82 year old mum who refuses to accept any dietary advice relating to her condition

[Angel1957]

My mum has recently fallen out with my sister who had refused to buy mum large packs of yogurts because that’s the only thing she would eat all day. Some back story, mum has been diabetic for over 20 years but at the age of 82 she has recently fallen and broken her hip which has left her unable to get out of her flat. Previous to this mum would do her own shopping. My sister and I are now doing her shopping and have refused to buy what mum calls her treats - muller light yogurts, toffee popcorn and packs of magnums to name but a few. Sister has gone on holiday so now down to me - mum rang me with shopping list earlier which included, 16 Yogurts, 3 packs of toffee popcorn and 2 x 4 packs of milk chocolate magnums. I have expressed my concern to mum about these ‘treats’ as I know she would live on these and not eat any nutritious food. I told her she was putting me in a difficult position as I know my sister refuses to fetch her this kind of stuff. All mum says is i’ve Been eating this stuff all along and i’m still here. When I point out that she is very frail, always throwing up, constantly falling (resulting in the broken hip) etc. She dismisses it all and says it’s her life and she should be able to eat what she likes. Other people’s views would be much appreciated. Health Professionals have spoken to her but to no avail.

She might enjoy them but it’s binge eating that’s not good at all

lifechangesforever

....we want them to live as long as possible....

Well, that's what you want. What do they want, if living as long as possible means that they can't eat what they enjoy?

On a more practical level OP, would you be able to deliver smaller quantities at a time? So she would still be able to eat what she has requested but not get the chance to eat 16 yogurts in a day?

So she would still be able to eat what she has requested but not get the chance to eat 16 yogurts in a day?

She is a grown adult at 82 who can make that decision for herself. Its not ops job to police what she eats. When you become elderly you dont revert to being a child who has to be told what they can and cant do.

Oh this post is giving me the rage.

You have absolutely no right at all to dictate to your mother what she can and can't eat. The woman is an adult with, presumably, no difficulties making decisions for herself. If you suspect her capability to make decisions is compromised, take her to see a GP otherwise, this is MASSIVELY crossing a line into abuse territory and it needs to stop immediately.

I understand you're concerned and you care about her health, but at 83 her decision to eat the way she is is not going to have a long term impact on her health, she's 83. If her diabetes is under control when she eats her favoured diet there is no immediate risk to her health. This is going to completely disrupt her relationship with her daughters in the remaining years of her life because she's going to resent you and your sister until she dies for being so controlling and treating her like a child if it continues.

Look at this from her perspective: Previously independent, suddenly she's stripped of that independence and instead of making that horrific transition as easy as possible for her, her daughters are using it as an opportunity to patronise and control her. Just awful.

Please stop it.

Agree with the above in that it does seem to cross into abuse teritory sadly. If your mother is of sounds mind and has no dols order in place then you have no right to restrict her requests.

This is not a tricky ethical conundrum.
You are attempting to control your mother as if she was a toddler. I'm sure it's coming from good intentions but it's a form of abuse to impose your judgement of what is appropriate on another adult.

Honestly, just pause and think how you would feel if your diet was being constantly judged day in day out never mind being denied to exercise your own free will.

Let it go and support her.

How would you feel if your partner restricted the food that you eat? You'd be pretty pissed off. Don't think because she's elderly she hasn't got the same independent autonomy that you do.

As hard as it is, it's not yours nor your sisters place to police what your mother eats if she still has capacity. It's crossing the line into elder abuse.
Your mother is entitled to make choices, even if you think these are the wrong choices.
My MIL suffered from diabetes, congestive heart disease and dementia when she died aged 93. Right up to the end, she told me what she wanted to eat, I never told her what she was allowed. She also had 3 cigarettes per day which I had to hold for her in between puffs. Her GP and the district nurses agreed that it was the right thing to do.
Stop treating your mother like a child who needs controlling