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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

DD been put with boy who bullied her all last term for talking partner

24 replies

karise · 06/03/2009 18:38

To cut a long story short, DD (year 2) spent September to Christmas scared stiff of a group of boys who were 'chasing' her. The head says he's put measures in place to stop it & we believed him.
DD now tells us she's been put with one of these boys as a talking partner & is expected to work with him whenever they work in pairs. She also says that he talks too quickly for her to understand him & he then says that is because she isn't intelligent enough! .
DH wants to wait at the school Monday morning for the head & refuse to let her back to school until it's sorted. Is this an over-reaction? What would you do & how much can we influence a teacher who obviously doesn't like DD?
Very grateful for your views!

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Original poster

karise · 06/03/2009 18:49

Anyone?

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HumphreyCobbler · 06/03/2009 18:54

Is there any other information that you haven't mentioned? Did your dd say the bullying had stopped?

I do think keeping her off school is an over-reaction, the boy does not sound as if he has been nice to your dd but I am sure you could work something out with the teacher if your discuss it calmly.

Why do you say the teacher does not like your dd?

DollyMessiter · 06/03/2009 18:56

How big is the class, and how many boys were chasing her?

It might not be possible for your DD to be kept away from all of these boys all the time, and she should be safe working with one of them in a classroom environment.

Having said that, if it is really worrying her, I think a quiet word with the teacher would probably sort it out though.

I don't think going straight to the Head, with all guns blazing, will do anything to improve the working relationship with the teacher, though.

I hope you get it sorted out.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 06/03/2009 18:58

perhaps the teacher thought them working together might make things better? Perhaps the boy would be nicer? Clearly not working, so time to have a chat.

Original poster

karise · 06/03/2009 19:03

Teacher has previously shouted at DD to 'pull herself together' when we all went to see the head together about the bullying before! She also refuses to talk to most parents about how their child is getting on without the head present. Don't know what is going on & I think we both feel the lack of communication is a problem!

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dittany · 06/03/2009 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

karise · 06/03/2009 19:06

Class of 29 by the way, in a school that is used to dealing with under 20 at a time- a very extreme yeargroup for them I think!
Teacher is also part-time & I think, by what DD says that the other teacher is ignoring the talking partnerships on her days!

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HecatesTwopenceworth · 06/03/2009 19:10

I am shocked that a teacher could shout "pull yourself together" to a - what - 6/7 yr old? That's awful.

HumphreyCobbler · 06/03/2009 19:13

I would ask the teacher to change your dd's partner due to the horrible things he has said to her and to the history of his behavior. I would not approach the head until you have tried that.

Original poster

karise · 06/03/2009 19:32

Trouble is, I don't think she would take us seriously!

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HumphreyCobbler · 06/03/2009 19:41

If she doesn't then you need to go to the head. I would just avoid being too confrontational about it - a calm but decisive approach is better!

Original poster

karise · 06/03/2009 19:49

Luckily DH is generally a tactful person, he would never get confrontational! I think he just feels we have been ignored too much in the past by this particular teacher.
I don't think she takes any problems we have taken to her seriously

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Original poster

karise · 09/03/2009 17:50

Spoken by phone to the head twice today.
In the first call we calmly stated the problem, that DD is scared to be working with this boy & would he be able to talk to the teacher involved & ask her to call us about it.
We then speak to the head again. DD's teacher has refused to talk to us at all about it and is refusing to seperate her from the boy she is scared of.
Anyone got any advice on where we go from here?
We already have an appointment booked with the GP to talk it over with her, but that's not until next Monday.

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oopsagain · 09/03/2009 17:58

head and then governors.

I'd have a metting wth the head and findout what his/her take is on it.
Maybe the teacher will come to that maybe not-
And then if no good then write to the governers.

sorry you have to do this- it does sound most starnge.

oopsagain · 09/03/2009 18:02

it seems that the head needs to take some control here.
either the head agrees with teacher and they can both justify their decision to you.

Or head doesn't agree with teacher and thus feels undermined - but actually needs to address it somehow.

Maybe you could ask the head if he/she agrees, and then for justifiaction,.

prob best to get some stuff at a meeting and then in writing.

I'd sya to dd that you are tryinig to help and see if she can cope whislt you get to the bottom of it.
If she can't then- err not sure, keeping her off seems extreme. it depends how scared she is- maybe she can work with it all whislt you get it sorted.

hqave a funny feeling this will get complicated.

kepp storng and write stuff down.

Original poster

karise · 09/03/2009 18:11

Is it selfish to resent all the bad behaviour we get evenings & weekends because she needs to let out all the frustrations of school?
I've just been reading on another thread about flexi-schooling. What a fantastic idea, maybe we could then just avoid this part-time teacher's working days
Remind me again why we have to go through this? Oh yes, beaurocracy!

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mamas12 · 19/03/2009 12:32

Wow just read this and it is not good enough is it. The school is not discharging its duty of care.
How have things progressed. I would be tempted to make an appointment with the head and not leave until you are happy with measures being put in place. then put it all in writing.

Original poster

karise · 21/03/2009 20:13

Witnessed the bullying myself at the playground last night while the mother was watching! DD's friend also told me just how fed up with him she is getting too. Says he chases & bullies, then when a teacher is called pretends to be doing something completely different & gets away with it!
Sent the head another letter the other day after asking the doctors advice who is being hugely supportive.
The head tried to call last night but we were out, so will have to tackle it again on Monday.
Wish me luck!!

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mamas12 · 21/03/2009 23:36

Good luck just sit there until you are satisfied they are taking this seriously.

Original poster

karise · 23/03/2009 12:38

Seen the head today!
He will put a copy of the bullying policy in DD's bag later ( i hope).
Came away feeling a bit disappointed. He's the sort of person who listens a lot but doesn't really make any suggestions. Has agreed to watch out for the bullying himself (although he won't call it bullying) but had left the class teachers to deal with it and given that he has had no response from them has presumed the problem had disappeared.
The boy I was talking about on Saturday is the talking partners best friend by the way, not the boy himself.
Parents eve tomorrow so hoping to come away with a clearer picture then. In the meantime head is contacting the GP for advice!
We continue to wait...

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mamas12 · 30/03/2009 10:43

You are being fobbed off. Who's gp is he contacting? That sounds so patronising if it's your gp, have you given your permission? How weird.
Talk to the class teacher very forcefully and ask what are they going to do about it. Starting with moving this boy is only the beginning. Hope you feel you are getting results.
Can you talk to pta or govenors about this.

mamas12 · 04/05/2009 19:13

Hello Karise just wondering how you and your dd are getting along with the bully moving project,.

Original poster

karise · 20/05/2009 20:22

Been better for the last few weeks, mainly due to us talking to DD about keeping away from those making trouble & helping her build confidence outside of school.
She's not with the boy for a talking partner anymore, but I still have no confidence with how it has been handled. DD has been asking about the local prep school for ages so we are going to visit after half term!
There is less evidence of bullying at the moment but she is still unhappy and certainly doesn't trust the teachers. At the very least we should get her enrolled for Sept 2010, but it depends on my hours being extended to get her in for this September.
TBH been thinking about private for a while as she is above average and learning very little at that school. Just hoping that half term will help her rebuild her confidence again!
Thank you for thinking of us mama12!!!

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mamas12 · 23/05/2009 18:32

You're welcome. glad to hear you are being posituve with her. Good luck

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