Can someone please help me gather advice to find out whether or not the man i share a child with is lying about having testicular cancer

[MamFL]

Now let me start this hasnt been an easy post to write, and has took me a lot of time to write and ask for advice after months of having a “gut feeling” that something isnt right and off about the situation
backtrack to october 2024, i was told he was going in for an op on his ball as they thought it was testicular cancer, after op it was confirmed, and CT scan performed where they found enlarged lymph nodes over 2cms in his stomach, they told him he needed chemo because of the size of his tumour alone as it was 5 cms so needed one round and they were monitoring lymph nodes to see if he needed 6 rounds instead of one, and he was also waiting 2 weeks from then to have an appointment with oncologist to proceed, low and behold nothing for 4 weeks and no start of chemo.
fast forward to december 2024 I asked the question what was going on as he hadnt mentioned anything more and not started chemo, he then proceeded to tell me they had done another CT scan (not sure when) and had found something now on his liver and pelvis and needed an MRI, MRI was done urgent, when asked when he was going to get results he said 3 weeks which I thought was odd, anyway we are in january 2025 now 15 weeks after his intial op to remove testical and still no “sign” of this appointment to find out when his treatment is and its been 4 weeks.
now ive had family members with cancer so i know this doesnt add up, and is very suspicious. Why would the NHS deliberately know this has spread once? Then spread again and not start treatment at all? Because surely this is negligence right?! Is this usual treatment pattern for testicular cancer?

Is this your ex or current partner?

Have you been to any appointment with him?

Quite frankly, I think you'll find this is bollocks.

Do you live together, have you seen post about his appointments.

I don’t know treatment pathway for testicular cancer.
I do know that I was told one schedule for my breast cancer and it seems each step takes longer than they originally said.
When I was diagnosed end of September, I was told surgery in Oct, after surgery they then check lymph nodes and the tumour is staged and decide on chemo. I was told, likely would not as looks early and this was correct so I was told radiotherapy done and dusted before Christmas…this is what I was told and checks with what the NHS webpage and NICE and BreastCancer now advice pages all say…

Well guess what. I had surgery in November and I’ve not started radiotherapy, they did the planning CT Friday which I was told would be 1-3days before starting and id be given my dates so expected to start this week. But at the appt I was told it will be another 5-6 weeks before it starts so mid February, and no dates for me yet.

So I don’t know whether there are similar delays for testicular cancer or not.

Have you seen any correspondence, name of consultant?

Unless you have seen paperwork or been to an appointment I would be suspicious.. A relative of mine claimed he had had a lump removed and it was cancerous.. Took pics of him discreetly (with my phone? of him rolling round the floor with my dc.. Obviously a loads of bollocks... All those tests op and he never asked you to attend 1? How odd.

Can only speak to mine and my DPs experience (breast and blood cancer respectively) but that all sounds dodgy. Timescales do change a bit - maybe he didn’t heal well from his op so they delayed the next stage, maybe hospital are being cautious due to new findings on liver etc (that happened to my DP) but no mention of any biopsies or any phone calls with nurses, pharmacists etc makes this seem very suspicious.

your wording makes him sound like an ex, is dodgy behaviour standard for him?

My dads cancer (not balls) was confirmed in the July, treatment didn't start until nov. The scan to see if it had worked was a couple of months after final round.
Felt like no rush at any stage.
It was endlessly frustrating and stressful,

My DP had testicular cancer. Operation was very quick after initial scans (as in take it off, then get it checked out in the lab), chemo 4 weeks later. Ongoing CT scans and MRI found no further spread so just reviews now.

I can well understand that first consultant appt (on 2 week pathway) - operation - lab work followed by MDT review - chemo - CT scans - further MRI - awaiting next MDT outcomes (held weekly at our hospital) - Christmas/new year break would take 15 weeks.

I assume that you are not with him now so I wouldn't think he'd be willing to share hospital appointments info with you, it's none of your business other than sharing dc.

I mean, I can believe it tbh, the NHS is on it’s knees.

Does he have form for lying?

This is entirely in line with our experience over Christmas and new year and that of other family and friends we know. Sadly it took six weeks just to get the results.
In any case you do need to take him at his word, what would be the benefit of lying?! Support him as much as you can, keep your suspicions to yourself, you will know in a matter of weeks either way. He has my sympathy the stress of the wait is horrendous.

I mean he may be fabricating some of this story, but I don’t think the timelines are completely out of whack.

I have a more aggressive cancer than testicular so I think I have been pushed through a bit more quickly than most. It was 4 weeks from initial biopsy to results (though I think target is 8 weeks). Then I was booked in for scans and a lymph node biopsy in the 2 weeks after that. Lymph node surgery scheduled for 3 weeks after results came back. Then I needed about 3-4 weeks of recovery before I could be cleared to start treatment (mine isn’t chemotherapy, so I suspect appointment waiting times for chemo probably come into play).

The NHS target is starting treatment within 12 weeks of referral to oncology, as per my consultant. So for me, it was probably 10 weeks from initial biopsy to referral and then I started treatment maybe 2 weeks after that first appointment (we had to wait on results of another scan). But I guess in theory it could have meant, what? 22 weeks if it took the full 12 weeks.

What I did though was make myself really annoying! I rang consultant secretaries and I got their emails and I’d email them concerns and questions. I made myself very much a squeaky wheel and I think that’s why they pushed me through as fast as they did.

Unfortunately, either way it’s not good. If he’s lying, that’s a horrific thing to lie about. If he’s not lying, he has stage 4 cancer and it’s very serious for him. I would push him to follow up, daily, if he has to. You can’t do it for him. He needs to sort this out himself.

Hi yes he has form! What is throwing me off is the fact he was driving 3 days after the op for his testical off? When your literally cut open!

so he fully healed!! Infact to make this more suspicious was driving 3 days after his op!! Cut open, now when i saw that that made my alarm bells ring like crazy!!

Why might he lie about it? Is there something he would gain?

Thanks for the responses guys

so to make it more suspicious he drove his car 3 days after the op, and that sent alarm bells ringing, and was back to work after 2 weeks,

so yes he is my ex we share a child, and he was rhe first person to tell me all of this and i offered him compassion and i was actually the one in the end chasing up with what was happening as he just stopped telling me, also he has form, he is a pathological liar, and a covert narcissist, he was cery full on telling me then all of a sudden stopped, and when i ask him now its straight up answers like “no” and changes the convos which makes me think lies, as its defensive answers.

in my experience with him he has form, this is a man also who covered up having herpes while i was pregnant saying he had thrush/nothing serious putting me and my unborn child at risk 👀 so theres always a lie to cover something up!

Also the fact hes been told could potentially be in liver but has drank every weekend since telling me 👀

Sounds very suspicious to me @MamFL.

He would definitely have been to bruised to drive or return to work after 2 weeks.

Can you talk to one of his relatives or friends?

So he said he needed one round because of size of tumour, then re checked, that never happened at all! 👀

just casually walking round riddled with cancer apparently and no chemo started, he also has give me all the info then stopped when i started asking questions as though he knew i was on to him or something, he also told me his MRI appointment was 5pm, my grandad has just recovered from cancer and the two main hospitals in our area that do them shut at 5pm he confirmed this, when i asked why they were making hin wait so much and it didnt sense why he was pressing this his answer was “they keep wanting to do more tests on me” which in unsure what more test wise they needed to do he told me they knew exactly what was going on bar this new spread

I discussed my suspicions with someone else and they literally said “are you sure he hasnt had a vasectomy” and hes covered it up

Thats next step! Tbh this is raising concerns for my little girl to, as we already have issues with him and her and this lie will top everything

My DH has testicular cancer. He drove the day after surgery. It was quite an easy op, and easy recovery. Back at work after a few days (not manual work).

That was end of December, then he had one 'mop up' dose of carboplatin chemo in the January.

Can't help more than that!

Hiw was the operation done? He was cut open from groin “allegedly” and stitched up, advised not to drive for at least a week, due to breaking you can literally pop stitches and muscles are