Approaching school and not the parent

[Mbear]

I want to speak to my son’s class teacher about some potential low level bullying that has just started. DS has spoken up quickly, at this point he’s not upset (although the says he’s a bit anxious about it). The boy is saying DS has girls hair - DS says that this boy has previously done this to another child who has now left the school - I don’t know if the 2 things are related.
My issue is that I kind of know the boys mum - they boys play on the same sports team. I think she would be pretty aghast if she knew her DS was doing this to my DS (but I don’t know that 100%). I can’t quite articulate why I don’t want to approach her and that I want to go straight to the teacher, and I don’t know what to say if she does approach me (and she might not).
I don’t know when name calling becomes bullying and when DS may need to learn to brush off some of it just because he doesn’t find it funny.
Both boys are 9.

Yes this is tricky isn’t it. I suppose it depends how well you know the other Mum. I think I would be inclined to have a gentle word with Mum in a very non aggressive way. Something along the lines of ‘I hear the boys have been squabbling abut recently.’ If she is a decent Mum she will ask the relevant questions. Maybe casually mention you know kids fall out, but you would hate things to escalate.

Then if things do get worse/escalate you will be guilt free that you tried to do the right thing to start with and you can then approach the teacher. You will also be able to advise the school that you have tried to speak to Mum already which should go in your favour.

My suggestion would be to speak with the school as they might be able to sort it without involving the parents at all. Once parents get involved it is a bit of a minefield. If they want to get cross and defensive about it then this will probably happen no matter how and who raises the behaviour with them. Sorry, not much help I know - my views are slightly tainted by my personal experience (parents turned nasty with us, dd and school when the behaviour of their child was raised with them).

Just do it through school - involving the other parents is a total no-no.

Totally agree. Speak to the school only. Most parents get very defensive when their own children are involved. It is unlikely to resolve much and could make matters significantly worse.

School. Go to the school. Parents, even friends, don't always act rationally when their child's behaviour is called into question.