I think my 13 yr old has depression, what more can i do.

[imjustahead]

She has a history of illness, emotional and physical problems.

We went to the gp last summer after she had totally broken down for two weeks. Not speaking, crying, feeling empty and pointless etc...

At that time, told to give it time.

In the first term of school (yr8) she had one week off because of severe anxiety, and feelings like i described above. Saw GP, who said, yes anxiety, and gave us a sick note for school.
Two weeks ago she said the feelings are coming back. I gave it time, but took her back to gp (for once our regular gp) who suggested exercise, and online site living life to the full.
I did ask about anti depressants, mentioned Prozac but was told they could in fact cause suicidal thoughts. (I mentioned Prozac specifically as I read that it is the one that is preferred in young adults/children). So she said the exact opposite to what I had read.

The feelings stem, mainly from a long history of problems with her father (ex dh), who has never stepped up, or who has for a time then disappeared out of her life.
I just want to know what more i can do.

There is history of depression in our family, I was a depressed child and am very adamant my dd will not be left to flounder as i was.
I have had antidepressants in early 20's and they helped me so much.
I don't want dd to go on them, but who knows, they could be a real help.

She has had periods for two years now, and generally she has good friends, is lively, fun and bright. It breaks my heart to see her like this.

GP said, to come back in a month.

What more could be done through the NHS? GP said that in any case she (gp) wouldn't be allowed to prescribe any meds.
I read about Cambhs on here, and it never gets a good press.
Would they have to be invloved before dd gets assessed for ad's? I mean how much longer can this go on.

thankyou x

very quickly a thankyou. not the best day today but not as bad as yesterday.

still confused as to what to do next, when to do it or even whether to do anything.

i am trying to get her back to school tomorrow. i have written a note to each teacher to explain she has been off and to be aware coming back in is difficult.
i will with her to see the student service in the morning to say if she needs time out then she is to have it.

i am trying to reassure her with every scared thought she has about the day. i am hoping that maybe it turns out better than she is anticipating.
she is trying i can see that.

i will write more when i can. on phone as my laptop has broken since yesterday.

one thing. her dad wants nothing to do with her.
have tried many times over the yrs.
he hasnt done anything wrong
she is having a hard time accepting this attitude.

Hi OP.

Hope she got into school okay, and that she has a reasonable day.

I have already had mine on the phone. Her friend who came over last night, full of promises of support, and help with friendship issues has turned her back on her this morning. She is devastated. And of course its all my fault because I wont let her change schools (sigh). I have tried to say all the right things, but she wont or cant let herself listen to any type of conversation with me and DH that doesn't go how she wants it too.

I just keep telling myself to keep calm and carry on!

But its so hard watching your child suffer.

Be kind to yourself

Oh god so sorry whoremoanee about your DD and I agree that watching your child suffer is just so awful - their pain is our pain isn't it and we would rather we had it then them. Bloody girls and their friendships.....I honestly think boys have it better in this respect because they don't generally get into this falling and falling out business and cattiness of girls.

I agree that changing schools isn't the answer, because the problems will just follow your DD. But everything is going to be your fault isn't it while ever she's feeling like this. I was on another thread yesterday about another young person who sounds similar and wants everything to go her way. She makes demands of her parents and the latest one is that she wants a puppy and they have got her one!

Sometimes I think (easy for me to say I know) that as parents we have to give our kids tough love as in not pussy footing around them so much and letting them know how their behaviour is affecting us. My son in his teens suffered from depression and had to give up Uni and it was all so difficult but he came through it all, and is now in his 40s.......but he is still much more emotionally fragile than his brothers.

And YES be kind to yourself.........definitely x

WhoremoaneeGrainger.

thankyou.
she is in today via talking lots about every problem she might encounter and speaking to student support together at 8.00 this morning.
walking away from her was sad but i kept walking.

i did pm you yesterday not sure you got that?

how is your dd now has she come home ?

let me know how it goes. i will check back.
x x

Regular poster here; have NC'd.

It does sound like your DD is depressed.
My DD (now 18) suffered anxiety and depression which seemed to start at round about age 14.
To cut a long story short, we've had a horrific time (very serious self harm, extreme eating disorders) and without anti-depressants I do wonder where we'd be now. If I were you I would press for medication if you are worried.
Also, I would recommend liquid magnesium for anxiety.

For us there were so so many people: A&E and other hospital doctors and nurses, emergency psychiatrists, regular child psychiatrists, GPs, therapists, psych nurses... as well as pastoral care teachers, head of year etc. to whom we had to keep repeating DDs situation and history. She hated it, and hated being forced to discuss her thoughts and feelings with people whom she didn't know well, and that she didn't feel cared for or even liked her. talking therapy di nothing for her.

She started on 20mg of fluoxetine, which did help a bit, but it was only a year later (with continued self harm and acute episodes) that her dosage was doubled and she finally started to get on with life a be happier, as she is now. This has the knock on effect of her joining clubs, making new friends etc. , which in turn has helped her happiness levels enormously.

My thoughts on the suicide link with anti depressants are that firstly, this side effect (if it truly is one) is extremely rare. Secondly, this effect could well have been be down to the fact that the patients taking it were at such a low point already that this may have been coincidental.
Thirdly, in my DDs case at least, it would have been a bigger danger for her not to have had medication.

Good luck, op, I hope your daughter gets the help she needs.

Best wishes to you and your daughter.

thecomfortofstrangers

thankyou for sharing your story. it really touched me and it sounded so familiar in many ways.
the back and forth, different people involved. (as i mentioned my dd has had mental and physical problems which have all had to be explored)
i wish you all the best.

since i was last on the thread my dd went downhill again yesterday.
i had a conversation with school and another with gp in is now doing dd a referral.

chokbit

thanks

Hi

I'm so glad you got a referral. CAMHS were completely life changing for my DD. Through a combination of meds and CBT she copes so much better with life now. She still feels the anxiety and the lows but they don't overwhelm her. I used to feel she was suffering all the time, now she is happy and relaxed the vast majority of the time.

Good luck, PM me if you have any questions.

Ps my dd was put on Sertraline and had absolutely no side effects whatsoever. They did keep a very close eye on he to start with but thankfully it worked out very well.

I apologise if this gets anyones back up, but (not you op) I don't understand why if your child felt that changing schools would help, you wouldn't at least investigate it?
I realise that as adults we know that it is unlikely to be the answer but to a teenager it would take the actuality to come to that realisation.
The main thing though is to show that you support your depressed teen.
My parents spent my adolescence

Not supporting me, telling me that my ideas were stupid and that I had no clue.
Surprisingly that didn't help.
Love and support are what is needed in these situations.

Would you consider seeing a hypnotherapist with her?

Arabella The thing is about depression and anxiety is that it's a natural thing for us to think (depressed adults) as well as teenagers, that we want to "get away from it all" and many adults with MH problems talk of just wanting to drive/run away from everything.....

I think this yp really does believe that a change of school is the answer but I don't think it is because she would be faced with a massive amount of others her age who she didn't know at all, new routines, teachers, even finding her way around the school if it's a big comp. Also by year 8 friendship groups will already be formed and this new yp is going to stand out like a sore thumb. This would be the case if she had no problems at all, but for this yp I think it would be a disaster and it wouldn't be long before she was refusing to go to school again.

I have worked a lot with young people in the past and refusal to go to school is a common problem. The thing is these yp just "can't face the day" and as an adult sufferer of intermittent depression I know that feeling oh so well, as do many other people with MH problems. Sometimes it can be a major effort to get from under the duvet. I don't claim to have the answers at all, as this yp needs to complete her education, but changing schools isn't the answer. I think she might be thinking that no one will know she has problems at the new school and it will provide a "fresh start" but I don't believe in "fresh starts" - we can't just leave our past behind, would that we could.

How awful for you that you didn't get the love and support you needed from your parents. Hope life is better for you now.

No, I am still plagued with anxiety. And I did say that even the investigation of the idea, might be enough to make someone feel supported.
Rather than just saying 'no, that isn't going to be an option.
Tough love led me to some really bad decisions in my life, all because I thought that I wasnt allowed to ' be ill'.

Emily, i have never considered a hypno therapist.

I have no experience of them, do you?

dd doesn't want to go to school. i don't want to push her, i don't want her to live in fear.

wtf do i do. :(

just coming back to my thread to check in.
dd isn't well enough today.
i am resigned to it, taking time that is.
how is everyone?

Is there a youth counselling service in your area? They often offer up to 6 months of therapy for free and you can refer your DD yourself. There are waiting lists so it's worth putting her name down so she has that as an option to consider.
Good luck

i am not 100% sure of that.
i have talked to my gp in recent times about what is available in our area for this age but apart from school counselling, which she has had only CAMHS came up.

i am not sure it would be the best to try two organisations until i know what comes of this referral iyswim.

will look it up tho thankyou for the suggestion.

I have PM'ed you, Imjustahead. xx

She needs a referral to a psychiatrist really.

A GP should not be prescribing anti depressants to anyone that young. Prozac is very strongly linked to suicide in young people and isn't recommended without proper medical supervision.

That said it can be hugely helpful and even life changing if prescribed correctly.

hopefully the referral to CAMHS will point us towards the right professional.

It will imjustahead - DD has a counsellor and a psychiatrist that she sees separately and together all through CAMHS - they will have access to everything she needs.