I told the school today-didn't get the reaction I'd hoped for

[Ivegotaheadache]

I posted a little while ago about my dd1 (8yo) who was being bullied last school year (thank you for your replies), well I told the headmaster today as it was the first day back, and I'm not really sure what to think to be honest.

He said it would be difficult to speak to the girl as it was done last year, it's much better to keep an eye on the situation and if anything else happens then they will say something to her.

I can sort of see where he's coming from, but I feel that she's just got away with this behaviour and there's nothing to stop it from carrying on- actually I saw something today when I dropped dc's off at school. My dd was talking to her friend, this girl came up and totally ignored my dd and pulled the other girl away.
So it's still there.

Anyway, I just feel that as well as getting away with it, we have to wait for my dd to get upset before something is done. I can't really cope with that and I don't see why that should happen.

And shouldn't the parents be told of this? If it were the other way round, I'd definitely want to know.

Also, he suggested that my dd come and tell him when something happened, rather than me and she shouldn't be encouraged to tell tales, wtf does that mean! I don't call speaking up about bullying type behaviour, telling tales.

He also said he'd have a word with their new teacher and they would do circle time where they talk about excluding people ect. I had to remind him that it seemed to be a lot more than that deliberately targeted at my dd.

I sort of get the feeling that he doesn't want to do anything about it, though of course I could be wrong. But I was going to see him again and voice my concerns tomorrow - or should I wait til after the weekend or not say anything at all?

Not sure what to do, my said dd had a good day. But then thats what she said even when it was happening, so what should I think?

Thanks if you got to the end of it!

Blimey, I didn't realise this thread had all these responses!
It's been interesting to read all the views.

My dd is happier as she has said that this girl has been ok with her. So, that makes happy that it hasn't continued and my dd's life is a misery.

BUT, I'm not at all happy that this girl hasn't been spoken to or her parents informed that there has been a complaint about her behaviour, even though it was last school year.
And there's nothing to stop her doing it again.
The way my dd feels depends on whether this girl isn't horrible to her.

But that aside, I have spoken to her about trying to stand up for herself and if someone isn't that nice to her, she can tell them that they are being horrible and go away ect.
I've had to tell her that in life she'll meet all sorts people some may not be nice and say horrible things ect. Not something I would have wanted my 8 yr old to know so soon!

She has also started ju jutitsu (1st lesson was on tues) she enjoys it as they make the classes really good fun, but I'm hoping that will help her.

I like th eidea of doing girlie days with her friends, make it exciting then this girl may behave differently, who knows it's worth a try.

I'm afraid I have gone down the 'change the victim' route (in a sense).
I know nothing can be done about this girl at the moment adn we have to wait and see, but I'm doing what I can o build my dd's confidence so if this girl bullies my dd, she might get a surprise!

I have told my dd that it's in no way her fault and I wouldn't make her aware that she has to be the one to make some changes. And I totally believe that it's never the victims fault, but I do believe also that subtle changes in the 'victim' may help.

Well, that's what I believe at the moment anyway!

What an awful post, hope it can be understood!!

Hello good parents - having researched bullying, witnessed and experienced from a parent's perspective, it all boils down to the school's head. If the school's head tolerates or denies bullying, find your child a better school.
Your child is worth it.

To teachers/school heads or those higher up the ladder within the system, elected or otherwise, take note:
if a student or parent approached you for help and you do not get sincerely thanked, you can be guaranteed you did not help and contribute to the continuing existance of bullying.

True, not everyone thanks people for being helpful, but in situations concerning bullying, children and their parents are always grateful for those who took their concerns seriously and addressed them in a satisfactory manner - they even thank those who listen and say they want to help, as this kind of support is always appreciated.

You have every right to be concerned and I suggest you visit this website, www.kidscape.org.uk and also phone their helpline. You are NOT worrying unnecessarily and you have every right to be concerned. In my experience girls like this do not stop until they are properly confronted by the school and forced to change their behaviour.

The advice about asking to see the school's anti-bullying policy is also good so you can then quote it back at the school when they do nothing.

I hope it gets resolved soon.