The teacher pushed my child

[NaziaN]

Hi, a teacher used abusive language and then pushed my child out of her classroom in front of my daughter’s friends. My daughter then argued with the teacher for pushing her. My daughter is now suspended from school because the head teacher did not believe her or her 2 friends. The school cameras cover outside the classroom but not inside the classroom. I have contacted the police and they said that they will visit me in 2 days. My daughter has been upset and been crying ever since, because it was her last day in year 8 in school and they were going to have a party. I feel that the staff at school are covering for the teacher’s behaviour to make they school not look bad.
Im just confused, how school has been very unfair with my child.

Teachers don’t allow children to use the bathroom during lessons, but sometimes children do genuinely need the toilets. I have said to my child that if she is desperate to use the toilets then she should ask her teacher and if they don’t allow, then she could walk out the classroom, use the toilets and come straight back, and then have a 30 mins detention after school. But she did not do that, because she didn’t want a detention, so she wrote a fake note.

The class had already left, because the lesson was over and the teacher was shouting at her for using the toilets for 7 mins, my daughter was given permission to use it for no longer than 5 mins.

It was my daughter’s last lesson with this Spanish teacher. They never got on well with each other. My daughter gets grades in Spanish that are below average. On parents evening the teacher did tell me that your daughter is not doing well in this class.
In all the other lessons, she is in one of the top sets, but in Spanish she is in the bottom one.
I’m confused I need advice on what to do, I don’t want to waste police time but if my daughter is telling the truth and I don’t do anything about it then she will not trust me too.

Op you need to go and speak to the school and find out what has actually happened. I wouldn't say your daughter has lied, but teenagers have a habit of exaggerating especially if they think they are going to get into trouble.

Please remember that accessing a teacher of pushing your daughter is serious and can get them in a lot of trouble. I wouldn't necessarily fully believe her friends either in afraid, the school does need to do a full investigation into what happened. Your daughter was wrong to leave class without permission and you shouldn't be encouraging this, if you don't agree with the schools policies look for another school.

You appear to be enabling your daughter to chose her own rules and lie when she wants. This is not good parenting. You have accepted that she lied about the note - but convinced the staff are lying about the situation.

Last week I shouted to 'stop' at two Yr10s, as I rushed towards them as they were physically fighting in the corridor. Dealing with the situation - one parents biggest concern was that I had shouted at them to stop. Apparently her son does not react well to raised voices. Tried explaining that I needed to urgently get their attention - they are both tall, well-built young men who could easily hurt another student walking past. The mother actually stated 'Any other child at risk of physical harm is not my concern - it is yours. My only concern is that you have upset my son by hearing a raised voice'. On-going issues, so now on a behaviour contract (3 items - wear school uniform / attend lessons / do not physically or verbal harm others) The mother does not think he will comply or it is fair as 'he is not good with rules'.

School staff are at breaking point - because of parents like you.

I see we have managed to get on to children being denied access to the toilet and being 'desperate' once again.

This is a gross waste of police time. Quite frankly you are being ridiculous. You should be demanding that your daughter toes the line.

My daughter had never been suspended before, this is the first time. She has been in trouble before for not doing her homework on time or having a chewing gum.

My daughter told me that she faked a note and she did get in trouble from me and her dad. I told her to never do that again. She promised she wont do it again.

How can you be so sure ?
I know children lie but this is not the first time, this teacher has done this. She has grabbed a childs arm with force in front of the whole class

You don't need to protect your child on this. She is 13, not 4.

She lied about being allowed to use the toilets, faked a note, was there longer than permitted, and she then argued with the teacher when he removed her from class. As a consequence, she misses the end of year party. It's classic "fucked around and found out" territory. If this were my child I would be saying that next time they should not lie or argue with teaching staff.

If your child - like mine - has a medical condition that means that they cannot wait to use the toilets at break times or lunch time, that is a separate issue that you should be raising with school. The toiletting rules do sound Draconian and unreasonable but I assume you chose the school for your daughter, and they are sort of beside the point.

Do you really think a teacher should have to go through a police investigation for a situation which your daughter instigated and exacerbated by lying and being disrespectful?

Then you report what your daughter has told you to the school and let them deal with it. If she has actually done it before they will know and have a record you don't need to bring that up at all. You just need to talk to them about what your daughter has said.
I think getting the police involved is a step to far at this stage. What a child considers shove and what an adult has actually done can be to different things.

We had a teacher accused of something similar at school and the parents really kicked off. Luckily for the teacher there had been a TA in the room as it certainly hadn't gone down how the child or his mates had claimed it did.

I am not allowing my child to make her own rules and lie whenever she wants. I have 5 children, and 4 of them went to this school and 2 of them are doing a degree at a university , so I understand how important education is but I also know that a child needs to be heard. I did not want to take it further but I feel that it was so unfair for the school to suspend my daughter. I have spoken to my daughter and promised her she will not be in trouble but just tell me the truth, but she keeps saying the same thing that the teacher was stood besides her and she first said” I could push you as fast as I could speak, which is very far” and then she pushed her with her hand, I said to my daughter that it might have been your friend who pushed you because you couldn’t see behind you and she says, she saw the teachers hand go back and then when I turned around and I said “don’t push me” the teacher ignored me.

Op why do you seem reluctant to go and speak to the school. I don't mean talk to the teacher, I mean speak to the school. In this case you would either raise it with the head of department which would be the teachers line manager or if she is the Head of department then you go to the head of school.

OP ( if this even ever happened) your daughter caused this situation. And your attitude enabled that behaviour. The attitude of you and your DD are an exact example of why I left teaching. Good luck with the police 😂

My daughter wrote a note to say that she was allowed to use the toilet , I understand she cannot lie but

But... but... but... it wasn't her fault waaaahhhhhhh.

You are enabling a liar. You are not understanding that you are creating this situation. This is on you for not parenting properly from the beginning and letting her get away with things to the point she thought it was okay to fake a note (which is serious if she also put a signature on it). What are you going to do about her lies?

Your response to your daughters behaviour is ridiculous.

She lied, she forged a note, then she dithered about in the toilets for a break she didnt need and wasted 7mins of a 35min period.

Her repeating something again and again doesnt make it true and it doesnt even make sense.
Why would the teacher even say
"I could push you as fast as I could speak, which is very far"
Its just a weird sentence.

Your child is horribly behaved and need to learn to behave in school and you'd be making a mistake to do anything other than reinforce that message.

We don't know there was any physical abuse other than a hand on the shoulder maybe. We don't know what the child was doing to deserve being sent out. I very much doubt the teacher launched a violent attack on an innocent child for no reason.

There are no "paper notes" in schools nowadays. If there is a toilet pass, it'll be on the system and all staff get alerted. So she can't forge one.
Caveat: people are going to say that their child has a paper pass, but I'm just going to say that's rare nowadays.

My reading is that the child forged a letter from her parent to say she had a problem such that urgency was an issue when needing the loo.

Again, how often do parents write notes nowadays? There's a text service, or email. Supposing she did? It would go to the pastoral manager for verification, probably a phone call, then the pass would be noted on a tab next to the student's name.

My point is this, surely the girl would know that it wasn't going to work? Seems strange.

What you can't see in this is that you are not failing her if you don't take it further. You are failing her if you DO take it further. Your daughter was in the wrong. She needs to just accept that and behave her self at school. If you want her to turn out to be a good person then she needs to apologise to that teacher and quite frankly so do you.!

I’m sorry you’re going through this. So stressful and unnecessary. There are more and more cases like this, with a growing complaints culture amongst parents. Respect for teachers is diminishing. Back in the day parents respected school staff and supported decisions. Now there are more and more cases of parents who don’t support the school and feel their child can do no wrong. The level of complaints is insane.

This is a perfect example of just how vulnerable teachers are nowadays. We have to watch everything we say and do, for fear of being ‘attacked’ by parents who defend their children. It’s awful and it’s completely disempowered us. These parents do their children no favours. I’m sorry you’re going through this @WeWillLookBack I know how you feel. You did nothing wrong.