Night weaning using Dr Jay Gordon's method - anyone want to join me?

[BosomForAPillow]

I have seen lots of people on here recommend this way of night weaning by Jay Gordon and think it's time for me to give it a go. My dd is 19 months and still wakes for a comfort feed once/twice/six times a night.

Just wondered if anyone else is thinking of doing this and want to start it together? I am going for phase 1 this weekend.

er, abort mission. he woke at 3am last night and got really upset so i am abandoning it for the mean time. boo.

Hi everyone!
Sounds like people are having mixed results - I think we all deserve a medal

Well for the last few weeks I've been trying to introduce DD to the concept of self settling with mixed results - I take her off before she falls asleep and then put her in her cot, sometimes she goes straight down sometimes she cries so we have another cuddle and I try to put her down again when she's happier iyswim? I've been trying not to bring her into my bed until at least after midnight (I don't know why that magical time - just makes me feel better that she spends half the night in her own bed!).
Then last night, I bf her at 10.30 put her back in her cot and she slept till 11.30, and by this point she had woken me up from deep sleep twice in 2 hrs so I was getting a teensy bit ratty now . Took her into our bed but refused boob- she went mad!
Ferreting hands, nose and crying mouth trying to get at me, but I offered her cuddles and bottle of water and after 3 or 4 10 min tantrums, she resigned herself to the fact that no boob was coming out so went back to sleep I was so pleased with myself this morning that I stuck to my guns (despite DH moaning at 4am saying 'If you had never had breastfed we wouldn't have all this trouble now' - yeh helpful advice ya f'#ker )so going to do the same tonight until I'm hoping she may start to not wake up after that 10.30 ish feed and sleep through (now I am getting ahead of myself...a whole 4 hours of unbroken sleep...could it be true lol!!).
But even if I can just get her off feeding all night, that'll be a monumental step forward, then I can tackle the other issue of co-sleeping, then I can tackle stopping bfing ... well, it all sounds good eh??! Not sure if it'll work out that way tho!
Watch this space
Hope everyone else is having marginal degree's of sucess too x

Hi again,
Good to hear from people who are having some success.
Dr Jay and his 3 day phases don't seem to be working that well for anyone do they? Think we're all in it for the long haul!
I am going to have a proper go at phase 2 again now, as have had the week from hell. Think I must have fed dd 10 times last night!

Hammy, did dd go from 10:30 til morning yesterday? Or just keep waking up but not for milk?
Ruby, sounds like you made a good start but teeth are always a killer.
SN and TL good luck!

Hi BFAP,
No she initially went down at 7, then woke up at 10.30, I gave her a feed, she went down again in her bed till 11.30 and thats when I lost the will to sit with her in her bedroom until she went back off, so bought her back into my bed.
So between 11.30 and 6am this morning she must've woke about 4 times (can't really remember exactly how many but it felt more than 4 lol!) in between those 6.5 hours screaming for milk. I just held onto my top with one hand and offered her the water with the other.
Am hoping this method will work again tonight we'll see eh?!
I'll report back tomorrow

Sorry that was last night...blimey I confuse myself!!

Hi Bosom, yeah he genuinely seems to be suffering! I am going to try and get some zzzzzzz any which way, and ten try again in a month. He'll be a month more competent at the eaing so..

He DID up is intake during the day for that week so I do think he is nearly there. It is just not anyway near what some spoon-fed babies are getting so i can still only assume he is hungry! Really tricky!

Morning everyone, how is everyone today?
I had not too bad a night, DD went down about 7.30, woke at 12.45am so bought her into my bed but didn't give her boobie to which she screamed for about 5 mins but then went to sleep.
She woke again about 4am and screamed for 10 mins when she couldn't have boob but then went back to sleep until 6am
So definately feel proud of us that we're not having boobie all night long.
But what now? I'm not sure how to play this next move...do I just carry on with the no boobie between 11-6 and try to get her to self settle in her own bed?
I've not been feeding her to sleep but she's not wide awake when I put her down either so what do you ladies think?
My husband has been snapping at me, saying that breastfeeding has not been the best thing from the start as our DD is always ill, its been only something I could do, I should've stopped when she was 6 months and we wouldn't be in this position, I just didn't want to detach from her and many more gems like that
I believe that I did what I thought was the best thing for my DD, yes I shouldn't have fed her to sleep and yes I shouldn't have co-slept but we all make rods for our own backs at times.
I'm shattered, trying to work f/t as many of us do, look after my terminally ill MIL and everything else - I am trying to do whats best for DD and DH but when I get faced with criticism like that first thing in morning its hard not to just cry.
Perhaps I didn't want to stop the breastfeeding before now as both she and I have always enjoyed it (she's 2 on Monday)and like husband said - I didn't want to detach from her as she is going to be my last baby (can't afford anymore)and like I said, we enjoy it.
But I do need to bring it to an end now as I do need to get more than 3 hours at a time sleep!
Sorry for the vent of emotion...just feel like the worlds worst mummy and wife today.

oh hammy you poor thing - DHs can be not so darling sometimes can't they! i would stick to not feeding from 7:30 - until morning - she did it last night and she is 2 so doesn't need the food, surely. carry on having her in your bed if you like it, if not, get her into her own bed - does she have a nice one, can you set her up with a nice one/nice light/little book stand or something to entice her into her own bed. if it were me, i'd be 'come on sunshine - time for sleep in your own bed!' you have her age on your side - she is more than capable - and if you stuck at it, i imagine she would be in her bed all night in no time.

saying all this, she's your last so its entirey up to you ! you gotta do what you gotta do!

ps definitely NOT worlds worst mummy and wife - that is the lack of zzzzzzzz talking!

Thanks Ruby, you have made me feel a lot better
I think tonight I'm going to keep going with no boob after 11pm and then keep her in her room her bed tonight...even if it means I crash out on a mattress next to her cot lol!!
At least DH will get a decent nights sleep then
Very sound advice thank you Ruby... determined to make this work!
Good luck to you and everyone else this weekend!

Hey Hammy, sorry to hear DH is snapping at you, it's probably his lack of sleep making him do that. My DH has had similar worries and said recently "It feels like we might have done something wrong," partly I think because we are the only RL people we know who have a baby who never sleeps through the night and bf all night, partly because someone from his work brought their baby in this week and he found out "He sleeps 7-7". I say "There's loads of people in the same boat on mumsnet!" but not sure that convinces him. Anyway you know you have done the best for your dd and met her needs, as bf and co-sleeping is what she wanted, same as my dd - I didn't plan this but she literally would not sleep for a second if I tried to put her in the Moses basket so we have co-slept from day 1.

Sounds like you have been doing brilliantly with the nightweaning - your previous post inspired me to give it another go properly last night and it went much better than expected. We had no milk between 11:30pm and just before 5am... three or four wake ups and crying inbetween but not for as long as I might have thought. Going to keep it going tonight and try to make it all the way from 11-6.

The sweetest thing was that in the morning when I did bf dd, she said "Niiiiiiice!" afterwards, which she's never said for milk before. (It's usually reserved for cake!) A little bit heart wrenching actually but at least she didn't bear a grudge and was so happy to have her milk in the morning.

One thing I'm wondering about is the whole 11-6 idea, what if their first wake up is after 11? Dd woke up for the first time at 11:30 so according to Dr G it would be no milk but then she'd have to go from 8 or whatever time she fell asleep. (Which is obviously desirable but not sure it's that fair when only just starting to nightwean.) Anyway I decided to give her milk as otherwise it felt a bit like I'd be punishing her for a long first sleep (well 3 hours but you ladies know that can be considered good compared to some nights!).

Also I'm thinking same as you regarding own bed - ideally would like to get dd sleeping longer in hers too. I'm hoping once they get used to the no milk at night idea, they sleep longer, then sleep through (fingers crossed) then just magically stay all night in own bed! I can't even imagine it but maybe one day.

Good luck for tonight anyone saying "No milk, milk in the morning" x 300 like I will be.

Ah, Bosom that is so sweet when your DD said 'Niiccce!' after her first morning feed bless her!
Your doing so well too...its just having that fellow mum saying 'your doing well' to give you the boost of encouragement and self-assurance that what your doing is right and worthwhile! Thanks ladies
I think I would do exactly the same as you Bosom, if DD woke up half hour after that magic cut off point, I think I would still feed her but maybe just a short feed, 5 mins or so. DD has seemed to have slept for at least an hour after cutoff point at mo but Im sure I will get to experiance this in the next few nights!
Your right about DH, he is tired and because we bottle fed my DS (3yrs) and never had any of these problems, everything tends to get blamed onto bf
Oh well - onwards and upwards I say...
Good luck for the weekend Bosom, Ruby and everyone else... lets have some positive good stories to share with everyone on Monday!!

glad it helped a bit hammy. i know what you mean about the after 11:30 bit - it does seem a bit but then I suppose cold turkey does work sometimes! i have a sneaky suspicion that my little DS will hang on as long as possible! he seems SO genuinely comforted by bfing at night - it seems mean to take it away. i am leaving it for a bit - he is only 8.5 months and i will just have to go to bed earlier for a bit longer! borrrring! i AM going to try and not feed him at the 2/3am wake up but i won't refuse if he won't settle...

anyway, good luck for the weekend!

hi ladies

Can I join you? I have a 12 month old I'm trying to get off the boob. Mainly cos he's an ivf baby and you can't do ivf while b/fing so to have any chance of a sibling I need to get him off it! Kind of sad about that really but anyway...

Have been starting with day weaning which really isn't too bad - I just distract him or give him a bottle if he's thirsty, or take him for a walk to get him to sleep for naps. And I've just started putting him in his cot awake at night and shush/patting him to sleep (picking him up for a cuddle if he gets upset, then down again), and that seems to have been working amazingly well. But the night wakings are going to be a problem...I've always brought him into bed with me (DH relegated to spare room..) and fed him back to sleep - the few times i've tried not to he's got hysterical and I've caved in pretty quick...)

Don't think any of us should regret b/fing in the first place, though. I do think it does them so much good both physically and emotionally, even if its hard wrenching them off it...

Hi tholeon,
Sorry to hear you're sad to stop bfing but it will all be worth it to have a sibling for ds.

Maybe it would be easier to keep bedtime milk for now and tackle night waking, then when he's cracked that it would be easier to swap bedtime milk for a bottle? I don't know though, dd would have been inconsolable at 12 months throught the night too.

I didn't do as well as I hoped last night. Same 11:30 first waking & milk and a couple of wakings after that - very angry crying accompanied by slapping me round the face for a bit (!), but not for long - then I fed her at a 4 a.m. waking. Oops, think I was thinking "Close enough to 5," but I'm actually supposed to be going until 6!

Must keep strong tonight.

through the night

Morning everyone!

Tholeon - I agree with Bosom, just tackle the daytime feed drops and then after a few weeks start to wean gradually the night feeds.
My DD is a boob monster (well, wouldn't say monster but she does love it bless her!)
.
I dropped her day feeds just after christmas but have only just (in the last week) started dropping night feeds and she turned 2 yesterday
But if I had a reason as you do that needs you to stop bf then I definately would not have fed her for this long!
Sounds like what you've been doing is exactly how I tackled it in the day too...well done your doing really well

Bosom - Morning! Its easier said then done sticking to any new weaning plan when we're awake in the day, but when you can't even open your eye's in the wee early hours, our little ferrets take advantage of our lowered defences!
Don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing great and your LO is adapting it just takes time eh?

As for me - well I continued with the 'no boobie' between 11pm and 6pm and its going surprisingly well - I say in a quiet uncocky manner as I know I've probably jinxed it now and set myself up for a weeks nights worth of hell
After the 4th night she doesn't even grizzle or go for boob when she wakes up, just has some of her water and goes back to sleep, albeit in my bed!
So a typical night goes something like, she goes down with a boobie feed by 7pm, she usually wakes up before 11pm (she just knows!) has another small feed and back down in her cot and then she's been sleeping anything up until 3.30am in her cot, at that time I bring her into our's where she just has a little drink, rolls over and goes back to sleep till about 5.30-6.
I don't feed her though again so she has about 1 or 2 feeds early evening and she seems ok with that.
Just got to really tackle the self-settling, sleeping in her own cot all night thing now - I feel this will be the REAL challenge, droppin the feeds was the easy bit.
So hope everyone else has had better nights and doing ok?

Hi everyone,
Hammy, sounds like you are doing really well with no milk 11pm-6. Good on you and dd for adapting!

I have been doing one feed when dd first wakes, which has been getting later and later - last night 12:30, then have been gradually doing the morning feed later as well...5:45 this morning so I'm almost at 6! Am wondering what would happen if I refused the midnight one as that would stick to the 11-6 no milk thing better but not quite ready yet.

One wake up last night went like this:
dd "Malk!"
me "No milk, have milk in the morning."
dd "Meh."

She did cry at another wake up (or 2...not sure!) but hoping for more of the grunt and roll over back to sleep in this week as she gets more and more used to it.

Does your dd still cry on the wake ups when you're refusing bf or is she quite happy to have her water and go back to sleep?

Will let you know if I crack the magic 6am tonight/tomorrow morning!

Anyone else doing it? How's it going?

Morning everyone!
Bosom - Sounds like your DD is getting used to not having all her milk feeds from what you've said...if your ready, try refusing the midnight feed - nothing ventured nothing gained eh? What's the worse that can happen? She cries for maybe 5 - 10 mins...offer her a bottle of water instead.
My DD screamed and cried for the first couple of nights when she woke, but by the 3rd or 4th night she just rolled over after a brief drink of water.
Sounds like your doing fantastic though...should be really proud of what you've both acheived!
Well - (I'm really reluctant to broadcast this as I feel that I will jinx it but must share my news with you all ) I had quite a tricky night Tuesday.
DD went down as normal, woke at 9m for a feed and then again at 10,45pm but only stayed in her cot for about 5 mins before I admitted defeat and bought her into my bed for the night. Didn't feed her after 11 till 6 as normal but felt I'd taken a step back as she hadn't been coming into our bed till early hours of morning.
But
last night I fed her and put her down in her cot by 7.15pm and she slept right through till 5.45am
This is the first time she has EVER slept all night
I however, still woke regularly throughout the night to see if she had woken up but I can't believe my DD slept all night long!!
Don't know if this is a one-off or a sign of things to come, but its given me a big boost!
Hope all you other ladies are having more sucess these past few days?
Have a good day!

Wooooooooo!
Well done Hammy and Hammy's dd!

Our midnight feed has become 1am and now 1:30am (tbh dd is going to bed late though as with these hot sticky evenings she can't settle)and we are almost going to 6 (10 to this morning!).

I think I will wait til the end of the week then see if I can cut out that middle of the night one. We've had a lot of progress but that seems to be the next step.

One cry last night was in dd's sleep. She moaned for a bit then said "Cake...more cake!"

Don't know where she gets that from.

Yay its working for you and DD Bosom!
Fingers crossed this trend will continue and work for everyone else following this post

Hi nightweaners, am following with interest as might try this in due course but not brave enough yet! Am very relieved that other people have 12 months and older babies who still feed in the night, my ds is nearly 12 months, has loads of night milk and has never slept through. Don't mind too much but most people we know in rl do it differently. Hope you all have good nights tonight.

Hi cheeselover, I say go for it! (Wish I had tried it earlier, really not as bad as I feared.)

Last night dd went 11-6 with no milk!

This time last week that seemed an impossible dream.

She is still waking up about 3 times but happy to drink water then go back to sleep, no crying. Hopefully this will get less and less but she must be thirsty on these hot nights. Although I'm still waking up it feels less disruptive not feeding.

Any one else getting anywhere? Good luck.

Hiya,

Well done Bosoms! How is it going now?

Thanks for the welcome all. DS has been really fine about dropping the day feeds but when I tried to shorten a night feed a couple of days ago he got completely hysterical...then eventually went to sleep for 10 minutes, then woke again, patted/shushed to sleep, woke again after 10 mins...etc etc for about 2 hours. Exhausting and not nice for either of us. Didn't try last night..needed to sleep. I know I need to be more persistent if I want a hope of making this work but am wondering if he is not ready for it yet..though he is nearly 13 months and I know most people don't feed at night by now. And the clock is ticking (am old and infertile) and can't explain to him in 10 or 20 years time that he hasn't got a sibling cos I never managed to get him off the boob as a baby..ahh...

Hi Tholeon, Sorry not to reply sooner. I did type out a long message a couple of weeks ago and then my computer didn't send it and I couldn't face typing it out again. I will copy and paste from Word so that I don't risk it doint that again!

I have had a change of approach as I was back to square 1 for a few weeks...Decided to go cold turkey and do no milk after bed time til moring, because I thought it was probably confusing dd to sometimes feed in the night (if it was before 11/after 5 or whatever) and sometimes try to refuse. (I say try as I was pretty much back to feeding every couple of hours.

Anyway, we have just had 3 milk-free nights. She has still been waking up a few times and the first night had water at each wake up but had less and less on the next couple of nights. She seems to have accepted this new routine so we are just going to keep it up and hope she wakes less and less if water is the only thing on offer.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. It's a long old slog and I don't for a moment think we've cracked it but we've had a good 3 days so that's something!

Hello people

Just wanted to drop by your thread, mainly because of the look of shock/bafflement I got today from another mother when I mentioned that I still fed DS (11 months old) at night. I mean, I know most people probably don't by that age, but I didn't think it was that weird. Luckily I didn't say that he usually feeds twice in the night! I have been thinking I might bite the bullet and try and get him to drop the 4am feed, but not tonight...