Physical restraint of 4 yo by two teachers

[agpennypacker]

I’m looking for some advice regarding a deeply concerning series of events that have taken place since my 4.5 yo started reception class in September.

My daughter can be very shy, reserved and nervous in new situations, but once comfortable I would describe her as being very chatty and loves to play. She often likes to sit and observe other children before joining in with group activities.

Whilst at nursery, she developed a fear of PE and did not want to get changed into her kit, so would sit on the side and watch. She also had concerns over using the toilet with other children present, and it took her a long time to become comfortable going to the toilet with anyone other than her key carers.

When she started school, I received two phone calls home from her teacher within the first two weeks - she claimed my daughter would not talk to anyone, would ‘scream’ at her if she was asked to do something she didn’t want to do (e.g. tidying up) or would move in ‘slow motion’ when asked to do things like wave for the register.

This was really concerning for me, it did not sound like my daughter at all and it was certainly not how she behaved at nursery. She had never screamed at me in all her life, but she would cry.

When I relayed these concerns to her teacher, her response was she had contacted my daughter’s nursery and they had confirmed she behaved in the exact same way whilst in their care. As I can’t see what happens in the classroom, I had to trust her on this, but it confused me and I didn’t know how best to support my daughter because she never behaved that way with me.

As we go into term 2, my daughter has become more and more fearful of going to school in the morning. I have a battle to get her dressed, and once inside the gates she hides behind me and clings on tightly. I have observed her teacher being gentle with other children who are nervous to go in, getting down to their level, giving hugs or talking to them gently. This never happens with my daughter, she becomes very impatient with her and uses an angry tone when telling her to come inside.

The last straw for me was Thursday - I needed to gently push my daughter towards the door to try and get her over the threshold. At this point, her teacher grabbed her arm, pulled her through the door with force, and angrily said “come on in, Mummy is NOT coming in with you today”.

As I walked away, another Mum who I did not know caught up with me and asked if I was ok as she had witnessed how rough the teacher had been with my child.

At the end of the day, I was asked to wait behind until all the other parents had gone and given a report of the day. The conversation began with “I have lots of exciting things to tell you about today”. Her teacher first told me how my daughter did not want to get dressed for PE. This was the first day they were required to change into full kit, rather than just changing their shoes I later found out. This did not surprise me, my daughter often told me her worries about PE and I responded by telling her she would not be made to do anything she didn’t want to do. I had also informed her teacher of her fears over PE so expected them to approach the issue with care and compassion.

The teacher then informed me that because my daughter was not getting changed, she was given a 5 second warning or she would have to go and sit in the nursery class (with the younger children in the school’s nursery area). Of course my daughter did not want to go there (I imagine out of fear as it would be an alien environment to her) but she still did not want to get changed. So she was “positively placed” there for a ‘time out’. She had supposedly scratched and grabbed at her teacher in the lead up to this positive placement. This again surprised me as she has never scratched or grabbed at home, or anywhere else that I am aware of. It was completely out of character for her.

This part of the conversation was brushed over very quickly, I was not told anymore about what “positive placement” involves, and did not receive a download of how my daughter responded, how she was feeling or anything else that happened.

She then spent a long time telling me how her and my daughter had an “I’m sorry” cuddle, she took my daughter alone to have a hot chocolate with the year 6 class and she had been given a sticker chart to use as a reward to encourage good behaviour.

That day, when my daughter came home she completely wet herself and cried (she has only ever had small accidents and not the amount of this afternoon since potty training). She told me she hadn’t been to the toilet all day, and given the amount and severity of the wetting, this made sense to me.

The next day I decided to call the nursery on the advice of a friend and find out what information and comments they had passed on to the teacher. I had concerns over data privacy since I had not given my consent for her teacher to obtain this information, and also could not understand the claims she had made regarding my daughter’s behaviour.

It was confirmed to me that they had not had any conversations with my daughter’s teacher, nor any of the schools in the local area for that matter. At this point I became aware the teacher had told me quite a detailed lie regarding my daughter. With my trust in her broken, I then began to review all the events that have happened in this short time of my daughter starting school. She has developed selective mutism and has still not spoken at all to anyone in the school environment.

I requested a meeting with the head teacher to relay this information and my concerns. It was during this meeting that I discovered the shocking details of what “positive placement” involves. My daughter was restrained by two adults in order to be placed in the nursery class. And the cause of this? My daughter was too nervous to get changed into her PE kit.

I imagine the fear my daughter faced in being given a choice between getting dressed or going to the nursery class. Both choices would have been scary for her so of course she didn’t want to do either. I imagined the stress and anxiety she experienced in being restrained and physically moved against her will by TWO adults. She’s a little 4 year old girl. I’ve never needed two adults to restrain her at home and could not understand what she could have possibly done that was so bad she had her human rights violated in this way.

The investigation is ongoing, however I have no faith in the school dealing with this satisfactorily. The head seemed to condone the use of this “positive placement” on children so young and was more concerned with the issue of the teacher supposedly contacting the nursery to gain information on my daughter (which of course did not happen).

I wanted to ask for advice, at this stage I have taken my daughter out of school over concerns for her safety. I planned to speak with social services tomorrow as I feel a full investigation should take place into why this level of physical force was used on a 4 year old, and why this policy exists within the school. I feel it has been used against my daughter as a form of punishment and intimidation, and not used as a last resort because they have exhausted all other options. I’ve received phone calls home for less. If my daughter was being so disruptive, why was I not called? Why did my daughter receive a ‘reward’ of hot chocolate and sticker charts immediately after this event?

Naturally I am sick to my stomach thinking of what has been happening to my daughter since she started school, how she has gone from a slightly shy and sensitive girl to completely losing her voice and becoming fearful of the school I am sending her to every day. She has began wetting the bed which is out of the ordinary and her appetite is poor.

[quote Terminallysleepdeprived]@htpri maybe not where you are, but when this was the case for me all of the above had to agree.[/quote]
Not the case ‘where I am’ - its the legal guidelines as I stated DFE ‘Use of Reasonable Force’

@endofagain

She doesn't have to be in school until she is 5. You don't have to send her.

In the UK she doesn't have to go to school at all - the OP can home educate.

No child has to get changed for PE- they can either get changed and join in with the lesson or refuse to get changed and sit and watch,or spend lesson sitting quietly somewhere else. It would be very, very rare for a child to choose

the boring option- I've worked with several selective mute DC and several who like help getting changed, but none that really didn't want to join in with PE rather than watch, after a few weeks of watching.

This sounds hideous for both you and your poor DD. The aggressive removal from you at drop off, the removal of playtime and the physical restraint just seems completely cruel and over the top.

I wouldn't let my DD back and I would complain.

This sounds terrible on so many levels, and the description of the teacher roughly pulling your DD into the class was particularly upsetting. Your daughter cannot go back to this teacher.

There are a number of things in your DDs behaviour that could suggest she is on the autistic spectrum. Selective mutism is commonly linked to autism. This does not in any way excuse the behaviour of this teacher. She sounds to be completely ignorant of how to deal with these behaviours, which are quite common. I mention it because when you look for a new school it might be helpful to be aware that their could be SEN and you can ask questions about how they would support your daughter.

OP, my heart is breaking for your little girl. Take her out of that school, it sounds awful.

DS is shy and anxious as well, and tends to "freeze" when scared of something. I know from experience that forcing him to do something he is scared of (even very gently in a "look it's not really scary" way) makes him either run and hide, or have a full meltdown. But if he knows he can sit and watch, or join in when he wants to, he calms down and does generally join in after he sees it's ok. DS's school have been very gentle, and he has blossomed and become far more confident over the past two months (lots of praise, very clear and fair class rules which they all know, being water monitor, getting stars for good listening, etc). In contrast, the way your DD's school have handled it is completely the wrong approach.

People saying it is wrong to say DD doesn't have to do things she doesn't want to do - there is a difference between "you don't have to stop playing, even when the teacher tells you to come for circle time", and "your teacher won't physically manhandle you to make you do something you are terrified of". I'd assume I was on safe ground reassuring DS on the second point.

And DS's school has reception children wear PE kit to school on PE days. I assume to avoid having to help 60 children to get changed, with the attendant lost jumpers/mixed up shoes, but it saves everyone a lot of hassle.

@Bobbybobbins

I would contact chair of governors urgently to also complain. And Ofsted as a matter of safeguarding.

Ofsted don’t get involved in individual cases, even if it’s safeguarding

Is this in the U.K.? The friends I know who work in teaching would avoid hugging a child or physically touching them in anyway because it can so easily lead to accusations.

Hope it all gets sorted out soon and your daughter finds a school that will give her more support.

For want of a better phrase this is fucking outrageous.

Write a formal complaint outlining everything you have said here to the head teacher, the board of governors and to Ofsted and then start the process of finding her a new school.

CC this letter into your local council and explain the urgency of relocating her and it may help in your application process to local schools.

An 'I'm sorry' cuddle and hot chocolate with the big kids indicates something has happened that they're trying to get your daughter to cover up. I may be wrong but my instant gut reaction was something physical.

It's odd when it happens but individual children sometimes rub a perfectly competent teacher up the wrong way and result in completely a-typical care - it sounds as if your poor little girl is this child.

Ask for detailed incident reports. If your daughter did scratch her there will be an incident report, if she was 'positively-placed' aka dragged then there will be an incident report.

I would also advise getting her in counselling if you can, address her phobia of school immediately with professionals and look at getting her mutism treated positively hopefully the damage can be reversed.

I'm so sorry you and your poor baby have gone through this. I hope your liaison with the school is productive henceforth.

@Kendodd

One thing though, telling her she won't be made to do anything she doesn't want to. Children (and adults) have to do loads of things they don't want to. It's just life.

This stood out to me. Children do have to learn to do things they don’t want to do. Have you practised your daughter getting changed into her PE herself? Talk about how proud you’ll be, what a big girl she is, maybe have a reward at home. I’d encourage any talking with others when you’re out and about. Try to build up her levels of resilience so trying new things when you’re there and she has more confidence. Encouraging her saying she can do it, so when she tries new things without you she has got those experiences behind her.

You did the right thing , op. Get her to a new school. That teacher and the two adults who restrained your poor child are absolutely atrocious and definitely not professional and caring school teachers. Bloody hell.

This is completely unacceptable and the emphasis should not be shifted away from the teachers actions with SEN assessments at this stage.

Equally absurd is to say that we have to do things we don’t want to in life, she’s 4. She will do things when she feels safe. She’s been in school for three months.

In your position I would make formal complaint to the governors and get in touch with your local safeguarding team.

If you want to pm me please do.

This is awful no child should feel afraid at school and teachers should be better than frightening a child into doing what they want. You need to see action and consequence for this and if the school fail to investigate properly or acknowledge their mistakes I would consider if this school is the best fit for your child. Do also consider your child as obviously we are only seeing a small area of your life, are your child's behaviours concerning? Do you feel she would benefit from additional support or professional consultation? If so speak to school (if you feel able) or doctor. Good luck.

@sallywinter

This is completely unacceptable and the emphasis should not be shifted away from the teachers actions with SEN assessments at this stage.

Equally absurd is to say that we have to do things we don’t want to in life, she’s 4. She will do things when she feels safe. She’s been in school for three months.

In your position I would make formal complaint to the governors and get in touch with your local safeguarding team.

If you want to pm me please do.

Excellent advice.

@Tilltheend99

Is this in the U.K.? The friends I know who work in teaching would avoid hugging a child or physically touching them in anyway because it can so easily lead to accusations.

Hope it all gets sorted out soon and your daughter finds a school that will give her more support.

I've worked in lots of English schools where teachers and TAs give children a quick hug. Not a proper massive cuddle like you'd give your own child but certainly a quick hug or 'side hug'. I think it's often misrepresented that teachers don't touch children, esp in infant/early years years.

I also agree with the previous head teacher that I've never heard of positive handling having to be sanctioned before the event and don't understand how that would work if a child needed to be restrained for their own safety and that of others. The handling of your daughter though OP sounds completely OTT.

Re hot chocolate, this sounds odd but (trying to find a reason for it!) I wonder if it was an attempt to discuss the scenario once the child had calmed down. This is normal after an upsetting incident. Hot chocolate and a biscuit used to be encouraged at the start of nurture groups to give a chatty, home feel and encourage children to talk. I wonder if this was the case here.

I do hope you get things sorted OP. It must be very difficult to think of your daughter having been so distressed. As a SENCO, I'd recommend asking about beginning an assessment (in my area you can go straight to your GP). It might just be shyness that she grows out of but there's no harm in starting the process in case it's more than that.

Never send her back to this school. This teacher clearly has issues with your daughter and they will not stop.

Write to Chair of Governors

Ask for another meeting with Head ASAP

Can you keep her home for a few days ...? Ask for school work to be sent ...

I'm shocked and upset to read this .....I'm a TA of 18 years

@GoodnightGrandma

Has anyone ever mentioned having any form of SEN type assessment ? Did nursery ever mention it ?

I'd be more inclined to mention and discuss a lying teacher. The little 4 yo child was OK at nursery, just a little shy, which is within normal range.

It's the LADO and chair of governors you need to speak to.

Absolutely pursue this.

I train staff in schools (mainly special) in behaviour management and this includes use of restrictive physical intervention if required.

The legal definition of when it's acceptable is "reasonable, proportionate and necessary". I don't need to tell you in this instance it's not.

It's very clear your dd has extremely high levels of anxiety and they should be working to meet those needs.

School staff should not be using escorts and restraint to move a child who won't get changed. It shouldn't be used to exercise power.

It's use is for when there is danger and serious danger of severe consequences and there is nothing else that can be done to keep all parties safe.

So if they say she was hitting teacher etc - well a teacher can step back away from a 4yo child and tell other children to go elsewhere.

Some of the behaviour displayed suggest SEN, which can manifest itself in a new environment and her age. I would consider a statement. Now regarding handling the situation, it is unacceptable. If I were you, I would change schools as the trust between your daughter and the teacher is lost.

You say I would have expected the school to work closely with me and liaise with nursery on how best to support her but go on to complain that they didn't get your permission to contact the nursery before the alleged discussion.

I'd suggest asking for an urgent meeting with the Head and Senco and taking next steps from there.

School staff are only allowed to “positively handle” where there is a risk to property or people and only as a last resort. Compliance isn’t a valid reason. There is obviously a bit of grey area with younger children in that guiding a reception child wouldn’t normally be a problem or holding their hand etc. But clearly there are going beyond this.

Firstly you need to remove her.

If she is summer born you could approach LA and other (kinder!) schools for delayed entry.

I’m so sorry your daughter is being treated this way.

The talking to nursery is a slight red herring here because ALL schools talk to nurseries in the summer term before the children start in school so that they have more information/can plans for extra needs etc. you don’t need to give permission for that as it is a normal occurrence. The lying to to about having done that when they haven’t in this occasion is the issue.
The treatment of your daughter is the issue.

Find the schools complaints policy on the website. Follow it to the letter. You cannot miss a stage out-it will just be sent back for you to do. So you’ve complained to the head verbally. Follow this up with a written formal complaint. School then usually has two weeks to address that. If not satisfied then to chair of governors, then to appeal, then to DfE is the normal route.

Positive handling is used in schools countrywide. The use of two adults is to prevent injuries either side and if the part about your daughter scratching/kicking etc was true then was needed IMO-even though this situation shouldn’t have got to that.