Friends left me out

[Sengland01]

Evening, my friend had her birthday party meal booked for a sat afternoon but my babysitter couldn't work that day.

I mentioned this and said sorry I couldn't get a sitter and no one in my group of friends suggested I bring the baby with me anyway so I didn't miss out. It was a joint party as 2 friends birthday's are the same week.

Originally I had a sitter booked for the Friday night which was fine then it got swapped about a week before to the sat afternoon.

I feel left out and think if they really wanted me there, they would of said juat come along anyway as not a major night out and the baby is no bother.

Not sure if I should juat forget about it and maybe am over reacting. My partner works away so I don't have much adult company and generally feeling lonely. Feeling quite rejected. Is this normal?

This isn’t about you IMO. Many people wouldn’t want a baby at an adult birthday party - it changes the event, how people behave etc. If my friend said sorry I can’t get a babysitter I might forward her some sitter details but it wouldn’t occur to me to say bring the baby.
So I really wouldn’t take it personally.

Thank you. That makes me feel a bit better.

Children of any age change the dynamic of an adult get together, whether they are babies or teenagers. I think they just had to go with the majority of those who could attend.

You might want to think about broadening your babysitting options, as this is bound to come up again over the years.

I don’t think you can expect them to say bring the baby. Sorry your babysitter fell through but they didn’t really leave you out.

I’m a bit concerned that you’ve posted this in the Bullying topic - that does seem to be a bit of an extreme reaction.

I think you’re over-reacting to this - you couldn’t get a babysitter/they didn’t want a baby on the day - unfortunately these things happen.

I know you must have felt left out, but please don’t take it so personally, and please don’t see it as bullying - I would think your friends would be horrified to be labelled as bullies!

You couldn't get a babysitter, so you couldn't go.

It wasn't a family friendly event, it was an adult birthday, indeed 2 adult birthdays.

I wouldn't want someone else's baby at a birthday meal, whether it was in the afternoon or the evening.

adding

YOU weren't left out, you were invited.

I was unsure what topic to put it under. It's not bullying which is correct.

Just more feeling left out and maybe I should wider my circle as they are at a different stage of life to me.

Yes it does become trickier if you have a baby and they don’t- especially if your partner isn’t around - there are going to be a lot
of times when they can meet and you can’t (at least not without baby in tow).

Not saying ditch your child free friends but might be good to meet some friends with babies too who can do meet ups with babies . Are you on mat leave?

I work from home as have my own business so apart from the school run when i see other adults, am pretty much on my own here with the 3 children ranging from 16, 9 and the baby.

My partner works away for weeks at a time and currently we live in separate houses.

I think it's just different as although my friends do have children, no one has a new baby so can't really relate to me in that way as they have support at home and can go here, there and everywhere.

I have a christmas meal booked with them a few days before Xmas so will see them then hopefully.

How old is the baby? Under 3 months would probably be ok but any older and it would change the dynamics. Try not to take it personally.

It’s not bullying - you couldn’t get a babysitter. Can’t the 16 yo babysit? I wouldn’t want a baby at my birthday/girls lunch tbh. That’s quite normal. It doesn’t mean they didn’t want you there.

Yeah I think yabu sorry.
I've got a mix of friends, some with kids, some not.
Things like a casual lunch would be fine for kids to come along to. But someone else's birthday in the evening - no, I wouldn't have invited you to bring your baby either.

It's not about your friends being at a different life stage to you, its you expecting them to prioritise you over everything else.

Everyone has times when they can't make events -they're working, feel ill, had other commitments, struggling for money, car troubles, etc. The actual reason (cant get a babysitter) is irrelevant. Trying to organise anything as a group is a minefield these days. If they say "bring the baby" this time then next time it could be "can we meet a bit earlier/later" "actually can we go this place instead" and its just a faff of constant reorganisation. Far easier to just commit to something and unfortunately if someone has to drop out, they miss that event.

am pretty much on my own here with the 3 children ranging from 16, 9 and the baby.

Why can't the 16 year old babysit occasionally-if you paid them a bit!

Bringing a baby changes the main focus, it was your friends night for the limelight rather than having everyone fussing over the baby all demanding a cuddle.

It's not bullying and it's not "leaving you out". You couldn't make a planned event because, yes, bringing a baby does change the dynamic of an adults event.

I don't think you've really been left out on purpose have you? You just can't make it, that's something you kind of have to get used to with kids, they get in the way of an adult social life sometimes! I'm sorry to say I also wouldn't want a baby at an adult birthday meal.

The fact that they're not bending over backwards to change the plans so you can come doesn't mean they don't want you to come, just means that this particular event isn't about you and your attendance so you're not the main priority.

I wonder if the people posting have friends! If I couldn’t make a get together or anyone else in the group couldn’t we’d change the date! Wouldn’t occur to us not to.

Sorry op, They sound like acquaintances rather than friends.

That’s OK if there are only two or three people meeting but not with a bigger group.

You can’t do that all of the time or nobody would ever get to go anywhere. This was a birthday meal for a Saturday afternoon. I don’t think that’s the sort of thing that can be postponed.

New baby? Hmmm I can get it, why would they want the baby there. It’s not just one persons birthday either. Kindly this wasn’t about you. Totally get as I’m having another baby too, and I know things will change etc. my best friends do stuff without me all the time it happens x

You weren’t left out - you were invited you just couldn’t come without the baby. I wouldn’t have wanted you to bring the baby as it was an adults birthday x2

This depends on the size of the group. Sometimes we just can’t get a date that suits everyone.

Nowadays whoever is organising says how about do X on such a date? If you can’t make it you can come to the next.

To OP, I was going to say that if you have a baby and friends don’t, get used to not going to everything, but she had older DC so has been through this before.

I get that you feel sad to have missed the event, however you were invited and that means they did want you there. I can understand them not wanting a young baby at an adult event, as it would change the dynamic.

It's quite often hard to find a date where everyone is free, and OP was originally ok with this date.