I think my 13 yr old has depression, what more can i do.

[imjustahead]

She has a history of illness, emotional and physical problems.

We went to the gp last summer after she had totally broken down for two weeks. Not speaking, crying, feeling empty and pointless etc...

At that time, told to give it time.

In the first term of school (yr8) she had one week off because of severe anxiety, and feelings like i described above. Saw GP, who said, yes anxiety, and gave us a sick note for school.
Two weeks ago she said the feelings are coming back. I gave it time, but took her back to gp (for once our regular gp) who suggested exercise, and online site living life to the full.
I did ask about anti depressants, mentioned Prozac but was told they could in fact cause suicidal thoughts. (I mentioned Prozac specifically as I read that it is the one that is preferred in young adults/children). So she said the exact opposite to what I had read.

The feelings stem, mainly from a long history of problems with her father (ex dh), who has never stepped up, or who has for a time then disappeared out of her life.
I just want to know what more i can do.

There is history of depression in our family, I was a depressed child and am very adamant my dd will not be left to flounder as i was.
I have had antidepressants in early 20's and they helped me so much.
I don't want dd to go on them, but who knows, they could be a real help.

She has had periods for two years now, and generally she has good friends, is lively, fun and bright. It breaks my heart to see her like this.

GP said, to come back in a month.

What more could be done through the NHS? GP said that in any case she (gp) wouldn't be allowed to prescribe any meds.
I read about Cambhs on here, and it never gets a good press.
Would they have to be invloved before dd gets assessed for ad's? I mean how much longer can this go on.

thankyou x

thankyou.

have just spent an hour by her bedside. she told me she has started seeing the figure of a man in her room again.
she had this last summer after a two week stint of feeling low. absolutely terrified.

and to be honest i wasn't sure how to deal with it. only to say that it's anxiety and that her mind it to tired it is playing tricks on her

then i had a big cry. i couldn't stop. just had to let it out.

Oh bless you - it's very very hard to stay strong when you're watching someone you adore going through this. How is she today?

much the same. i thought she might get to school today but despite us planning it was not right.
she is exhausted, low and all the rest.
i barely slept and woke feeling very down myself. i did call my doc again to ask to hurry along the referral if possible. anything.

Hello

We've moved this to Child Mental Health now at the OP's request.

Thanks
MNHQ

thankyou hq.

Just seemed a much more appropriate place to be. I hadn't realised there was a specific section for children's mental health.

dd is still home :(

There seems to be quite a bit of advice from others like me who have been through the system with a DD . You will need to keep pushing with camhs,and I suggest keeping a file of notes, asking people to write to you when you have seen them and keep asking the names of everyone involved and notes about your daughters medical history, behaviour and current issues etd as you will probably repeat the story often. As said, via camhs she will talk to a psychologist first,(keep asking when the appointment will be if you are worried) who will refer on to a psychiatrist if medication is being considered. medication should only happen at her age alongside therapy but is worth considering. Fluoxetine and sertraline are the anti ds, normally prescribed as there are lot sof studies with teens. There are risks, but if you teen is very unwell and not responding to anyone, important to consider as they help a lot of people, incluidng my daughter short term. Camhs isnt perfect but all therapists are fully trained at dealing with teenage mental health issues. At the moment you are trying to help her understand why she feels as she does and work out the type of help she needs.

The teenage brain is still developing, so please just check out the training and experience of anyone you consider asking for help, if they are not mental health specialists. I would recommend trying to understand more about what help your Dd might respond to, maybe considering ed psych tests too, as quite a few girls reveal ASD traits at this age which adds to their stress. Something like youth access however, while you are waiting long for camhs, might help with a referral, as they will have links to camhs. Ideally you dont want your DD to have to keep starting with new people though. best of luck.

anthropology, thankyou so much for your understanding and advice.

I had the letter saying dd is on the wating list. The school subsequently rang them about 8 days ago saying they felt it was urgent, to put a bit of weight behind it.

She isn't much better and has been home for four weeks now. I will ring Camhs tomorrow, to see if they have any idea when she can be seen.

She has been having better days, but any progress can be set back considerably by doing to much. This can even be if she's come out on the car with me to the supermarket. It's so worrying.
She can't sleep, she looks just dreadful.

x

camhs say she will be seen mid march. she isn't high risk.

so tired. she seems to have had a few setbacks the last few days.

hi thanks for coming to my thread pipperoo.

i had no idea how difficult is would be to access help. that the help is there it great but i mean the time wait.

as adults we would struggle.

x

Gosh, I am so sorry you are going through this, if you can look after her at home, maybe the only positive of the wait could be that you use it to take off the pressure to go to school?
I've no idea if this is allowed but at least if you consider that until she commences treatment she is too unwell to go to school then that would be one less thing for you both to worry about.
Good luck and I hope you get the help you need soon.

thankyou hillyhilly.

the school are helping now that she has been referred.
it's like going up a level. i did think she would pull around by now, yet i can't be sure what a week today will bring.

she is desperate to feel well enough to go. the anxiety that comes with depression is complex and some days she seems better than others.
today wasn't a good day.

x

hi thankyou. still up and down, she gets so tired and very suddenly.
how are you ? x

I've come late to this thread but I wanted to let you know that my DD1 was in a similar state aged 12. She was assessed by CAMHS who picked up that she has Aspergers (very well masked and very high functioning so I took some convincing), put her on Sertraline to help manage her anxiety and she then had some much better adjustments made for her in school.

Five years down the line she has blossomed academically, is very happy and just choosing between five really good university offers.

If someone had told me this was her future when she was 12 I probably would have laughed at them. I didn't even think she would get any GCSEs at that stage. I just want you to know that, with the right support and treatment, your DD can come through this well.

Goldmandra,

i am really pleased that your dd was assessed correctly and has gone on to flourish.

this thread is for anyone to carry on sharing experiences at any time.

what were the traits that helped diagnose your daughters difficulties?

were they from an early age.

Her difficulties weren't very apparent. She was shy, didn't like parties or going on holiday much, didn't really like being in the playground at school. She was always an angel at school which is typical of girls with AS but we didn't know that and assumed she was OK.

Her real problems only started when she started High School and it was just too much to cope with. She started to refuse school and then, the more we tried to get her to go, the more anxious she became until she stopped even coming out of her bedroom. We had a wonderful CAMHS psychologist who recognised what was going on and that the root of it was school. He helped us arrange for her to have a safe place to go in school and some medication to reduce her anxiety enough that she could talk about her fears to CAMHS. She gradually started to be able to come out of her room, out of the house, to school and now she's in a lovely, really well run sixth form she is doing brilliantly.

That's a very potted history and there were some very tough times and her distress was horrific to watch. She used to hear imaginary people in the house and plead with us hysterically to make them go away. We felt so powerless to help her.

The outcome of it all is so much better than I ever believed possible. Nobody who meets her believes she has AS.

thankyou for sharing your story.
really touched me, so much so that i find i haven't got the right words to express, and i am not usually someone who can't think of what to say.
i have wondered about dd and aspergers, and now you have mentioned the high functioning type whether she fits any of the criteria.

yet she has always been very outgoing and happy at school. sociable and all that.

Goldmandra seems very fortunate to have a camhs psych who understood, as its often parents who try to get therapists to see the signs, as these bright, sensitive, well behaved girls mask their problems well . My DD has aspergers 'traits' but diagnosing girls in the UK is less common than boys, and signs can be different for girls and boys, and they can be very sociable. Very happy for Goldmandras DD. My daughter too is thriving and at the uni of her choice but needed to find her way there in a smaller school environment and by taking a year out of school. No-one also believes she has struggled so much . It might take some time Imjustahead, for your DD to understand and learn different coping strategies with your loving support and professional help, so I really would advise taking the pressure off with school. If they can send some work home, and she can do an hour or two a day great, its helpful to have some structure to those home days, but in the scheme of things, if she's struggling she wont be able to focus. As you say, its not that she doesnt want to go in, she can't as she is unwell and maybe going in and seeing how hard it is, might at the moment make things worse. Keep calling Camhs to bring forward the appointment and send them letters from school etc, and do ask them about the WISC4 tests...

Yes, we were very lucky to have that psychologist. He was brilliant and so was her educational psychologist. Without that stroke of luck DD1 would have been a lot worse off. As it was she missed a year of school and spent a good few months locked in her room, unable to talk to anyone but me. I dread to think what her outcome would have been if she hadn't been so lucky with those particular professionals.

Over the years, with both DDs, I have come across what is probably the best and the very worst of CAMHS practitioners and I've written more than one letter of complaint in that time. My DD2 is now on her 4th psychologist who is, thank goodness, another one who sees behind the mask and has taken several months to build a relationship with her. He's a keeper.

CAMHS is a bit of a lottery but the right clinicians can work wonders.

i am so worried about rushing her.
is it bad that i feel so frustrated with her albeit inside.
i had this idea in my head she would be much better for school on Monday.

i know school are ok with this, so what's my f ing problem.
how did your dd schools not pile pressure. were your schools ok with it?

feeling pretty down today and i know that sleep won't get seen for about three weeks.

i am off sick myself.

she not sleep.

though that seems an appropriate text fail.

DD1's school were awful. At one point they told me that, if she didn't go back in full time and attend all lesson from the following week, I would have to find another school for her. CAMHS stepped in on her behalf and told them to back off and, in fact, told us a few weeks later to tell her she didn't have to go back at all for the rest of the term because they were worried she was going to end up having to be admitted.

I would forget school for now and concentrate on finding ways to support her well-being. We were told off by CAMHS for withdrawing DD1's time with horses as a sanction for refusing to attend school. We then began to understand how important positive experiences were for supporting her emotional and mental well-being.

It isn't bad to feel frustrated. I felt just the same and only began to feel calmer about it when I began to understand how serious her difficulties were. At first I felt like she was throwing her whole life away just because she didn't feel like going to school. I just wanted her to go in, grit her teeth and get on with it like all her peers. These days I find it much easier to be understanding and supportive.

hi

i hope he continues to move forward pip.

i am using these threads as a lifeline at the moment. school tomorrow but she won't be going.
i wish she had that little more strength to go. if i mention it i am rushing her. i feel i am not being responsible if i don't.

catch 22