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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

Son accused of bullying

18 replies

user1468361685 · 12/07/2016 23:31

Hi all,

My daughter and few friends have all been accused of bullying when playing a game of tag. One of the girls was held back and then tripped in the process. However my daughter was not involved in reds to tripping or the holding. But was named as a participate.

So to cut a long story short. The victims parents went to the head teacher and complained. Now the school has decided that they are guilty after being interviewed by the headteacher and victims mother, one by one and without my knowledge.

Honestly that does not sound right to me? I suspect the mother isn't checked by the DBS/CRB. What right does she have to be present during a formal investigation? My daughter has told me she was scared to death having to standing in front of them both and confess.

Any thoughts on this as the school is current ignoring any requests for a meeting or providing any justification for the bullying.

Thanks all.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1468361685 · 12/07/2016 23:33

Oppps the header should be 'Daughter accused of bullying'

OP posts:

CodyKing · 12/07/2016 23:36

Firstly I'd agree the parent shouldn't be there - also any child accused of bullying should by definition In The complaints procedure - should have a parent present.

Bullying is persistent - so there maybe more too it

But - if your DD witnesses bullying and doesn't intervene either verbally or by telling a teacher - she in colluding with the bully - by association and therefor would be guilty

Make sure you are prepared to listen and have a meeting - then follow up by asking DD and then have another meeting

How old are the girls?

GinnyMcginface · 12/07/2016 23:39

Have you spoken to the school for their version? For a school to use the term buoying, the incident you describe isn't enough. STOP is the acronym we use-several times on purpose. Your daughter may have the wrong end of the stick about what she is in trouble for-that is, one incident of poor judgement, or, if it is bullying, then more than this has happened. If it were bullying though, you would have surely been called in?

GinnyMcginface · 12/07/2016 23:39

*bullying

CodyKing · 12/07/2016 23:43

No they don't call parents in unfortunately - that would be admitting the school had an issue - however the complaints procedure states that parents would be called in these incidences - OP you are getting mixed messages I feel

age81 · 12/07/2016 23:43

How old is your Son/Daughter?

Original poster

user1468361685 · 12/07/2016 23:45

The girls are 7.

My wife and I have never been called in for any instances of bullying. I know the next the days after the incident, they were all out playing tag again!

I know the victim was being bullied but another pupils while back.....word gets around, so everyone knows.

We have tried to contact the school but they are ignoring emails, calls even face to face.

OP posts:

callherwillow · 12/07/2016 23:46

It is completely inappropriate for a child to be grilled by someone else's parent, regardless of the circumstances.

GinnyMcginface · 12/07/2016 23:48

For an incident of bullying it's normal procedure for the parents of both parties to be informed to help all the children involved. I've been a teacher a long time and have never heard of a school that wouldn't do that because they wouldn't want to admit there was a problem?? I sincerely hope that's not the case but certainly in our school this would be the case; incidents of confirmed bullying also appear in the head teacher's report to the governors.

callherwillow · 12/07/2016 23:49

Informed, absolutely: come into the school and question other people's children?

Original poster

user1468361685 · 12/07/2016 23:50

@GinnyMcginface

The events of the interview/grilling is confirmed by all girls involved.

Interviewed/Confession in front of headteacher/parent and also give verbal sorry.
Back in again to write the victim a sorry note.
Back in again to write another sorry note victims parents.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1468361685 · 12/07/2016 23:53

Yes, we have been told that the a report has been filed to the governors.

OP posts:

GinnyMcginface · 12/07/2016 23:53

Oh sorry I think we are at cross led purposes. I had asked if the OP had been called in as that would be normal of your child has been found to have been involved in bullying. I didn't mean it's normal for the other child's parents to be called in-that's most odd and inappropriate! The point I was (badly) making was that doubt the op's child would have been found to have been a bully without the op being spoken to which leads me to think the child has been asked about one incident and maybe is upset/confused about the outcome? Sorry, very tired!

Original poster

user1468361685 · 12/07/2016 23:59

They are all confused about what they have done wrong. They were playing fine one day, the next day they are called in and accused of bullying by the victims parent.

Thank you for your responses, I head back into the school tomorrow, see if I get any more info. This whole episode is messed up and IHMO gone way much further that it needed to be.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1468361685 · 13/07/2016 21:10

Evening, so we got to the school and the headteacher and principle headteacher were too busy to speak to us or even allow us to make an appointment.

We were told an email was coming to us, which we never got. Headteacher said he might have some time tomorrow but wouldn't make any promises. Also his view was that correct procedures must of been taken as the principle headteacher 'has many years of experience'.

I am utter lost for words now.

OP posts:

CodyKing · 13/07/2016 22:14

Can you find the complaints procedure? Might be online.

Also as the report is about your child you can ask to view it.

Have the other parents been in? Or contacted? Received an email.

Original poster

user1468361685 · 14/07/2016 00:07

I've read the complaints procedure and are reviewing it.

Other parents have received the email and are in the same boat. No meetings/comms and only an email that says the correct procedures have been taken and the matter is now formally closed.

OP posts:

CodyKing · 14/07/2016 07:10

Ask for a copy of the procedures they followed. As a parent you should be in agreement with these

Doesn't sound like something any parent would agree with.

Email them today to say you don't consider the case closed and request a meeting.

Heads should have an open door policy to parents

But keep a paper trail

'Further to my phone call I requested a meeting ...

'Further to my visit I was expecting x contact ...'

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