I think my 13 yr old has depression, what more can i do.

[imjustahead]

She has a history of illness, emotional and physical problems.

We went to the gp last summer after she had totally broken down for two weeks. Not speaking, crying, feeling empty and pointless etc...

At that time, told to give it time.

In the first term of school (yr8) she had one week off because of severe anxiety, and feelings like i described above. Saw GP, who said, yes anxiety, and gave us a sick note for school.
Two weeks ago she said the feelings are coming back. I gave it time, but took her back to gp (for once our regular gp) who suggested exercise, and online site living life to the full.
I did ask about anti depressants, mentioned Prozac but was told they could in fact cause suicidal thoughts. (I mentioned Prozac specifically as I read that it is the one that is preferred in young adults/children). So she said the exact opposite to what I had read.

The feelings stem, mainly from a long history of problems with her father (ex dh), who has never stepped up, or who has for a time then disappeared out of her life.
I just want to know what more i can do.

There is history of depression in our family, I was a depressed child and am very adamant my dd will not be left to flounder as i was.
I have had antidepressants in early 20's and they helped me so much.
I don't want dd to go on them, but who knows, they could be a real help.

She has had periods for two years now, and generally she has good friends, is lively, fun and bright. It breaks my heart to see her like this.

GP said, to come back in a month.

What more could be done through the NHS? GP said that in any case she (gp) wouldn't be allowed to prescribe any meds.
I read about Cambhs on here, and it never gets a good press.
Would they have to be invloved before dd gets assessed for ad's? I mean how much longer can this go on.

thankyou x

we are all as parents put under huge pressures re school attendance and also if she's home you need to be there too so of course your frustration is understandable. I struggled for many, manymonths as I didn't understand but I just wouldn't do anything which makes her feel any worse like going to school until she's getting help. get movies out,make popcorn, if she will go for a walk with you try to encourage some movement. If she was physically ill you wouldn't feel the pressure so much. She is ill so needs rest, professional treatment,recovery time and love. Sorry it's hard. I can only offer you hope that longer term thing can get better though like goldmandra I've had my share of camhs horror stories as well as some great help from unexpected sources..can you set up work in key subjects at home? You are a loving mum doing your best.stay strong.

Maybe you could ask her to think about how she would like things to move forward and give you a time in the future that she thinks she might feel ready to talk about school. Agree that timescale withe her and then you can feel better about not bringing school up.

I try to remind myself that children and young people will make progress without being pushed. It is innate and I think we sometimes don't give them credit for that. My DD went back to school as soon as it was manageable for her. She could have taken more time off but she didn't choose to do that.

Try to trust your DD to know what she can cope with. Build some positive experiences into her life instead for now until you can get some advice from CAMHS.

thankyou.

half term has been quite relaxed, she hasn't been well but that half term feeling has been in our midst.

I am learning to give her credit, as a young woman/older child who can make choices and at the same time i do feel we have communicated that mum is also here for her no matter what.

We had a chat yesterday, which touched on a bit of homework i sourced for her, I said that if she can do a bit that would be great, and that it didn't mean she had to go back to school. I stressed that I didn't expect her to do anything that makes her more anxious or sad, but at the same time i had to gauge where she was 'at'.She was laughing and seemed free for a time.

Exhausted afterwards though. Thankyou again for checking back in with me and dd xx

It sounds like you're doing a good job. It's hard to know where to strike the balance and getting it wrong can be very painful.

Keep taking those baby steps alongside her.

baby steps, baby steps.

I got all upset watching Call The Midwife earlier. The births just seem to make me fall apart, with the memory of holding her for the first time, it's so so vivid.

How is it going?

You're probably on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster right now. I hope you're coping OK.

Goldmandra, hi.

It's much the same, and i have been a bit all over the place, mainly still getting my head around the seriousness of this. I didn't think it would go on this long. On the other hand, I have desensitized myself to worrying about school.
From your advice, in your situation, and I also chatted with her learning co-ordinator on Monday who told me to just not even think about school.

It's hard to comment about how dd is, she isn't the same as she used to be, but I'd forgotten how much depression changes you. I should know given i have had bouts of it all my life.

How are your girls? xx

I'm glad you feel confident to put school to one side for now and that decision is being supported.

This could be a long journey but, with time and the right support, you will see your beautiful daughter emerge again.

We are on a different part of the journey. One DD is flourishing and her younger sister has just been placed in wonderful independent school where the staff are keen to help her. Like your DD, with time and support, I think she will get there, although there will be ups and downs along the way.

There is such great advice on this thread, and it has really opened my eyes to how common it is for teenagers to feel this way.

I am just starting my journey with my DD14 and have been lucky enough to get a camhs appointment within 6 weeks from referral. She is so down about herself and truly believes that everyone around her feels the same way about her as she does herself. Again, I have a beautiful, kind, bright and talented daughter who believes that she is ugly, worthless and totally unlikeable by her peers.
The paranoia she is experiencing on a daily basis must be so terrifying for her, and now that she has opened up to me about her feelings there is no going back.
I am going to keep up with this thread as I know I am going to need support from other mums going through this with their children, and just wanted to say thank you for sharing and good luck to all of you x

Sorry to hear of another child going through this.

It's so good that she has decided to open up to you. This might help her be open to the support when it's offered.

This is a very stressful experience so make sure you look after yourself too.

seriouslyworried hiya.

i am sorry you are going through this too. i haven't added to this thread for days, as nothing much has changed.

yet, you are not alone in this as i discovered. it's not just your child. very hard to find parents or mums in the same situation.
i don't know where this journey will take us but share on here and we can at least nod in agreement from afar.

x

She just spent the day with her 'friends'....purely so that she doesn't feel 'out of the loop' tomorrow if she does make it to school!!

She was in a panic because she was going to be the last person to make it to the meeting point! I then spent the whole day worrying that she just wanted to come home! I am happy that she can still face going out with friends, as I was worried that she wouldn't, but when she comes back she is physically and emotionally drained! It's like I know that she is just 'going through the motions', but I'm upbeat about the whole thing!! I want to be able to help her, but feel so clueless and out of my depth I could just scream and punch!!!!

Her dad is even more of an ostrich with his head buried in the sand that I could punch him also!!!

I find myself walking the dog into the middle of the common and crying, just to release what I am feeling....and then I think about what my DD is doing to release her feelings...can't bare it...there was a conversation on LBC today about self harm and it just broke my heart! If I won the lottery I would just keep her at home with me...but I know that wouldn't help!
Back to work tomorrow, and I completely understand where DD is coming from, because right now I could do with a week off!!!

well we had our camhs appointment.

ok ish. feel she didn't say joy bad it's really been.
i did add to what she said. do they get that kids put on brave faces ?

she gets six sessions with this counsellor. they don't start for a month.

almost wish i had tried to scrape the money up and gone private weeks ago .

feel deflated and i emotions why

Planning six sessions at a time is normal practice for CAMHS. My DD has been a practitioner for nearly a year but the sessions are planned and reviewed six at a time. DD2 was referred for six sessions of CBT and wasnt discharged for five years.

She will only be discharged at the end of those six sessions if they feel it is appropriate and you should have the opportunity to express your views in the review at the end too.

If you feel she needs more input, either more of the same or something more in depth, say so. Yes, children do put on a brave face. Why would they open up fully to a complete stranger? Give her time to get to know them and she may feel able to be more honest.

I know is feels awful, but it's really good that she only has to wait a month. Take it one step at a time.

Sorry, my DD2 has been working with a practitioner.....

My DD1 was referred for CBT and wasnt discharged for five years!

That will teach me to proof read before I post!

Goldmandra thanks for explaining the process it's invaluable for me that you have. thanks.

i think yesterday had alot of expectation on it and i have been alone in this house with dd for so many weeks. i have to reset myself that it was a beginning not an end to what we have just gone through here. dd probs with her dad have been there all her life.

i still don't actually know who she was we saw.

my

dd school coordinator said dd would get cbt, but not sure if that's what this lady does, yet.
will phone school Monday to let them know we have been.

Hi Imjustahead I found your thread at the weekend and had a quick read through, sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time.

I don't have any great advice of my own as my DD with anxiety is quite a bit younger than yours, but you've had some excellent advice on this thread which I hope will be helpful. It occurred to me though that if you post in SN Children (or SN Chat if you don't want the thread to be permanent) you might get some more traffic and more insights into what's going on, as some posters there are very experienced with anxiety and depression symptoms. It might be especially useful with regard to advice on getting assessments for Aspergers if you feel that might be an issue. Good luck

thankyou, good idea for me to have a look at those topics.

I have made a small breakthrough. On sunday when dd and i went out for lunch, i brought up the school thing, on how she was feeling etc. Her immediate response was fear and mistrust of me, but i explained tentatively that i needed to know where she was at.

I spoke to her school liaison officer on monday morning, who had had a call from Camhs after our apt friday. She said it was quite unusual for them to do this so quickly, and that the counsellor had had a good chat with her.

School laison lady and I chatted about possibly popping in to school with dd for a chat, to let her know what support they could give. ie an hour a day in a secure environment away from main school buildings.
No expectations, and no pressure.

I approached dd with this idea, again instant tears, but also she wanted to listen, when i said it's just an idea, small baby steps.
We went into school yesterday, and agreed a half hour visit today, which dd did.
I left her with the pastoral care lady and the liason woman who is so helpful, and they agreed dd would come in tomorrow for an hour.

She doesn't have to do any non gcse subjects for starters ( they chose their options a month or so ago yr 8!)
She is to take one book in per day, no stress.

I am so so proud of her, i can't tell you. I barely slept last night worried her reaction today, but she remained upbeat and she tried so hard.

When we came home she sorted out her new pencil case, and i felt so happy for her. I pray the mist is lifiting slightly, she wouldn't have been able to face this, 1,2,3 etc weeks back.

i feel hope is coming back to this home.

That is so good to hear!

It sounds like the school staff are really listening which is going to help enormously.

Try to make sure that your DD is allowed to feel in control and able to lead her own progress. That will be key to her feeling safe.

Keeping my fingers well and truly crossed for you.

thankyou once again Goldmandra, your comments are always so positive and welcome.

I will remember, and thanks for reminding me, to let dd move at her own pace. Very valid right now, as she is still so fragile really.

We went in yesterday, and today for an hour, we did a Common assessment framework form today.

Imjustahead, school response sounds very positive. In terms of camhs, y suggestion is to keep a diary of behaviour for them, Each time you meet someone, take their name and job (they often dont tell you) and ask their email and ask who you will see next when. More questions the better.. I found it helpful to refer to NICE guidelines on Camhs procedures. Although not enforceable, if you remind them what you think should be happening, it can be helpful. Saying that, the fact they were in touch with school is very positive. Don't expect your DD to open up to the first therapist she meets. My DD found it very difficult to talk to stressed mum therapists(as she called them) and accepted more help from slightly younger female psychotherapists. It took a while before she understood she was permitted to change therapist. As your DD starts to open up, things might get a bit more difficult for a while,as it will be terrifying for her, but helping her cope, is more important than school attendance which can always be caught up. Make the most of Camhs, my Dd has been waiting 9 months for a therapist in adult services now she has made the transition, despite being a tier 4 camhs patient....... best of luck.

hello, just an update.

saw the same mental health practitioner today and it was next to useless really.

Since we last saw her for our initial assessment she's said dd needs one more session then she'll prob discharge her. That dd's main problem is separation anxiety, according to a graph based on dd's tick box answers last time.
dd was so upset, that nothing that was apparently listened to really.
I am fucking livid.
I am requesting dd see someone else.
I have been to the school and they have told me this is a rubbish outcome and to email the head manager of the Camhs. That they would not have supported this had it been anything but severe problems. The woman we saw seemed so blunt. :(
She even said to me the there was no point taking up valuable time.
I said well we wouldn't want to do that, but i am concerned about the depression, and the low low points. She said but she's not really hitting the 'line' where we would be concerned.

all i could do not to cry in frustration, but i know the school are behind me and i hope we get to see someone else. I feel that we have probably experienced the worst side as high lighted a few tomes in the experiences of others on this thread.