Can schools realistically do anything about bullying if it's not physical?

[user1486737884]

Just wondering if I'm being unrealistic about what a school can do if a child is being ignored, gossiped about and excluded.
We have already been told that they can't force friendships, which I know is true.
I am awaiting a reply from my dd's school, as we have told them she is so unhappy she wants to leave. She appears to be the target of subversive bullying and gossip to the point where the ring leader is getting more support by the day.
My dd is ill with the stress and looks like a zombie.
My dh thinks we are just prolonging the inevitable and should just take her out.
We can't make people of 14 years of age be nice to each other is his view.

Yes they can - and should do

But it rarely happens - if all else fails you have to walk away for her mental health - and I don't say that lightly - the effects are enormous

Thanks for replying, although the tone of your answer indicates that you speak from bitter experience, sadly.
Hope all is well now.

Astro55
Yes they can - and should do

what should they do?

Keep records - log all complaints - find the pattern - find the ring leader - deal with the issue as bullying rather than singular incidents

I.E - Monday PE - tripped over - spoken to by Y Ms X
Tuesday - sworn at in science - spoken to by Mr R
Tuesday Lunch time - water spilt on lunch - Mrs k cleaned up and replaced lunch
Wednesday - snapchat - Tutor involved - class spoken to about internet abuse
Thursday - stomach ache - off school
Friday - Boys shouting insults at break - HOY speaks to boys

.... see the pattern - deal with the issues -

So records may show behaviour points for X Y and Z but there's no link to DD - X may have detention but again not linked to DD - there's no way for teachers to see a pattern

In our situation there is no Mrs X to witness anything?
If only it was that simple.

I suppose what I am saying is that there are so many teachers that there can be bullying without it sticking out etc

Can she move forms?

What's the real issue?

When my son was bullied the school did a few things to help...They did a whole class session on bullying, not singling one person out, they were zero tolerance on name calling, they asked my child to name some people he liked and got on with and then invited those children to play with him and look after him a bit, then finally he had a rest orifice justice meeting with the children involved which he hated but it seemed to work.

Restorative!

As Astro suggests, keep records, or see if you can jot down any key recurring patterns.

Is it in class, at break/lunch, to/ from school?
Is it the same people? Who?
What happens / gets said?
How is it affecting your DD?
How is it impacting her school work & homework?
How has it been going on?
What would you like to happen?

the thing is that I have seen children with behaviour records as long as your arm from different teachers.
I've seen the restorative justice sessions, the detentions, the higher level detentions.
I've seen the external agencies brought in.
The bullied being moved.
The bullies being moved.
The parents of both the bully and bullied in tears.
The parents of the bully making excuses
The parents of the bully refusing a managed move and then appealing against the perm exclusion.
I've seen the amount of paperwork that it takes to move the bully, either through a managed move or perm ex.
I've seen the bully make it look like the bullied is bullying them.
And I've seen the bullies friends cover for the bully.
I've even seen bullies cower a class in to refusing to make statements.
In the end it only stops if the bully either stops it or is forced to stop.

Did you get a response from the school?

Of course the school can take some simple actions. First thing is that someone actually needs to listen to the child to find out what's happening and who is involved. The teachers not having time is not a valid excuse! Exclusion, name calling, etc may not leave physical marks so it is ignored more readily, but it can cause massive emotional distress and needs to be taken seriously.

Moving forms and/or classes away from the main culprit should be quick and simple if it seems to be a solution. If the child doesn't want that or it's not practical, there are other really simple ways of lessening contact.

The teachers could use some kind of seating plan in the classroom to separate the culprit/victim. When putting the class into groups, they could choose the groupings themselves rather than leaving it to the class. Anything to give a bit of breathing space away from the main culprits would enable new friendships to form.

I remember my own horrendous bullying. Some of the teachers lazily put us in seating plans or small groups based alphabetically via surnames. I always ended up with the bullies because they were immediately infront and behind my name alphabetically. So simple to cure, but the teachers I had couldn't give a stuff and just ignored my pleas for a different way of doing it! So, lesson after lesson, I got no respite from the general nastiness, put-downs, name-calling, etc.

Head of year is phoning me on Monday.
What do I want to happen? I want it to stop, but I don't think it will and there is nothing the school can realistically do about it.
They have said to me before, it's one person's word against another, we can't force friendships etc etc.

Ask for what you would like to happen but think through what would do for second best, for example having someone at school she can talk to and build strategies to help with resilience and protecting her mental health.

It's may be a bit mercenary but it you can see it affecting her school work or attendance, highlight that. The school has as interest in it not harming results.

And have a look if they have a bullying policy on their website and quote it back at them if needed. Hopefully they'll come up with something.

School have said they will ask class teachers to keep an eye on the girl who is targetting my dd to watch for anything iffy, also that my dd is to report straight away any other incidents.
I have e-mailed them to clarify what they will do in relation to the previous things my dd has reported, I presume I am entitled to know what action they may take?

No - they won't discuss what they did in respect of another pupil

Did you get a date for review? Technically a week - so the teacher reports back any issues

So they might not even speak to the other student then and I wouldn't know?
Have no review date.
DD has come home from school with a migraine, her year head spoke with her this morning and said to report any future issues and that teachers would be keeping an eye on things. My dd did point out that the other student isn't daft enough to do stuff in class, it's far more subversive.
The reply to my e-mail has been that they can only act on what my dd reports at the time and he is considering what to do in respect of the issues I raised this morning with him on the phone.

I am new to this site but just reading the comments has made me a feel a little better as it feels at though it is just my daughter who is suffering with verbal bullying and not sure what school can do about.

How is DD now OP?

Have things improved?

Parents have no power and have to endure their children being conti loudly harassed and bullied by concerning children. My child attends SEVEN MILLS PRIMARY SCHOOL and they have a very relaxed attitude to persistent bullying behaviour. A boy has been bullying not only my son but also other children in the class for the past year and school are not doing enough to combat or tackle this behaviour! Don't send your child to this school unless you want a traumatised child on your hands.