Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

[Earlandmrsgrey]

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

I am so sorry that you are facing this.
Please share this with your Mum as soon as you can , she will want to know , you are her daughter .
My Mum and brother in law had pancreatic cancer, my father in law had it 40 years ago and he is alive and well at 95 years old.
Wishing you lots of strength and love .

Thank you everyone for such kind and supportive messages. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost someone special.

It was a long day yesterday and I need to go back in again in a few minutes to see a consultant.

The scan reports are confusing. There is a very large abdominal mass pressing against my organs on the left hand side but they aren't sure what it is that it's attached to. It may not be the kidney and it may not be the pancreas. They will have to do biopsies to confirm what it is.

I'm feeling more hopeful but still so scared.

I'll be back later to update you all.

Thinking of you @Earlandmrsgrey this morning. I hope the talk with the consultant gives more infoX

Thanks for the update OP, thinking of you as you go back today.

And sending turbo/assisted vibes.

No advice but thinking of you and hoping for a good outcome today

Sending positive thoughts your way. An auntie (many years ago) had pancreatic cancer, I’ll be thinking of you.

Sending hugs and positive thoughts

Thinking of you and sending positive vibes.

Try and get a referral to the royal marsden
if not make sure that you are in a regional cancer centre and not a local hospital

Sending you positivity and will say a prayer for you 💖

Remember breathe in courage and breathe out fear...

This mantra has helped me when life has got hard!
Xx

Just a hand across the ether. Hoping your consultant is good and that you can find more support - maybe a Maggies Centre?

Hope today brings you some more certain answers @Earlandmrsgrey

Sending love and supportive virtual hugs xx

Wishing you the very best, op. May the doctors act with haste and bring you back to full health

You sound like a lovely daughter. I pray that you will be ok. 🥺❤️

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. You sound like you have a similar personality to me, so I completely get it 😔

It sounds like you are quite unwell but hard as it is try not to think the worse until all the tests are complete. In the meantime I would be honest with you husband, sons and mother. This is too heavy a burden to carry alone.

I hope that it is not pancreatic cancer and something easier to treat. Either way I wish you well xx

Sending you a heartfelt hug. The waiting is hard

Hold onto that feeling of hope.

Sending you good wishes for today

Thinking of you @Earlandmrsgrey and sending hopeful thoughts.

Hoping it turns out to be something more treatable and they can remove it.

Wishing you well OP. Prayers and hugs for some positive news today x

Thinking of you 🥰

I’m keeping everything crossed for you x

Sending positivity and strength

Right, so now we wait. There's a pesky Bank Holiday on Monday which means I'll have to wait until the following Monday for them to have their MDT meeting. Nothing to be done in the meantime except another CT but of the lungs this time as I have been feeling that I can't fill my left lung completely.

They're not 100% sure but they think it is a large gastrointestinal stromal tumour (GIST). It's big...13x16x12cm. They can sort of burst so they don't want to go straight in and do a biopsy.

I guess they'll decide at the MDT whether it is operable or not. I've been reading around (obviously!!) and if not operable immediately they might be able to shrink it and then remove it.

My fear is that it is big, much bigger than most of the removable ones in the literature.

Not much that I can do about it at the moment. I'm off work for the foreseeable and I'm going to be doing a fair bit of nothing (scared of the thought of it bursting as if it's some sort of balloon...pop!). Seeing a good friend tomorrow for a much needed hug.

Haven't made a desicion about telling my mum or siblings yet. They're all lovely people but maybe inclined towards catastrophising (if that's not a word, it should be!) and I'm not sure that I can bare that weight as well

We happen to have my MIL staying with us on Friday night as she passes us on her travels across the country. She lost her husband to mesothelioma in March. I think she'll notice that there's something up.

I guess my aim in the short time is to stay strong, listen to the birds, take gentle walks and count down the days until Monday 1st. I'll also keep posting. It does help. Xx

Lordy. You have got a lot going on. Is there any chance you can be visiting someone else when she stays, so you don’t need to deal with her?