Supporting a friend with stage 4 cervical cancer

[IndigoBluey]

my dear friend is having a very painful time with cervical cancer that has spread rapidly. She is in a great deal of pain daily but has had a bit of light with some powerful post chemo drugs. I have been trying to learn as much as I can but ultimately she is on a very powerful treatment plan.

we talked often, when she is up it but I feel very helpless. An emotion I’m sure is well know and recognised here.

I am looking for ways to support her as best as I can (we have been close friends for 10 years). She does have full family support and lives 5 hours away but I’d easily be able to drive to her to visit on a whim when she is ready. Meantime, I just feel a bit helpless and I would like to send some nice things to her house but I’m wondering if this sounds crass. My thoughts were - things that can keep her occupied during the chemo hours, she likes to read and do puzzles. I’d like to buy her some nice wind down things to help
with her sleeping but I don’t know if bath bubbles and oils and such like are even allowed.

so I would be very grateful for any advice and suggestions please.
she doesn’t need house clean or food prep.

A lovely blanket/throw. I spent a ridiculous amount of time fatigued and on my bed/sofa.

I also found receiving cards from friends who didn't live close and messages (add in no response required - just thinking of them). A lovely friend who lived away sent me books to read and would message me songs from our gigging/festival days.

I reacted to perfumed goods but my skin was knackered - you could try sourcing products that are less likely to react. My siblings spent a fortune on a Aveeno body wash for me.

Its a hard balance of wanting to help but not become another drain on their energy reserves.

Follow her lead, some people like to talk about it, others just want to live as normal, and not be defined by it.

Suggestions as to what to get include adult colouring books (and felt tip pens), books (maybe short stories as concentration can dip), puzzle books, etc.

Just be present, that’s the biggest thing that’s helped my friend with cancer. Sadly so many people she thought were friends have disappeared from her life.

Agree that things like a cozy blanket, candles etc have been lovely, I got so many flowers when we first told people it was quite overwhelming, and my taste buds have changed and I don’t want chocolate or biscuits. I have had friends bring me food to stick the freezer, that helped, I had one arrange a cleaner the week before Christmas - that was awesome.
Staying present is the best thing, I have friends who have made a real effort to message regularly, sometimes with silly videos, sometimes just a catch up of what they are up to. That has been really helpful.
what I’ve struggled with is people saying ‘tell me if you need anything’, I just know I won’t although I really appreciate the thought.