Night weaning using Dr Jay Gordon's method - anyone want to join me?

[BosomForAPillow]

I have seen lots of people on here recommend this way of night weaning by Jay Gordon and think it's time for me to give it a go. My dd is 19 months and still wakes for a comfort feed once/twice/six times a night.

Just wondered if anyone else is thinking of doing this and want to start it together? I am going for phase 1 this weekend.

Hello...I have some proper Jay G stuff to report!

Last night was night 1 of phase 1 proper. For about a week before I have been trying to mostly get dd to stop bf when still awake and sometimes it worked but if she protested I was letting her have more. So last night this is what happened.

• Went to bed around 7:45
• Woke up just before 11pm - fed back to sleep in 5 mins. (I'm doing 11-6 as my hours.)
• Woke up at 12:30, brought into our bed. Fed and took her off while awake. She went to sleep soon after.
• Woke up at 2:30. Had quite a long feed but I could tell she was wide awake and this was going to be the tricky one. After about 10 mins I said finished. She was quite happy, chatty awake for about 5-10 mins then realised she was tired and asked for milk. I said no milk, have it later. She said milk milk milk for a while but not really crying. Then started angry crying. It was very heartwrenching but only lasted about 5 mins. Then she said chair (there's a chair in her room that dh cuddles her to sleep in) so we went to the chair and she cried for about 5 more mins then quietened down and gradually went to sleep in my arms. Because she was asleep I knew I was "allowed" to bf her again so that's when I moved back to our bed, but she pretty much stayed asleep after that.
• Woke up just before 6 so I fed her.
• Went back to sleep til 8:45am! So we had a lovely lie in.

The crying was horrible but I'd say she was awake for about half an hour altogether and the middle 10 mins was proper angry screamy crying. I was awake for about an hour afterwards feeling slightly queasy about having to do it again but luckily I didn't.

I am gearing up to do the same again tonight.

Dita sorry to hear dd might be coming down with something. There's always something to make you put it off isn't there - we must have postponed at least 5 times due to colds/teething etc. But when the time's right you know.

MrsMotMot good luck for the weekend. We are away this weekend so hope we don't go back to square 1.

I sometimes bf before naps but mostly I hoover while she is in the buggy and she naps in there.

Oops sorry for essay!

Sounds promising Bosom, you've done really well considering how tired you are!
Hope tonight goes well for you
Dita - I've had the 'O she hardly fed at all last night as I don't remember feeding her' but then realised I've just left my pj top undone for her to simply help herself lol!
Why is it the moment we decide that enough is enough, we need to get some decent sleep the lil buggers become ill!
DD's bum has become really sore and shes come down with a cold, so kinda makes me feel cruel by trying to implement any sort of regime.
My MIL has noted that my DH and I are snapping at each other and at the kids and offered to have them over night so we could get one decent nights sleep (bless her..she's a gem!). But I feel that I've created this nightmare and I need to see this through to the end, having made the 'rod for my own back'.
Ho hum...wishing all of you poor tired exhausted mums a better night tonight

Morning all

Not a good night here as DD was up every hour or more as she's got a hacking cough, temperature, runny nose the works
She's prone to ear infections so am thinking I may take her to doctors today just to get her checked out.
Will have to pick this sleep training when shes recovered...hopefully her nana won't let her sleep all morning otherwise she'll be up all night...feeling very sorry for myself as I'm unbelievably tired today and got to work boo hoo! Maybe I'll have a 10 minute powernap at my desk at lunchtime lol!
Hope you all had better nights?
Have a good day

Oh dear Hammy, that sounds awful, hope dd gets well soon.

We had a good night but I don't think Dr G was much involved. I think dd stopped bf of her own accord then settled herself asleep (2 feeds between 11 and 6) but it may be that I just fell asleep myself. One of those hazy nights.

Dh is off work tomorrow so I will be more likely to give it a go again as I know I could have a bit of a lie in if needed.

Hello again, just checking in.

Phase 1 is going quite well (if a little extended!) and now dd seems quite used to stopping while awake. She lies there for a bit, has a bit of a chat, then a bit of a moan but then falls asleep after a little back rub or shh-ing from me.

We're away tonight but then on Sunday night I'm going to attempt to start phase 2 - no milk!

MrsMotMot did you start last night? Good luck if tonight's the night.

Are the other dc feeling any better?

Am I talking to myself?

Morning all.

Hammy poor dd, hope she's feeling better. Bosom sounds like you are doing well!

I haven't been feeding ds to sleep for ages now for naps during the day, but singing, rocking etc.

The last few days I've tried just putting him in his cot and shushing him/lying him back down when he stands up.

I was shocked by how well it worked with almost no complaining (and certainly no crying).

So last night I just thought I'd skip a phase in the Dr G thing (why?!) and go straight to no milk, as I can't seem to cut feeds and I just fall asleep.

So dh went to him when he woke (later than usual at 1am) and comforted him, stroked his head, etc and lay him back down until he fell asleep.

Ds was not amused. He very quickly went nuclear, calling 'mama! mama! MAMAAAAAA!!!' which was heart rending, gah.

He cried on and off for two hours, there were a couple of big cries but on the whole it was kind of mid-level crying. It was really horrible and I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, I mean, I've been so anti-crying all along. But I tried pick up put down when he was 11m and it made me AND ds hysterical and felt instinctively wrong, whereas this time it didn't.

At 3am he went to sleep and slept til 9am (!!) And came into bed with me and had a lovely snuggly feed. He is right as rain now.

So same again tonight.

Well done to you guys who have held out bf for so long. My DD is nearly one and I am intending to start weaning to cows milk next month before I start full time work in September. Don't think I could cope working FT with night feeds, 3 days a week has been bad enough! My DD seems to vary her frequency depending on whether or not she is teething which also generally coincides with high temperature, off food (or vomiting it up), and being generally more clingy. Good nights she goes up to five hours if she has had a good amount of dairy products in her dinner and if I am not so shattered that I don't wake up as she is stirring, allowing her to wake all the way up past the point when a pat and shhh might work. Am going to start DH going in for any waking between bedtime feed and feed when I go to bed, but don't know if that would work for night feeds as he is such a heavy sleeper and never wakes up unless she is literally screaming her head off. When I am not at work I often catch up when she has her afternoon nap or if DH is home leave her with him so I can nap.

Sounds like sending DH in might be the way forward then...Had an awful night last night as my first attempt at phase 2. I only properly did the no milk thing at one wake up but the crying was awful and although I could get her to settle in my arms, as soon as I tried to lie her down again it was "Miiiiilk!" I caved after about 40mins (seemed about 4 hours). Then she woke up every hour after that.

MrsMotMot how did your second night go? Is DH rocking/holding/patting ds while he cries or something else? I feel utterly gutted that phase 2 seems impossible but don't think DH or I could bear an hour or more of crying. But if you say the next night was much better it would seem worth a go! Especially encouraging is the "slept til 9am" part!!!

Oh god Bosom I wish I could say the second night was better... it was horrendous. Really starting to doubt the whole thing.

DS went down fed to sleep at 8pm, and woke at 1.30- seems to be sleeping past his usual wake up at 10.30-11pm

DH went to him, shshshshed him, lay him down when he stood up, repeatedly until he dozed off- he never really got the volume up, mid-level crying I'd say again. It took about half an hour.

But then every time DH left the cot side, DS, to all appearences fast asleep, would sense the retreat and wake. And cry. Quite easily settled with a lie down, a shh and a pat but every time DH tried to leave him he woke. I had to take over at 3 as DH was about dead.

Same problem, just could not get away. He never seemed to enter a deep sleep. I crept back to bed at 3.45ish and DS woke and we just let him cry for 15 minutes. But it was full pelt hysteria . I was crying too. It was BAD. Oh dear.

Anyway I could hear deep, 'asleep' breathing once he'd stopped crying, and I looked up and he was asleep standing up. DH lay him down and he slept til 7 when he had a breastfeed in bed with me (thought I'd stop morning breastfeed but did not have the heart today!)

DS, DH and I have been tired and grumpy all day.

Before, I was tired, DS was sometimes tired, and it would indeed be nice to not have DS snuffling around my top all night in his sidecar cot. But at least there was no horrible crying!

TBH not sure what the plan for tonight is. I might try again and see if it is better/worse/the same and speak to the hopefully very useful HV tomorrow. Haven't ever used them for anything so hope they will have some good advice.

Sorry for the essay, think I needed to see it all written down, sorry it is not very heartening!

Oh dear MrsM that's very sad. Sorry to hear it went so badly last night.

I am starting to wonder if my phase 1 result is enough progress to be going on with and put off the actual night weaning for a bit.

Oof. It's blardy hard work isn't it?

Right, another update, couldn't have left it on such a negative note!

Last night DS fed to sleep a bit earlier (knackered from previous night's antics) at 7.30 and he woke at 1am. DH managed to shush him/lie him back down with very little fuss in 45 minutes. (God, can't believe I look upon a 45 minute interlude in the middle of the night as a good thing!)

Then he woke at 5.30am, I thought, what the hell, this is an ungodly time and there's no way he's going to go back to sleep in his cot, so I took him into bed and fed him. He promptly coughed (bit mucousy still with cold), gagged and puked EVERYWHERE so we all had to get up, change baby, bed etc and take a communal shower!

But although I do feel tired I think we're making progress. Spoke to the HV and she said our plan is good, stick with it, but that I might be making it slower by having in the room with us. I had kept him in our room as I thought he was having enough changes and a new room/being alone would make it harder. And to stop feeding him to sleep.

Really don't think I have the energy for that one!

Glad you have made a bit of progress BosomForAPillow, every little bit is encouraging I find!

We used this method with dd2 when she was 15 months old, so a couple of months ago. The first night she was very upset. The second night she wasn't very bothered. The third night she slept through. She is now a brilliant sleeper, falls asleep on her own in her cot and sleeps from 7 to 7. I think you kinda have to judge if your baby is ready. Katie definately was.

wow sassyfrassy I can pnly dream of results like yours!

Just to check in, DS stirred at 11 last night but was easily settled with a shh and then woke at 1.30- took about half an hour to settle him but he never got very upset, just lots of lying him back down and shhhing.

So I think it's working, my slight variation on the Dr Jay theme! Best of luck to all others...

Here's to 12 hours of blissful sleep one day...

Yes Sassyfrassy that sounds fantastic, gives me a bit of a boost to try phase 2 properly.

MrsMotMot sounds like you are getting there too. I am just waiting for your "Slept through the night" post then I will be shoving DH through the door to do your DrMotMot version of nightweaning!

At the moment we are sticking to phase 1 and having lots of short feeds and no moaning after I say "finished". We are away for 2 nights this weekend which we just need to get through then maybe we'll go for it after that.

Hope tonight goes even beter for you.

better

I've been lurking around this post and just wanted to stick my tuppence worths in as Ive been putting off night weaning since DS turned 1 (he's now nearly 17mo). The reason i've been putting it off is just because i expect it to be hell as he is so entrenched in feeding to sleep, and although starts the night in his cot, inevitably ends up in our bed where he wakes and feeds all night long... Anyway... last night we decided to take the plunge and start with the jay gordon method... I don't want to spak too soon as we still have a long way to go but i was amazed at how little resistance i came up against! After 12, when he came into our bed, i fed him, then put him down after telling him booby was finished - he wailed for a few minutes... then sobbed a bit... then fidgeted and moaned a bit more... but then just went to sleep on his own, after about 10 minutes! he woke agin at about 3.30 and i fed him again for a minute or so then removed him and he hardly squawked at all. he didn't wake up again till 6.30am and i let him have a feed and a proper cuddle then. All in all very surprised by first nights results and hoping for a re-run tonight - i'm thinking that maybe he already falls asleep on his own when he's in our bed and is ready for phase 2 already? i'm still going to give it 3 nights though to get him used to a new regime!

Hi babber
Sorry for late reply!
How has stage 2 gone?

I still have not moved onto stage 2 as whenever I try, dd puts up a real fight. Stage 1 has gone a bit pear shaped too, as although she is happy to stop when I say finished, she has cranked up the night feeds to about every 2 hours again.

Hope the rest of you are faring better. Might have to try MrsMotMot's "send in dh" technique soon but I was out last night so dh was dealing with wakings between bedtime and midnight (4 of them ) and she got soooo upset when I wasn't there.

Hello everyone. I've dithered about doing this but think after 20 months of never-more-than-a-stretch-of-3-hours sleep I'm going to try it.

We both work part-time and look after her and I managed to cut out the day feeds save the predinner feed although she still asks.

DD is your achetypal fed-to-sleep, waking several times, then want to bf from 4am onwards. Sometimes getting her to sleep can take ages, and my resentment creeps up. I hardly have any time with DH in the evenings, I don't have periods 20 months on (and I want to get pregnant again)

So, any tips? She can fall asleep without boob. She is slung to sleep in an ergo for her day nap (and rarely in the car). I occassionally roll over and shush her if I've really had enough and sometimes she goes mental, sometimes she chunters off to sleep. So she has potential!

ANyway, does anyone have a good link (I see bits and bobs over the internet) or any tips before I start?

Hi Doris,

This is the link to Jay Gordon's nightweaning method - only just realised my OP link doesn't work!

You have to scroll down quite a lot to the bit for "older babies".

Good luck!

PS What's an ergo?

Thanks Bosom

I'll report back. Last night was bad but I fed a few times but not completely asleep and she chuntered/grumbled "MummyGETUP-edd" a few times. Not agonizing wails. But I had to leave for work at 5.55am and she was half asleep but woke up when I left (guessing I wouldn't have this problem so much if I co-slept. So DH was left mollifying her.

The ergo is a soft structured carrier. It's so good I don't have a pram. Great for front and back carries and for DH, who can't/won't wear a flowery mei tai of one of my woven wraps.

www.ergobabycarrier.com/

Can I join? Currently on my 3rd attempt of night weaning 20 mo DD. We co-sleep at the moment but I'm hoping to get her sleeping through the night so she can go into her own room around her 2nd birthday.

Attempts 1 and 2 were a total disaster, every night got progressively worse. I don't think she was ready. This time it's going a lot better, because she can understand more I just tell her that "booby's asleep" and offer her some water. She's become loads more cuddly in bed and she's started waking up earlier in the mornings (boo!). I am not feeding her between midnight and 7am but last night it was 8.30-6.30 which I was quite pleased with!

DH put her to bed last night and she didn't even wake up when I came to bed a couple of hours later!

Good luck to everyone else.

I would love to join this too, as I am scouring MN for help on this and other bf problems - my son is only 7mths though and Jay does not recommend night weaning in the first year!!
I am reaching the end of my already extremely frayed tether! My son is unable to get to sleep without my boob and just wakes constantly in the night for more and I am now sleeping in his room with him. He had reflux so has always slept with me and has developed a severe attachment to me, he won't sleep for anyone else.
I am so tired though and am snapping at my partner and my 3yr old ds who already hates his little brother, who has stolen me away from him, and now I feel so guilty for shouting at him all the time.

Does anyone have any advice re babies under a year old?

Maybe I should just get used to the fact I will have to go to bed at 8pm for a while, to get some sleep under my belt?

I know I should be enjoying being a mother but it is so draining when you're tired.

My 3 yr old ds was off bf at 6mths because I started to mix feed (I thought I wasn't producing enough, despite huge boy! No help from HVs so just gave up as I was paranoid he was hungry!).
Now I know that bf babies just feed, feed, feed. I don't know how much more I can take though!!

Hi Tigerlily1 I am doing it with my 8 month old. Its hard, but it is time to stop night feeds. He is not hungry in the morning and sleep was getting worse. The first few nights were awful - he was crying and sleeping for five minutes and then waking up. From 2 onwards, not much sleep at all! and last night he slept 10-4 (but then was awake - slept for 20 minutes after a feed at 5:30. First night we got to 5:08, 2nd 5:10, then 5:20, last night 5:30am. I said to myself I will feed you after 5 not before. I am hoping for progress tonight. If there isn't major progress by the weekend I might have to rethink as don't want to traumatise him! I am doing a 10pm feed to get him through and then I just don't feed him. The first few nights he was diving to my chest, but then he just cried on my shoulder - although each night he is more and more fine with it. He has just broken through two top teeth so not good timing but he is coping remarkably considering! Just don't feed him. You have to psych yourself up and then stick by it or he will not know where he is. He is eating a lot more in the day which is the idea! And I stay with him, I don't leave. He has never known anything else except for cuddles and boob when he wakes in the night so I can't do CIO/CC!

hth!

PS I am knackered but resolute!

I am trying to give him cuddles galore in the day too. Like Dr. Jay says, pay the baby .