Stage 4 pancreatic cancer life expectancy 92 year old, do I cancel my surgery?

[Chikoroll]

Sorry, this is long.
Mum is 92 and lives alone. She has carers three times a week.
She fell last week and was taken to hospital.
Outcome is stage 4 pancreatic cancer with a collection of fluid in her lungs presumed to be a malignant pleural effusion.
Mum refused “the big needle” biopsy and just wanted to go home.
She has been complaining of lethargy and weakness recently and has told me her weight has dropped from 80 kg to 65 kg in the last 2 years.
She is very tired and after showering ( with assistance and on a chair) she was too tired to do anything else. (Slept for 2 hours in her chair)
Her dietary portions are minute, we scrambled an egg with some tomato and she ate half of it. 1/3 cup of porridge for breakfast type portions.
Doctors say anywhere between 3-6 months.
My problem is I live 9 hours away and I have major surgery booked for 24/6/24. If I go ahead with this surgery, I won’t be able to travel for 4-6 weeks.
My gut feeling is to postpone the surgery, take long service leave and go to stay with her.
My hesitation is if she does get to 6 months, I will be living with my current condition for a lot longer.
i am seeking people’s experience in this situation and how long they think Mum will still be here?
many thanks for any input

Thinking of you @Chikoroll. It's a horrible disease but good pain management makes a huge difference, I lost a dear friend to this and the hospice staff were amazing, she also had hospice at home. She was only 42.

So sorry OP. I would have said that 3 months was optimistic . It sounds like she is going downhill quickly . It will be weeks not months.

The fluid on her lungs will recur. It may be that she chooses not to go back into hospital and just be made comfortable at home next time. You are doing the right thing to head over to her as soon as possible

Mum is now in hospital after not being able to walk.
She is being nursed in bed and sleeping most of the time.
she is still eating small amounts.
Yesterday she was very confused and a bit paranoid. The doctor explained that as the cancer progresses, her calcium levels will rise and confusion is a result.
Anyone have any idea on how much longer?
Do I need to start staying at the hospital full time?
Palliative care don’t have any beds so I am very aware I get in the way of the nurses as Mum is in a 4 bed bay.
I would appreciate any advice

From personal experience, in the last two weeks it is obvious that the time is close, I saw my grandad 5 days before he died and he was pretty dopey from the morphine drip. He chose to stay at home and hospice came to him.

Very sorry OP.

My FIL had this. Diagnosed in March, passed in July. He declined very quickly at the end.

I'm so sorry that Palliative Care don't have any beds. Just wondering if the local Hospice do?

I'm so sorry op. Don't think anybody has the answer, but from personal experience pancreatic cancer works fast. My grandad was diagnosed age 60 in February's and died in July, otherwise healthy.

Sorry for this op.

My ad was doagnosed with this in late Feb, and passed awayearly May.

It is an insidious illness, not showing symptoms until it is very advanced.

I hope your mum is comfortable and well cared for.💐

This. When my beloved gran was in her last few days, we had her at home a d hospice style care was brought to us. A hospital bed, nurses every few hours, the care was wonderful.
OP as hard as it is staying in with her round the clock is going to drain you. There will come a time when you will be needed, and you will need to reserve your strength. Please try and rest a bit. Praying for you. There is no simple answer. It’s just crap. Cancer is cruel.

Whilst your Mum is still eating even small amounts she's likely to live. My Mum with pancreatic cancer eventually stopped eating and just took tiny sips of water and then she died about 8 days later. She weighed about 6 1/2 stone when she died. My Mum slept a lot. She had a morphine driver to take away any pain and I think that made her sleepy.

My dad died of pancreatic cancer. The stage your mum is at now - sleeping a lot and very little appetite - my dad was nil by mouth a few days after this then died 6 days later. His pain was well managed at the hospice and they couldn't have been nicer. Sorry you and your mum are going through this.

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/terminal-illness/preparing/what-to-expect

It’s difficult to say but if she is still alert enough to eat occassionally then I’d say that’s not quite the final stages. In my experience of cancer (not pancreatic) usually the last few days the person won’t really wake, their breathing changes to very rattlely and slow and skin colour changes.

Thinking of you at this very difficult time

It sounds like it won't be very long. Don't worry about being in the way. The nurses will be thankful you are with her. Just remember to eat yourself and have some breaks. Keep in touch with your family so they can support you. You are doing the best you can for her but you are important too x

Thank you, I have a bit of an idea of what to look for now.

I'm so very sorry.

Many people are thinking of you and your mum tonight.

With love and best wishes for peace and comfort.

With my dad the confusion came at night round bedtime. I remember mentioning it when he was admitted to the hospice because his brain was sound as a pound, I didn't want them thinking he was demented, I wanted them to know I felt it was the cancer doing that. That appeared in his last week and mainly showed up with him getting mixed up with his words.

Could she be moved to a hospice or is it too late and she's too weak and ill to travel. Hopefully they can find a quieter place for you both xx

So sorry op, it doesn't sound long now. When mil started sleeping alot she slipped away 4 days later.

If she’s eating I think you’ve a little while yet, in the U.K. at least the doctors and nurses are pretty good at telling you when your beloved is actively dying, I’m not sure how it is in Oz. Save your strength for now would be my advice

Thank you all.
Mum passed away peacefully this morning after becoming unresponsive yesterday.
She stayed in the ward but was moved to a side room and had a syringe driver delivering medication.
Many thanks again to all who contributed their experience

I’m so sorry to hear this OP but I hope you can now start grieving and also get comfort that she is not suffering.

I’ve lost my mum too. It’s so hard but she will always be with you. You are part of her.

very sorry for your loss OP. You sound like a lovely daughter.

I am so sorry, it's an awful disease.

I'm sorry, OP. Much love to you.

I'm so sorry for your loss Op.