Waiting for Breast Biopsy results and really down!

[Maisy7]

I've recently found a lump in one breast. I went to GP, then 10 days later hospital for Mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy. I go back on the 10th Sept for results. I've already decided that I don't want surgery, or treatment.
My Dad passed away 8 months ago after awful cancer treatment over many years and tbh I really don't want to do that.
I'm 61. I'm single, lonely, feel so unloved. I did have a good life up until a few years ago. I'm not poor, but live remotely...so don't see friends very often. Made a few bad decisions and moved to the countryside from very convenient Berkhsire town in 2021. So basically wouldn't have the energy to move back. I don't like the world we live in now.

So to top it all if I have cancer I really don't want to go through this treatment alone or put it on my Mum. She's had enough to deal with. My adult daughter, has a big job, married, and I certainly wouldn't put it on her. She's never forgiven me for divorcing her Father so we aren't very close. What a sad existence. But I was happy a long time ago!!

I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP. It’s scary, terrifying actually, and I’ve been through it twice. My hope for you is that this is just a little hiccup in your life and you come out on the other side with a new lease on life. 🌷

I can fully understand how world weary you are and I haven't had your physical problems but I do understand the ennui at our age.

My mother spent all her life terrified of cancer. She developed breast cancer in her 60s and I thought she would refuse treatment but she didn't. She had a lumpectomy and radiotherapy and sailed through it all. She joined the hospital support group which gave her some much needed company and friendship and she had a wonderful support nurse.

I really hope you don't have cancer but if you do, please consider treatment. I wish you well. Xx

I think it depends what they find.
I got breast cancer at 61.

It's true the treatment wasn't easy but it was 9 months of my life in 2019 and I seldom even give it a thought now.
If the cancer is early and hasn't spread it's completely treatable.

If it's spread that's a whole different consideration and treatment is purely to prolong life.
This waiting for results is by far the worst part. You are confronting your own mortality. Once you have an actual diagnosis and plan it's far easier to bear.
Don't give up yet @Maisy7 .

@Maisy7

Just reading your words is hard and makes me feel sad for you. For your suffering. So that means that I and others, who are perfect strangers to you, must care about you. You matter.

I’m a similar age, alone and have health issues and I also sometimes feel despair at the state of the world.

But despair and passivity is easy.
I tell myself this; when the world is going through dark times, that is when decent people are needed. If we can fight in small ways that’s great, but even if we can’t fight, just the presence of decent people makes a difference. You are that decent person, who matters . You are another candle flame lighting the darkness. Protect your flame

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. ❤️ After everything you watched your Dad endure, I can completely understand why you feel frightened and why the thought of treatment feels unbearable.
But please try not to make any decisions yet. You haven’t even had your results, and if it is cancer, there may be treatments that are very different from what your Dad went through. You deserve to hear what the doctors have to say and what your options are before deciding.
What worries me most reading your post is how alone and unloved you feel. Please don’t believe that you are a burden to your Mum or your daughter. Sometimes we need the people we love, and allowing them to be there for us isn’t selfish.
You sound heartbroken and exhausted, rather than someone who has nothing left to live for. You said yourself that you had a good life once, and that means you know what happiness feels like. Maybe there can still be another chapter, even if life looks very different now.
For now, just get yourself to the 10th September. One day, one appointment, one piece of information at a time. ❤️ You don’t have to face the whole future today.
You deserve support through this.

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I'm feeling a bit stronger today..keeping busy and in touch with family, so I do feel more supported and less alone. I'm very nervous about Thursday, but will keep busy until then.

When I had breast cancer they did the mammogram and biopsy and told me they were 95% certain it was cancer. I wonder whether they gave you a clue?
On Thursday when you go it would be really helpful if you had someone with you but if you can't bring yourself to ask your DD don't worry. On the day I got the results I was told by the breast surgeon and then taken to a room by a Macmillan nurse. She was incredibly kind and talked me through. At that stage there were still more tests needed to decide exactly what treatment would be needed but they had a general idea. Of course you don't take it all in, that's why it's useful having someone else there. However I was given a direct line number to ring the breast nurse with any questions. She then rang me the next day to see how I was and answer any questions.
I had a lumpectomy a few weeks later. Then 12 weeks of chemotherapy then three weeks of radiotherapy. All this took six months or so. The chemotherapy was the hardest but it wasn't that bad. That was it apart from five years of annual mammograms.
Remember all cancers are different and not all will be like your dad.
One thing that was really helpful for me was the very long running cancer thread on MN. I made some real friends on their, lots of people going through the same thing and someone to chat to day and night. Also somewhere to say things you wouldn't say to loved ones.
My son's were in their early 20s and I delayed telling them for a while. This was a mistake and they were unhappy that I'd kept it from them. My mum was still alive but died just after my treatment. It was hard on her but she got to know I had the all clear.

I’m glad you’re feeling more upbeat today; please give yourself some treats this week, whatever that is for you, and know that we’re wishing you the very best.

@TheHawk

The nurses who took the ultrasound and biopsy, said that it was suspicious and that it wasn't a cyst. They said it was about 2 cm and had been caught early but couldn't confirm what it was yet. But will see me on the 10th to get the results and run through what the treatment plan would be. So no they didn't confirm. I think that's why it's so worrying not knowing for sure.
I'm hoping it's good news, benign, but preparing myself for what she implied, which is they may want to remove the lump.

@Maisy7 . Did you get your results . Hope it was good news. If not there is lots of support on the breast cancer thread , please join if needed. I am a similar age and got a diagnosis of grade 2 idc cancer with 2 tumours and had a Mastectomy in July . I am now awaiting Radiotherapy as it unfortunately had spread to a lymph node although this was removed so now cancer free so all my treatment is now preventative and to ensure it is still not hiding in any cells
i know the whole process looks scary but please don’t dismiss treatment. breast cancer is very treatable if caught early and depending on your oncotype score you may even avoid chemotherapy . It is a tough time but there is a lot of support available
Wishing you best of luck

Hi OP,
I hope you've got your results by now.
I just wanted to say that treatment can be very straightforward, and even when it is not, it is temporary.
I was diagnosed at 39. 6 months of surgery + chemo + radiotherapy, now hormone therapy.
Then three years later they found another ultra rare unrelated tumour. More surgery.

Yet my life today is better than before all this happened. Maybe this whole thing has woken me up and taught me to enjoy this precious life. I don't know. But life is good, and cancer treatment was just a blip.

Wishing you the very best.

I hope you are ok. If it is cancer it is highly likely to be a very different experience to your Dad’s. I am the same age as you but got cancer in 2017. Lumpectomy and radio. Done and dusted from March (the first sign) to November (radio finished). The worst bit was waiting for results. Don’t refuse treatment - if it is bc then most have a proven and effective treatment plan. Your mum and daughter want you in their lives. Is there any way you can move back to your previous town or a less rural environment?

Morning all,
@Puravida23 Thank you for your message, I read last night but too late to reply. Yes I was told on the 10th when I went to get my results. It was confirmed. I have Invasive Duct, I only know size and grade, Stage 1 18mm and Grade 3, I opted for lumpectomy and surgery first...as to be honest the words chemo/immunotherapy after watching what my Dad went through...was just too much and I think I was emotionally overwhelmed. I'm going to talk it through as have some questions to ask the Breast Cancer nurse tomorrow.
TBH I'm very scared, and not sure I want to go through this atm. Thank you so much for your supportive words. I have been reading lots and watched an amazing video on youtube by Dr Liz O'rioddan (I think may have got spelling wrong).
I think I will more comfortable when I know what my HER2, ER, PR results and Oncotype score is. So I'm going to let the nurse know on Monday so they can discuss what is best. They have booked my surgery for October 19th so gives me time to get my head round it all and prepare. I live on my own in a very remote village, so already isolated not great for a single woman with cancer. Fortunately I do have supportive family and friends, I just have to find a way to cope. Have a great Sunday and good luck with your ongoing treatment.

@KentishMama Thank you so much for your support...that's alot at 39, I've had many knocks over the past few years and so I think my heart/head isn't in the right place....need to find my "why", life is precious. Saying it was just a blip is a fantastic way of looking at this horrid process to being cancer free. xx

@Pippatpip
Thank you so much for your message and support and asking if I'm okay. I'm not really, but getting there. Just getting through each hour/day atm.

I think I was in such shock and so overwhelmed by it all, and when you've been knocked a few times...it's hard to just keep getting back up and taking more, but I will find my strength.
Yes....looking at all options, a very good gf yesterday suggested I moved to her for the treatment after surgery...I think I just want to get through that first, my daughter will be with me for that and stay with me, until she knows I'm okay. I do have local friends/neighbours, so I will see how best I can manage...but don't think it's going to be easy.

Lots of prep to do before surgery...

Thank you all so much it makes such a difference knowing there are people who have also gone through so much and can give comfort and advice.

Taking it one step at a time is absolutely the way to go. And realistically, until full pathology results are back after surgery, any treatment plans stay quite fluid.

For what it's worth, I had a lumpectomy with partial axillary node clearance, and the recovery wasn't that bad. Not a lot of pain - and I felt pretty human again within a couple of weeks. I did need help for the first few days, but mainly because lying around so much messed with my blood pressure, so I needed someone nearby in case I got dizzy when I tried to get up. But that's a very typical issue for me.

So, get that out of the way. And then deal with the rest.

Recovery from the lumpectomy is ok. I was in a cafe the next day. Do the arm exercises religiously. I went on holiday three weeks after and was back at work four weeks later though the doors were really heavy! I had the same as you and it is doable with blips and ups and downs but you are a woman of substance and can do this. Lean into all the help given. One thing - you do find out who your friends are when you have cancer.