Dad keeps falling out of bed

[Ozgirl76]

My mum is caring for my dad at home, he has terminal cancer. He is very very frail and weak and he has a bed downstairs. He has fallen out of this bed twice now (about a week apart). My mum is upstairs.
What have other people done in this situation? They have a ring camera but my mum says it goes off constantly because it activates every time he moves and she gets no sleep.

I feel like it’s time to pay a nurse to do the night shift just in case it happens again, and to give my mum peace of mind that she can sleep and know she’ll get a full night.

She seems a little reluctant and I wondered if there was a half way measure that anyone has found?

Message from MNHQ: Please read the OP's sad update today at 00:27 before responding - the thread has moved on since the OP first posted. We send our deepest sympathies to you and your family, OP. Thinking of you at this sad time.

Could you get help from social services? They could put a carer/nurse in at night. Bed rails or a mattress on the floor to cushion any potential falls
Would a baby monitor work?

We used a bed rail meant for a child in this situation.

I'm sorry to hear this lovely. My mum had a similar situation including the lack of sleep, that in itself is bad for her physical and mental health and will get very wearing even if she doesn't admit that yet.
We were at the point of getting a pendant where you press the button and someone can come out and get them back into bed. We also explored getting a night nurse and like your mum, mine was also reluctant about this but it's a good idea, and helps to keep him at home if this is the preference.
Remember for all of you it can be good to have someone to speak to for practical advice and emotional support so if you're not already in touch with a carers charity and/or Macmillan it would be good to reach out to them x

Is he mentally aware enough to talk about why he falls? Is he trying to reach something or do something that is physically too much for him or is it happening in his sleep?

Foam bumpers like this https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0DPCXHPMJ/ placed under the undersheet will stop him from rolling out by accident but if he is actively trying to get out then having thr mattress on the floor may be safer.

Thank you so much - I posted this in chat too but I hoped that there would be people who had gone through it here.

i have also suggested a baby monitor. I guess my thought is, this is took much for my mum to be caring all day and then awake or on tenterhooks all night too. She is also 80 and although she’s in good health, I can imagine this deteriorating quite quickly if she’s up half the night.

I’ll talk to MacMillan myself on Monday and see what they suggest. Sadly she says they haven’t been all that helpful at all so far, just suggesting more and more medication which turned him into a zombie.

Yes, he’s getting tangled up when he’s getting up to go to the loo. He is pretty ok mentally but he does get confused in the night because he’s on and off sleeping all the time so I think “night” means less to him!

OP, if he is terminally ill, can’t he get a hospital bed with rails? When DD’s FIL was terminally ill with cancer, he had such a bed, principally because it was higher and therefore easier for the carers, but it is possible to get one.

sounds like he could benefit from a hospital bed with rails at the side. This can be provided free from the nhs

Mum thinks if he has rails though he won’t be able to get out of bed for the loo in the night.

In that case he needs to accept that he isn't well enough to go to the loo on his own. That's going to be a really difficult thing to accept and I think you need to talk to Macmillan or a local Hospice at Home charity to help him accept this and get an appropriate setup to get him through the night.

He knows he's dying and you need to talk with him about how to make sure he has a good death, and leave his wife with positive memories and the best chance of finding peace as she grieves him. Talk to him quite frankly about how that aim will not be served if your mum has to deal with him dying sprawled on the floor after another fall. He will hate the sacrifice of his independence but he needs to think about the distressing consequences of what it will mean if he keeps clinging to that independence for longer than he can manage it.

This needs to be assessed by a professional.
Contact community health services.
Do you have nurses visiting.
If so ask them or via GP.
All the best.

Yes that is my big fear. We picture him drifting slowly away peacefully but I’m fearing him bleeding to death on the bathroom floor.

Could the doctor or occupational therapist get a commode or bottle for night time? Would Marie curie be able to help? Second a hospital bed or bed guards x

I’ll talk to mum and see who has been the most useful and speak to them about what we can do here.

Id call 111 if he fell last night, or the GP on Monday. Get an urgent referral to the community palliative care team. They need to talk to all of you so that you can come up with some solutions together. There are some potential options but it’s usually quite personalised as to what will work. If your Mum seems reluctant at any big change and you are keen, say that it’s just a temporary thing to try.

Is the community palliative care team the number one group we should be referred to here? They seem to have had a kind of mish mash of people coming in (local Dr, nurse as he has some dressings that need changing once a week, woman who came and spoke to them about things like hand rails) but there doesn’t seem to be one specific person who kind of heads it up. They aren’t abandoned or anything, it’s more that none of us are ever really sure who our “go to” person should be.

Would a pressure mat would help?

My mother's care home used these routinely to alert carers when someone frail had got out of their bed/chair. You put it on the floor by the side of the bed so your mother would only be alerted when he actually stepped (or fell) on it.

I'm not recommending this particular one, but this is an example of what I mean

https://www.medicalsupplies.co.uk/treadnought-hybrid-nurse-call-system-floor-sensor-mat.html

Exactly. He's in denial about the likely outcome of his current choices. It's a horrible situation for all of you and I hope you can get some support to create a better environment for his final stage of his life.

Speak to Care and Repair or your local Age UK they’ll have advice for people who have had the same situation 😊

Yes speak to palliative care. They should be able to send someone out to assess his needs within a day or two. Be firm.

Thank you so much for everyone’s advice, I really appreciate it so much.

Sorry, I’m not sure how all this works but would a hospice be an option for a short while, for some respite for your mum at least?
a relative had a terminal
diagnosis and over the course of a year he spent a few weeks on and off in a hospice, primarily to try and get his pain management under control but also to give his wife some respite. He did also have a hospital bed at home that had bed guards.
Sorry you’re going through this and sending good wishes that you are able to sort something out for him.

Please do no use bed rails - they are no longer used in these situations as they could cause more issues than just falling out of bed. Make sure his bed is against the wall on one side and put an alarm mat on the floor on the other side. Regarding your DM, is there someone who can sit with your DF in the daytime so that she can have a long nap in the afternoon?

Your social services maybe able to provide you with a Matt that goes under them on the bed, Which alerts you if they get of the bed and don't return within a certain amount of time. We have one for my parent.

Hire an adjustable hospital bed.
It goes higher and lower and the rails easily fold down.
Use a red light and baby monitor.

There are buzzers that your DF could wear to alert your DM.
Contact home nursing care or hospital etc