82 year old mum who refuses to accept any dietary advice relating to her condition

[Angel1957]

My mum has recently fallen out with my sister who had refused to buy mum large packs of yogurts because that’s the only thing she would eat all day. Some back story, mum has been diabetic for over 20 years but at the age of 82 she has recently fallen and broken her hip which has left her unable to get out of her flat. Previous to this mum would do her own shopping. My sister and I are now doing her shopping and have refused to buy what mum calls her treats - muller light yogurts, toffee popcorn and packs of magnums to name but a few. Sister has gone on holiday so now down to me - mum rang me with shopping list earlier which included, 16 Yogurts, 3 packs of toffee popcorn and 2 x 4 packs of milk chocolate magnums. I have expressed my concern to mum about these ‘treats’ as I know she would live on these and not eat any nutritious food. I told her she was putting me in a difficult position as I know my sister refuses to fetch her this kind of stuff. All mum says is i’ve Been eating this stuff all along and i’m still here. When I point out that she is very frail, always throwing up, constantly falling (resulting in the broken hip) etc. She dismisses it all and says it’s her life and she should be able to eat what she likes. Other people’s views would be much appreciated. Health Professionals have spoken to her but to no avail.

I’d let her get on with it.

If you're doing the shopping I wouldn't buy them - if you do then you're complicit in her damaging her health. All that crap is packed with sugar. I'd see if I could find her sugar-free or diabetic versions and get her those instead. Otherwise, she can find some other mug to do her shopping, but make her understand that you're not going to help her to kill herself. Doesn't she understand about the risks of gangrene and limb loss as a result of badly managed diabetes?

She is 82, if she wants to eat yoghurts let her!

My mum is diabetic , among her many other issues and she eats whatever she wants , her diabetic control and HbA1c result are pretty good . I’d just get her what she wants .

The woman is 82 years old! If she wants to eat an ice cream or a yoghurt I think she’s old enough to decide.

I don’t agree with not getting her the shopping she asked for as your sister doesn't agree with her food choices, she is an adult not a bloody child!

When our diabetic great aunt died we found drawers full of Mars Bars etc. we had no idea, she died following a series of strokes. I would not buy crap for Mum, but you have to accept if she chooses to dig her grave with a knife and fork there is little you can do about it.

it’s her life and she should be able to eat what she likes.

Which is entirely true. She’s 82 for goodness sake let her eat what she wants.

Greek yoghurt is fine for diabetics, the toffee stuff not. Can you show her the info on Diabetes UK as it is very informative ?

She's 82, trapped in her flat and it is her life. If I was her I'd be furious about this. Would she be able to learn how to do online ordering for herself? Does she have/use IT? You could set her up an account so she can get whatever she wants without anyone else having to be involved.

Free will, its her choice (hard as that is)

As she has managed to control her diabetes for 20 years I am sure she is capable of making her own decisions!

There is a fine line between caring/helpfulness and patronising.

Can you ask the doctors to prescribe some fortisips or something? They’re milkshakes full of calories and are full of all the viatamins she needs. Could maybe make you worry less about her eating nutritionally then?

If I make it to 82, and am a bit frail, I'm going to enjoy my last few years! I'll eat what I like.

Leave her be.

Get her some tasty alternatives as well, ask her to think about switching over, but let her be.

Sorry, it sounded really patronising when I said 'would she be able to learn to do online ordering'. I was just trying to take into account not everyone has it or is familiar with it.

I can't imagine the frustration of living an independent life, then getting to the point where I have to reliy on someone else and they won't get what I want.

My Granmother in her 90’s enjoyed sherry every evening...we didnt stop her, but she varied her diet.
Have you considered one of the delivery firms like Wiltshire Farm Food deliveries as they make readymeals but include vegetables, and have all sorts of variations such as low calorie, straight forward normal foods, and soft and purreed, and she can choose her own menus. Order her some info, all goes in the microwave I think, and they have sweet and savoury. (I dont work for them )

Grandmother.....apologies for all of the spelling (typing) mistakes

I think you can only advise if ur thoughts and should buy her what she wants. She is 82 and plenty old enough to make her own decisions on her diet.

My grandmother was a lifelong smoker and in her last years had leg ulcers as a result of atherosclerosis caused (and directly affected) by her ongoing smoking. She cut down a lot but couldn't quit completely.

I couldn't grasp why she was doing something which had a dramatic real-time impact on her health - I was petrified that she would get an infection and die. On a couple of hospital admissions where she wasn't able to smoke, her ulcers healed - when she came out and smoked her skin broke down again. It was immensely frustrating and we argued, and she rationed her smoking as a result.

I was an arsehole, to be blunt. The smoking made her happy, she was of sound mind and had free will whether I agreed or not with her decision. She was of the view that she was housebound and unwell and had little time left, so she might as well enjoy it. I should have expressed my worries (and love) to her but then backed off and left her to live her life and take risks as she wished - so that's my advice to you.

I agree that you should let her get on with it. It is heartbreaking to watch bad decision making but you are more likely to get her to decide herself to tweak or change her habits by keeping a bond with her.
I know because I've been through it.

Really torn between doing that and recognising that I agree with my sisters stance. Basically, mum is saying that, let me be.

It's understandable you feel conflicted, it's a very hard, horrible situation to deal with.
Most people that age don't eat huge amounts - is it likely she's only having a little bit at a time rather than troughing a whole bag of toffee popcorn at once? If so, that's a positive. She's probably feeling the need to stockpile because she knows it's forbidden fruit.
Sorry you're both going through this.
I still think it's got to be her choice.

Thank you for all your comments and advice, I am really torn, part of me is in total agreement with my sister that we should monitor what she eats and promote healthy eating and the other half of me thinks she’s 82, totally house bound, if food Is what she gets enjoyment from then let her eat what she wants. She isn’t computer literate and doesn’t own a c9mputer, mobile phone or tablet otherwise I would take her through the process of shopping online. We’ve also talked about having meals delivered but she’s dismissed that idea.

Believe me, she’s not stockpiling, she ate 10 yogurts in one day recently, 4 bananas and a large bag of toffee popcorn (sometimes she gets a neighbour to shop for her) and then eats the lot. So no, it’s not a daily occurrence so it might be that if it’s there she’ll eat it and I agree if it wasn’t seen as forbidden she might eat less of that stuff.

My mum is like this. Much younger (70) but diabetic and survived on Mcflurries and cake. She's alwsys complaining of aches and pains, has industrial quantities of Radox in the house and can't go out anywhere without having to go to bed afterwards. It's utterly pointless moaning about it. IMO your mum has done well to get to 82
If she won't eat ready meals she won't eat anything if you don't get her what she wants. You have to weigh it up I suppose.