American, sorry, not that much use...

DoreenLethal · 27/10/2015 17:00

Self regulation isn't going to work though is it OP?