Is this Bullying - do I Tell Teacher (Reception)?

[Matesnotdates]

Hi all. I am so unsure of what to do, dh and I are asking your advice. DS is 4, in reception, one of the youngest boys. He is very small, and is dyspraxic. He's also cheeky and funny.

He came home last week saying that one of the other boys in his class 'doesn't like him'. He says this other boy hits him, then asks DS not to tell the teacher. I asked where he hit him and he indicated his head. So, this week I have been asking him 'Has xxx hit you today?' What hurt me was yesterday DS little face lit up and he said 'No mummy he was nice to me today - he pretended to sit on me and we laughed'. He was so overjoyed at 'being liked'.

Today I asked him what had happened and he said 'Oh xxxx was mean to me. When we sat next to each other, he moved away from me as far as he could and the teacher asked him to move back.'

OK so what do we do? We have hitting and 'being mean'. Does that constitute a problem to be taken to the teacher or should I just keep an eye on it by monitoring DS?

Thank you all.

I would definitely have a word with the teacher, tell her your concerns and ask her to monitor the situation. 4 y olds should never be left unsupervised to the extent that "hitting" on a regular basis is not being noticed. try to stop asking the "did XXXX hit you today" questions and try to just ask questions about his day in general and if he mentions any problems with the other child keep a note of them and ask to see the teacher again. Hope this is helpful.

Hi rufusnine - thanks. I don't want to be PFB about this! Why should I stop asking 'did xxx hit you?'? To not draw his attention to it? I always ask about his day so will continue like that.

The reason you've been given the advice not to ask leading questions like 'did x hit you'. Is because your DS will start to think the correct answer to that question is yes, regardless of what happened. This is because he will get increased attention/sympathy/a hug from telling you, he also naturally looks for approval from you so if you ask him a leading question he will try and give you the 'right' answer, which may or may not be true.

Hth.

I agree with rufusnine & fwiw, I don't think you're being PFB at all. My eldest is in Reception & I'd be in there like a shot for any of my boys.

Good luck & hope it goes well with the teacher & you get things sorted.

Because if you ask did xxx hit you he may say yes when it was yesterday or last week he hit him. Or he may say yes when actually xxxx was horrid in a different way or a million and one more important things happened.

Small tired DC say yes a lot to adults questions, it can be pretty meaningless and expensive (DD2 saying yes to every question the optician asked and ending up with the wrong prescription)

Did xxx hit you is a closed question, it can only be answered yes or no.

Open questions like what did you do at break or who did you play with are likely to give a better picture of his day.

Xposted

And good luck, DD1 gets more than her fair share of bullying and it really shouldn't happen.

Sarcalogos - ah thank you I totally get it now. Actually that is really really helpful, I hadn't thought of it impacting like that.

Startail - thank you too. That makes total sense.

I love ack - thank you - I have been PFB in the past so good to know when i am not being!

Thank you all, you have sooo helped - will go in after school tomorrow and have a word.

I was bullied at school and it sucks.

Sounds like the teacher is on it already ie identifying hurtful comment and making sure children move back to seats.

I'll go out on a limb here and say this is not bullying and is not something to address with the teacher.

Rather than that I'd role play a few situations with your child and give him 2 or 3 short sentances to say to build-up his tool bank of responses for dealing with irratating class-mates.

ie says I'm goona punch you, your child says I'm telling the teacher and thrust arm into the air to attract teacher (teach your boy that someone is not allowed to threaten him, he doesn't have to wait to be hit before telling the teacher)

Ooops Rosemary thank you but too late. We told teacher in a very low key way, basically just saying what happened and asking her to keep an eye on it. DS definitely needs those responses in his armoury though so thank you.

Hope that your ds is ok. My ds is also 4 and in reception, you wouldn't think that bullying could happen in such a young class. It's probably the best time for children to learn that it's not ok to physically hurt others or hurt their feelings. Saw a great sesame street about bullying on youtube, it got my ds chatting about how to treat others and to tell a grown up if someone is getting hurt.