Stage 4 pancreatic cancer life expectancy 92 year old, do I cancel my surgery?

[Chikoroll]

Sorry, this is long.
Mum is 92 and lives alone. She has carers three times a week.
She fell last week and was taken to hospital.
Outcome is stage 4 pancreatic cancer with a collection of fluid in her lungs presumed to be a malignant pleural effusion.
Mum refused “the big needle” biopsy and just wanted to go home.
She has been complaining of lethargy and weakness recently and has told me her weight has dropped from 80 kg to 65 kg in the last 2 years.
She is very tired and after showering ( with assistance and on a chair) she was too tired to do anything else. (Slept for 2 hours in her chair)
Her dietary portions are minute, we scrambled an egg with some tomato and she ate half of it. 1/3 cup of porridge for breakfast type portions.
Doctors say anywhere between 3-6 months.
My problem is I live 9 hours away and I have major surgery booked for 24/6/24. If I go ahead with this surgery, I won’t be able to travel for 4-6 weeks.
My gut feeling is to postpone the surgery, take long service leave and go to stay with her.
My hesitation is if she does get to 6 months, I will be living with my current condition for a lot longer.
i am seeking people’s experience in this situation and how long they think Mum will still be here?
many thanks for any input

I’m so sorry to read this. My Dad was 50 when he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed in the November and died in January.
6 months seems optimistic.

If it were me, I would cancel the surgery.

I work on a gastro ward but not in a qualified role. Pancreatic cancer can be very quick, I would cancel your surgery and spend time with her

Yes my experience is that it was only a matter of weeks between diagnosis and death. I'm really sorry.

I would cancel too. Its usually very quick

My mother was diagnosed in her 70s and well able to look after herself, but she managed about 10 weeks.

Thanks all, that confirms my gut feeling.
i will cancel my surgery and take leave to be with her.

Your mum is turning down treatment and has a very poor appetite so she could go downhill soon.
If you want to spend maximum time with her then taking leave now seems a good idea.
However you may not be able to look after her at home and she may need a nursing home - you could help to find one and be a regular visitor.
The alternative is to have your surgery now and then spend time with your mum whilst convalescing yourself.
Your health matters too and my decision would depend upon what affect there will be if your surgery is delayed by up to a year.

Mum has already said she wants to stay home as long as possible but does not want me wiping her butt!
I think it was a little confronting for her when I helped her shower yesterday.
Family plan is to speak to the palliative care team, first meeting is Thursday, and go from there.
we are in Australia so the is a lot of red tape involved in finding a care home.
I suspect she will need another hospital admission first and be placed from there.

MIL was only 2 or 3 weeks

I will S say it was quick but quite brutal. I would advise you to cancel everything and spend as much time as you can making her comfortable
When you said carers 3 times a week, did you mean week or day?

Carers 3 times a week prior to hospital admission.
It will be daily from now with family checking on her in the evening.
I have flown home with the plan of sorting what I can work wise this week and flying back to her Friday.
After the advice on this thread, I plan to stay with her from then.

I think going on her symptoms it wont be long at all

I'm so sorry. I would be extremely surprised if it is anything more than weeks.

It will be weeks. My father died 2 weeks after diagnosis.

I agree that it will be quick.
sorry to be blunt, but when do you have to cancel the surgery by? She could actually pass very soon - and you might then be able to get back for your surgery.

I need to cancel the surgery tomorrow.
It is booked for The 24th so just over a week away.
i have private insurance so should be able to reschedule before Christmas

I think it's the right choice to cancel the surgery. She's bound to be very weak and at 92 I don't blame her for not wanting to go to hospital and be poked and prodded. Pancreatic cancer is often much quicker than 6 months even in younger people. I'm sure she wants to be at home.

Oh apologies I see you have surgery not her. I hope your mum is keeping pain free and thinking you.

Sounds like you're making the wisest decision in some really difficult circumstances, OP.

Do hope your Mum can be made as comfortable as possible. And that YOU are ok...a lot of change to process, alongside however postponing your own surgery may affect you.

Sending strength to you both.

So sorry you're going through this.
My sister had a different cancer but the sleeping after a shower, not eating a lot was how she was a few days before the end.
We kept being told it wasn't end of life yet, but it was.

My aunt died of this aged 83, and refused any treatment. She was diagnosed in August and died in September. I would recommend being there and sorting good palliative care so they have the right pain relief. Best wishes to you. It’s never easy to lose your mum.

Pancreatic cancer is notoriously aggressive. Your mother's diminishing appetite is also what happens in the lead up to death. I think in all likelihood she is going to pass very soon.

This is so sad for you.

I think you've made the right decision.

Can your mum get home hospice care? Pain relief and qualified personal carers would make her final days more comfortable.

I’m so sorry. I had a cousin who was 48 diagnosed with pancreatic. She was given six months in February but passed in early May.

wishing you lots of love

I'm really sorry to hear this about your mum. My friend in her 50's was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year. She died 3 months later. But it can be a matter of weeks sometimes. They go downhill very quickly.

It must be really difficult for you, but I do think cancelling your surgery is the right thing to do considering how far away you are. Sending love