Physical restraint of 4 yo by two teachers

[agpennypacker]

I’m looking for some advice regarding a deeply concerning series of events that have taken place since my 4.5 yo started reception class in September.

My daughter can be very shy, reserved and nervous in new situations, but once comfortable I would describe her as being very chatty and loves to play. She often likes to sit and observe other children before joining in with group activities.

Whilst at nursery, she developed a fear of PE and did not want to get changed into her kit, so would sit on the side and watch. She also had concerns over using the toilet with other children present, and it took her a long time to become comfortable going to the toilet with anyone other than her key carers.

When she started school, I received two phone calls home from her teacher within the first two weeks - she claimed my daughter would not talk to anyone, would ‘scream’ at her if she was asked to do something she didn’t want to do (e.g. tidying up) or would move in ‘slow motion’ when asked to do things like wave for the register.

This was really concerning for me, it did not sound like my daughter at all and it was certainly not how she behaved at nursery. She had never screamed at me in all her life, but she would cry.

When I relayed these concerns to her teacher, her response was she had contacted my daughter’s nursery and they had confirmed she behaved in the exact same way whilst in their care. As I can’t see what happens in the classroom, I had to trust her on this, but it confused me and I didn’t know how best to support my daughter because she never behaved that way with me.

As we go into term 2, my daughter has become more and more fearful of going to school in the morning. I have a battle to get her dressed, and once inside the gates she hides behind me and clings on tightly. I have observed her teacher being gentle with other children who are nervous to go in, getting down to their level, giving hugs or talking to them gently. This never happens with my daughter, she becomes very impatient with her and uses an angry tone when telling her to come inside.

The last straw for me was Thursday - I needed to gently push my daughter towards the door to try and get her over the threshold. At this point, her teacher grabbed her arm, pulled her through the door with force, and angrily said “come on in, Mummy is NOT coming in with you today”.

As I walked away, another Mum who I did not know caught up with me and asked if I was ok as she had witnessed how rough the teacher had been with my child.

At the end of the day, I was asked to wait behind until all the other parents had gone and given a report of the day. The conversation began with “I have lots of exciting things to tell you about today”. Her teacher first told me how my daughter did not want to get dressed for PE. This was the first day they were required to change into full kit, rather than just changing their shoes I later found out. This did not surprise me, my daughter often told me her worries about PE and I responded by telling her she would not be made to do anything she didn’t want to do. I had also informed her teacher of her fears over PE so expected them to approach the issue with care and compassion.

The teacher then informed me that because my daughter was not getting changed, she was given a 5 second warning or she would have to go and sit in the nursery class (with the younger children in the school’s nursery area). Of course my daughter did not want to go there (I imagine out of fear as it would be an alien environment to her) but she still did not want to get changed. So she was “positively placed” there for a ‘time out’. She had supposedly scratched and grabbed at her teacher in the lead up to this positive placement. This again surprised me as she has never scratched or grabbed at home, or anywhere else that I am aware of. It was completely out of character for her.

This part of the conversation was brushed over very quickly, I was not told anymore about what “positive placement” involves, and did not receive a download of how my daughter responded, how she was feeling or anything else that happened.

She then spent a long time telling me how her and my daughter had an “I’m sorry” cuddle, she took my daughter alone to have a hot chocolate with the year 6 class and she had been given a sticker chart to use as a reward to encourage good behaviour.

That day, when my daughter came home she completely wet herself and cried (she has only ever had small accidents and not the amount of this afternoon since potty training). She told me she hadn’t been to the toilet all day, and given the amount and severity of the wetting, this made sense to me.

The next day I decided to call the nursery on the advice of a friend and find out what information and comments they had passed on to the teacher. I had concerns over data privacy since I had not given my consent for her teacher to obtain this information, and also could not understand the claims she had made regarding my daughter’s behaviour.

It was confirmed to me that they had not had any conversations with my daughter’s teacher, nor any of the schools in the local area for that matter. At this point I became aware the teacher had told me quite a detailed lie regarding my daughter. With my trust in her broken, I then began to review all the events that have happened in this short time of my daughter starting school. She has developed selective mutism and has still not spoken at all to anyone in the school environment.

I requested a meeting with the head teacher to relay this information and my concerns. It was during this meeting that I discovered the shocking details of what “positive placement” involves. My daughter was restrained by two adults in order to be placed in the nursery class. And the cause of this? My daughter was too nervous to get changed into her PE kit.

I imagine the fear my daughter faced in being given a choice between getting dressed or going to the nursery class. Both choices would have been scary for her so of course she didn’t want to do either. I imagined the stress and anxiety she experienced in being restrained and physically moved against her will by TWO adults. She’s a little 4 year old girl. I’ve never needed two adults to restrain her at home and could not understand what she could have possibly done that was so bad she had her human rights violated in this way.

The investigation is ongoing, however I have no faith in the school dealing with this satisfactorily. The head seemed to condone the use of this “positive placement” on children so young and was more concerned with the issue of the teacher supposedly contacting the nursery to gain information on my daughter (which of course did not happen).

I wanted to ask for advice, at this stage I have taken my daughter out of school over concerns for her safety. I planned to speak with social services tomorrow as I feel a full investigation should take place into why this level of physical force was used on a 4 year old, and why this policy exists within the school. I feel it has been used against my daughter as a form of punishment and intimidation, and not used as a last resort because they have exhausted all other options. I’ve received phone calls home for less. If my daughter was being so disruptive, why was I not called? Why did my daughter receive a ‘reward’ of hot chocolate and sticker charts immediately after this event?

Naturally I am sick to my stomach thinking of what has been happening to my daughter since she started school, how she has gone from a slightly shy and sensitive girl to completely losing her voice and becoming fearful of the school I am sending her to every day. She has began wetting the bed which is out of the ordinary and her appetite is poor.

@abcd4

Your daughter has developed selective mutism, a fear of getting undressed for PE and using the toilets, physically assaulted in your presence, lying about communications from other professionals, taken away for special cuddles and hot chocolate...?? She hasn't been there long, and she has become afraid to get undressed, stopped talking, you have witnessed one instance of abuse, and taken away for special one to one cuddles and hot chocolate. Any one of them would be a safeguarding concern alone. Deregister her immediately, there are a lot of alarm bells there. Do not send her tomorrow. I would suggest having a few months off to recover and find out exactly what they've done. Re-apply to a different school when she is ready. Call non-emergency police line to report, contact head, council and ofstead. That teacher needs suspending immediately whilst they investigate.

Totally agree with this. Very very odd behaviour from the teacher and she sounds totally unable to deal with the challenging behaviour appropriately.

I also wondered about SEN too. But you may find your DD is just not ready for the school system (or it's not ready for her) and that is okay - take her out and let her be.

Sounds horrendous. My child would not be going back there. She sounds understandably traumatised by everything and they’ve broken her trust. She needs time off to recover and then start somewhere completely new. Complain, complain and complain!

the cuddle/hot chocolate sounds downright weird & sounds like a staff member knew they had gone too far.

That's my impression too. That's so unusual as to be unheard of in a mainstream school. The teacher went way over the top and tried to undo the damage.

Your DD is clearly traumatised by school, and the school is not responding to her needs.
But it's not clear that it is the school who is lying, in fact I think it's more likely to be the nursery. I wouldn't be focusing on whether the nursery had permission from you to speak to the school about your DD, that's a red herring, and in fact I don't think they need your permission to discuss her or pass on info about her to another educational setting. Schools do pass on info when a child moves school.
But it is really concerning that DD has been so affected by her experiences at school, and that she has found starting school so challenging. The school sounds as if it is not putting the right support in place. I would also expect the SENDCO to have been in contact following such serious incidents. Have they contacted you?
You need a formal meeting with the Head and SENCO to find out what they have to support your DD, what they think her needs are, and their version of events.
I suspect that she has needs which the school can't support, and that she would better off elsewhere. You need to get to the bottom of what has actually happened and then make a formal complaint if necessary. But have the meeting first.

Is there a parallel class she could move into?

Move her to a different school straight away. You will not change the culture of this school. Many children go through silent periods when they start in a new environment it’s an anxiety related and is not ‘bad behaviour’. If you can home school for now I’d would do that and take her to lots of lovely places to build her confidence again. Poor lamb.

I doubt verruca a teacher told such a brazen lie. There's probably miscommunication somewhere. The simply answer is to change schools. However your daughter clearly has some issues that need dealing with now rather than later. I suggest an appointment with your GP

Change schools and report to Ofsted

Agree with every other poster, everything about this is concerning. Keep her off until a new school is found for her. Make sure they are aware that there is likely to be ongoing problems due to what has happened at her current school and it may take some time to undo the damage.
You are doing the right thing making as many waves as possible, not all children have parents who are able to advocate for them.

That was awful to read OP so it must be horrendous for your poor daughter to experience every day.

My GS primary school told my daughter that they had spoken to his health visitor when they hadn't at all so I completely believe the school could have lied about that.

My GS is also 4 - without boring you with details I can relate to a lot of what you've said. I really feel for you, I've had my DD on the phone in tears many times over the last month after dealing with the school. The first year at school is supposed to be a positive, exciting period - for my GS and from the sound of it, your DD, it's become a constant cycle of negativity and stress.

My GS has suspected SEN so I've been looking at other schools in the area with my DD - the trouble is his current school talked the talk before he started, that they're very experienced with SEN, blah blah but that's not been my GS's experience at all; it's almost like they've never encountered a child with SN so how can you assess a potential schools suitability? It's very stressful.

As a teacher, I echo everything here. I also echo the comments that you really mustn't tell your child that she doesn't have to do things. School doesn't work like that.

I have restrained pupils but only when they were trying to run off and could endanger themselves or others.

This is very upsetting to read. If it was my DD, I'd have to move her...the part where you contacted the nursery and found out the hadn't spoken to the school was really chilling.

I’ve never said this before but I would definitely be moving her. Utterly shocking behaviour from the teacher.

That sounds very distressing for you and your DD.

DC can display very different behaviour in different settings, sometimes this can be a good thing. We regularly get parents who can’t believe the lovely things we say about their children .

Does she go to any extra curricular activities, where you could observe her within a group, and without you? It might give you an insight into DD out of the home.

Hopefully the investigation will give you the answers you need, but on the face of it I can see why you are so concerned.

For context, I have needed to use positive handling techniques (TeamTeach) in the past when pupils have been a danger to themselves or others, and it is something that staff have to be specifically trained to use safely.

We have on rare occasions had to use it with a reception age child. Even some small children can pose considerable risk when they have reached crisis point, and remember their peers are also small and therefore easily hurt.

If such positive handling techniques were needed for DD it will have been recorded, you are entitled to see all such information held about your DD.

One pp raised an important point about sharing techniques with the school. If there is something you say/do to encourage DD to do the things she is reluctant to do, passing on this info would be invaluable for them and give some familiarity to DD.

Remember that the staff are likely to be 30:2 maybe even 30:1 in reception year especially in the case of illness or another child needing specific support. So understanding of and compliance with boundaries is expected to a fairly confident degree. Telling DD she doesn’t have to do x,y,z is perhaps giving her confusing messages, when that effectually entails opting out of the curriculum. Maybe getting to the cause of her unease changing and helping her with that would be more helpful to DD in the long run.

I agree with other posters , I would move her but at the same time I wouldn’t want them getting away with it - expose them for their lies and make sure they don’t get thebguNse to do this to another child. Your poor little girl, it sounds like you know what you’re doing though, she’s got a good mum so she will be fine with you on her side x

Thank you so much everyone for your advice. I had not considered a SEN assessment so I will look into this. I agree with the general consensus of having an external body investigate what’s happened here. I planned to ask for a copy of my daughter’s entire record tomorrow, including a record of the incident.

If she is displaying behaviour in school that is completely inconsistent with both home and nursery (nursery confirmed the claims of the teacher of how my child behaves at school didn’t sound like the same child, that she isn’t defiant just lacks confidence - why would she behave so differently at school to nursery?), I would have expected the school to work closely with me and liaise with nursery on how best to support her. From what I gather, my daughter as been given punishments for non-compliance of certain ‘rules’ that she is still getting to understand e.g. she had play time taken away because she waved slowly when the register was being taken (this was a few weeks into her starting school).

Also with regards to their behaviour policy, this was not available on their website. As far as I can tell, the school is not an academy and therefore is required by law to have it on there? I honestly had no idea such a procedure existed, especially to be used on reception class children. I expect lots of other parents are not aware.

We are in England by the way :)

Oh my goodness, your poor little girl sending tou both 💗
As pp have said I'd move her. You've done the right thing and I'd not stop with the investigation x

Bi @agpennypacker I am a school governor and I strongly urge you to make a formal report to the safeguarding lead and cc the chair of governors and the LEA.

The physical restraint you describe does happen BUT it has to be sanctioned by the head, council, social services and the parents. It is usually a very last resort. As a trainee teacher we had to get this pit 8n place with a child in my class, she could be a lovely kiddy but could also be very violent and out other children in great danger. It was not an easy or lightly taken decision.

Your dd needs you to be her protector. In your letter inform the school etc that until this has been investigated and correct procedures implemented you will not be returning your dd to their care.

She is not compulsory school age til the term after she is 5 so whatever they treated over fines etc is absolute bollocks and don't let them bully you.

Goodness, this sounds like an 'alternative' school with their own ideas on behaviour rules and reinforcement. Your dd will be traumatised and there is no way she should be going back after the manhandling through the door until you can be sure it will not happen again.
The reference to the nursery by the teacher, if it wasn't an outright lie, had me wondering if the information was passed informally, ie the teacher is friends with an employee of the nursery. Generally information is passed from one setting to another but not via this method
I'm assuming the 'positive placing' was because she had become a danger to herself or others but given the grabbing earlier by the teacher, I wouldn't place any faith in how this was carried out.
Good luck with escalating your concerns.

Just to clear some things up. I don’t tell my daughter she can do whatever she wants/doesn’t have to do everything. I absolutely tell her she must do what the teachers tell her to do if she does not want to get into trouble. My comment related to this specific issue only - getting changed for PE because it was such a stressful point for her, and I honestly believed the school would not force her to do this, rather encourage her gently and slowly. The comment I made is not a reflection on how I discipline my daughter, or encourage her to do things she doesn’t want so please do not read into it that way. Nor is it a reflection of how she behaves out of my care, and whilst she has her quirks like many children, I would not describe her as naughty or disruptive to others and her nursery have echoed this. And yes, we have had many conversations over what her fears are with PE but ultimately she can only tell me she is too scared. I link this back to her fears of using the toilet around other children, which she did eventually overcome with the support of the nursery staff.

I provided detailed written information about my daughter to her teacher when she started (mentioning the issues about PE, potential toileting issues, her shyness and how she likes to observe group activities rather than join in immediately). We have also discussed these points during parents evening, phone calls etc.

I have carried my daughter into school twice only, the two days leading up to the event because she had become so scared it was the only way I could get her into the building.

If a picture has been painted that I offer my daughter bribes, or give in when she says no, this is incorrect. She does not scream at me because she is not a screamer, never has been. She cries, she gets upset, like any other child who has been told off. But never screams.

Regarding the ‘nursery’ lie, I’m afraid it was a detailed lie. It began when I’d been given a report of some of my daughter’s behaviour (specifics) over a period of a couple of weeks. Each time I told her teacher that it surprised me as I hadn’t seen her behave that way at home, or made aware by nursery of it. The teacher then responded by saying “I’ve phoned xxx nursery and they confirmed she was the same there”. I said it shocked me as I would have expected them to tell me whilst she was there, her teacher then responded saying “they probably didn’t tell you because it wasn’t a big deal”. So cannot be described as a miscommunication in anyway.

When I relayed the description of my daughter’s behaviour given to me by the teacher to her nursery, they responded by saying it did not even sound like the same child. They confirmed she is not defiant, just shy.

Finally, she was off nursery for 12 months during the pandemic. During this time she developed a new fear of other children, her body would freeze if any children came near her at the park over fear of germs I imagine, and would cry. This was a big concern for me when she went back to nursery again for 5 months before starting school. She completely surprised me and within a couple of weeks she was playing happily with other children, has made a best friend etc. Aside from some confidence issues around using the toilet etc (she had recently started potty training so it was all new to her) I had no concerns about her which made me hopeful for her starting and settling into school.

Your poor daughter. I have no advice to offer but I just hope you manage to get it sorted and she starts to feel better x

She doesn't have to be in school until she is 5. You don't have to send her.

@Terminallysleepdeprived

Bi *@agpennypacker* I am a school governor and I strongly urge you to make a formal report to the safeguarding lead and cc the chair of governors and the LEA.

The physical restraint you describe does happen BUT it has to be sanctioned by the head, council, social services and the parents. It is usually a very last resort. As a trainee teacher we had to get this pit 8n place with a child in my class, she could be a lovely kiddy but could also be very violent and out other children in great danger. It was not an easy or lightly taken decision.

Your dd needs you to be her protector. In your letter inform the school etc that until this has been investigated and correct procedures implemented you will not be returning your dd to their care.

She is not compulsory school age til the term after she is 5 so whatever they treated over fines etc is absolute bollocks and don't let them bully you.

I’m a primary Head Teacher and dont condone the way this has been handled at all but incorrectly quoted ‘facts’ arent helpful. The Restrictive use of Force guidelines come from the DFE there is no requirement for parents to give consent or the council or social services’. The guidance is very clear.

I would also move your child. Complaining to
ofsted wont lead to anything as they dont handle individual complaints - they will pass this to the LA and respond to you stating this. Once you have exhausted the school complaints procedure then the dfe is who to
Complain to.

e.g. she had play time taken away because she waved slowly when the register was being taken (this

This alone is entirely unprofessional and cruel. The teacher hasn’t got a clue what she is doing.

Please do not send her in for another day.

@htpri maybe not where you are, but when this was the case for me all of the above had to agree.